The despair of being refused.....

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Couple of days ago, I asked a girl out for the first time. We had shared an awkward relation of 'friends' for some time and I don't have the social ability to know wether she was prepared to accept me as a potential boyfriend. Nevertheless I have always been attracted to her.
She was- is- the only girl around for whom I have feelings.
So I took the plunge and asked.
She declined me, and now I don't know where to go from here. I just can't imagine myself with any other of the girls I know. I agonise because I have no idea if-when-I could be with a girl....

Does anyone else have the same dilemma?

It's infatuation. Don't worry, other people will come along. I feel the same way with every infatuation i've ever had. They are all that matters to me, and not having them means all hope is lost.

It's not until someone else comes along that I can be infatuated with that I can get over the first one.

You will see what I mean when it happens. How old are you (just wondering)? I think that it's good that you asked her out. I mean think about it - If you hadn't done it, you would have had regret not trying something that could have been, at least now you have a solid answer and you can move on.

I am infatuated with a woman at the moment, and not really in a sexual way. It's probably the main source of my misery. I hope that soon I will become infatuated with someone else. >_<

That kind of situation is quite common. It happens all the time.

However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. This is your first time asking out a girl, so maybe it doesn't seem like it right now, BUT there will be other girls you can see yourself dating...in fact, after you ask a girl for the first time, it gets easier to identify people you are interested in AND easier to ask them out, and tell if they (and you) are ready.

The only advice I can really give you is: keep an open mind and wait. You will either find someone else you are interested in and can pursue...or someone may come along and ask YOU out...you just have to keep an open mind and wait for the opportunity.

I agree. There's lots of other girls out there. It does take some time though...that's why I like to have several girls in mind at the same time. If one is going to fail with one woman, it is good to have others to have in mind.

When someone is infatuated you'll find that considering other people doesn't even come into the question.

Not quite true. I've been infatuated with a couple people at the same time, sometimes.

Maybe it's just me then. But it kinda seems that i'm only ever infatuated with one person at a time, or maybe it's love, but i'm pretty sure it isn't.

Maybe yours isn't real infatuation, but just a mild crush? I wouldn't know.

Thanks for your help guys (and girls if indeed any of you are)

I'm not sure either, but it feels as real a crush as I've ever experienced, since last summer.



I'm 17 now it is my hope that in 2 years' time I will be studying a course at a university I like and there will be far more oppoertunities to mix with girls. My greatest fear is that I'll enrol there unprepared with no girlfriend experience.
I will try to
I sometimes fear being expected to date which girl happens to be available. That is I often feel I have little choice in the matter, and I think its the same for many guys

dont date somone just because they want you to. it makes things bad for the both of you. your just lying to them after all.

yeah, don't worry about it too much. I went to college having asked one girl out (turned down) but by the end of my senior year in high school a girl actually asked me out, and we dated for a few months then. This is a lead in to the next part...

There are a lot more girls at the university, with a wider variety of interests (maybe not true depending on the U but usually) than there are in HS. So your chances to meet a good girl to date keep increasing. I didn't date huge numbers of girls in college but it was a LOT better than high school.

And you'll get more confident, etc. Just keep asking the ones you like, and don't feel like you have to say yes if someone asks you and you'd rather not...

g'luck

I was where you are two years ago. It hurt, but I moved on. A year later I was in the same place again and this time she didn't refuse. You never know when you'll get lucky.

Don't let that be a fear; it doesn't matter. I know plenty of people (including myself) who had no dating experience up till the end of university, and are in very happy relationships now. Someone on another forum I belong to even suggested that not having got involved in the high-school dating scene might be an asset rather than a handicap later on.......

I wouldn't worry too much, it will all fall into place eventually. I feel like that right now although not in the same situation. Things will happen and you'll most likely fall for someone else and forget all about the girl your obsessing over right now. Hey I should start listening to what I'm saying so I feel better as well

OH BOY.... at the moment I have infatuations with several people. about 6 people (I know all of them).

I might start a thread of my own on this one actually.... need advice.

Yeah you're right. It seems i'm gonna end up at university even if I don't find a good course, it's an integral part of the dating experience



That's very comforting to know. So are you 20 now Nuntar? And what uni are you at



Now that you mention it there is one girl who I like, and I intuit that she likes me, not especially as she is pretty, popular, and has had numerous other boyfriends. From the fact that she walks around alone, she seems single. I have a chance perhaps? But I'm not going to get too hopeful, I don't think you can ever really afford to project your hopes onto anyone, partcularly girls

How long does infatuation last? Because im 19 now and I'm still in love with someone from 11th grade (There was no relationship, it was a love at first sight thing, but only 1 way.)

No, I meant I was in the same situation of being refused by a girl whom at the time I thought was the only girl I had feelings for two years ago; not that I was the same age. I'm 23. And I did my undergraduate degree at Oxford and am now at Leeds (as you can see from my "Location" )