ugggh......some help please?

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i really wish i didn't realize (too late at that) that i seriously messed up by not heading over to my g/f's last night when a dog was hit in her parking lot and she was trying to get help for it?


i dunno.....i kinda had a small freakout when it happened....i was scared of having to be in that kind of emotional situation because i don't know how to react and i had no clue how to help and i didn't realize until later that i should just be there for her and that'd be enough. feeling like a dumbass.

i know better, too. just....not when it actually comes up.....it's frustrating.

i was having a good day too...had a nice day at work, worked out a little, cleaned up around my place, and was having some drinks to relax since i'm off tomarrow and can rest off my sins tonight. then i realized that i really needed to call and at least fess up to her about my mistakes and of course i couldn't say half of what i was feeling and i knew it wouldn't be enough anyways so why bother with half? and i don't mean needed to call like as if it was an afterthought or a chore....i needed to...it had kept me up the night before when i realized it (which was after she was asleep anyways) i just kinda forgot because my day was going decently and it normally takes a little longer to sabotage my day.

umm....so...anyways....what should i do? i know i screwed up and choked when i should have been her rock and been there for her. it wasn't even a dog she knew...it was just traumatic because the dog was still alive and was hit by a car.

i wanna at least even try to make up for it even though i know i won't beable to....especially, i want to try to make up for it in a way that doesn't scream "i'm making up for it" because that's just a way to remind how guilty i was in the first place.....

Had I been in your shoes, I probably would have reacted the same way. Guys' natural instincts are to do something concrete (get the car started, save the dog, etc.) and if there isn't anything concrete we can do, and all that can be done is emotional, we freeze up. "We're guys--we don't do emotions."

I would be honest. Send a note, e-mail or--if you can handle it--make a phone call and say basically what you said here: that you're sorry, that you didn't know how to react or how to help when she told you what happened, and now you realize she just needed you to be there and that you're sorry you weren't and ask what can you do to make up for it.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

i think i was honest a little too soon in calling her and letting her know...and i understand why too because some guy just saying "oh i froze up emotnionally but i'll be there for you next time." is really lame and a thinner excuse than bush going to war for WMD's. i know this and understand this.....i dunno....in the end it'll be me having to make up for it over time in the end......but i feel bad and want to make everything up now......which i know isn't possible and probably adds more insult to injury....afterally the abusive jerks are the ones who buy the nice dinner after punching their respective spouses in the eyes, right? something like that? maybe?

i dunno....i really care alot about her and i really love her but at the same time i think she has trouble understanding where i'm coming from and what's going on in my head. :/

I think she'll understand that you didn't know what to do. These things aren't taught in school and sometimes "the right thing" doesn't come natural. She'll still be hurt that you weren't there for her, but if she really likes/loves you, this will probably be a temporary stumbling block.
Does she know you have AS? If not, this might be the time to mention it, and how it causes you to react "strangely" sometimes.

i wanna at least even try to make up for it even though i know i won't beable to....especially, i want to try to make up for it in a way that doesn't scream "i'm making up for it" because that's just a way to remind how guilty i was in the first place..... [/quote]

Its tough; I make a lot of mistakes. I would try to tell her exaclty what happend. I would tell her that I regret it. If you have not told her that you have Asperger's I would try to explain because it is nescessery in the long run for her to understand.

And the other thing I would do is send flowers. It makes it look like you mean what you are saying.