Relationship with my boyfriend

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Hello, I am in a relationship with a person with aspergers. He is a very unique individual, and he is very special to me. I'm trying to understand him better by talking to other people who is familiar with aspergers.
I feel very close to him, but it is hard to tell what he thinks of me. He doesn't show much emotion to other people, but I've been noticing he's been opening up to me in the past few months. Sometimes he acts like he doesn't care, then sometimes he can be so loving. He has become more loving to me in the last few weeks than he has ever been, but I also find out that he hasn't been taking his medicine like he should. What do you think? thank you

Make sure you are honest with him AT ALL TIMES. Do not say A and do B. I just left soemone becuse she send alot of mixed signals and I'm more screwed up from it.
I think its good that he is opening up. Maybe you two just need to talk more. Thats how it is with me, I have AS, but the more I talk to someone, I open up more. Also if you let him know in a gentle way that you like more commucation between you too, I think it will work.
Why does He have to take his medicine? For AS? Does someone think that will "cure" him? That really bothers me. We have AS, accept us, it is who we are, but don't make us take drugs to conrtol us so the NT's around the person with AS can feel better about themselves.

Last edited by KenM on 26 Mar 2006, 10:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

IMHO, time, patience and love are the three big factors here. He may have lost friends because he tried to become too close too soon, or they were freaked out by his behavior. I've experienced both--I've actually scared people when my intent was the opposite. There was a period in my life when I didn't want to be close to people--I actually would push them away (verbally). But, over time, I realized that I was not such a bad person and that I had many likeable qualities.
Just keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing stuff with him that he likes to do--eventually, you'll start seeing more of his open and playful side.
And I agree with Ken--I'm not a fan of being drugged just so other people feel OK around me. That sends the message to me that I'm the sole source of the problem, which is damaging to self-esteem.
Bless you for what you're doing for this person. You're doing great--don't give up! I believe your efforts will pay off. (Oh, and you might want to direct him to this site as well as onthespectrum.com.)

I'm still new at figuring out what AS is all about. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I actually like talking with him when he is not on his meds. I never really knew he was off of them until he told me. He was always sick when he was on them, he feels great now.
So far I have seen a change in him in the past few weeks. I am honest with him, and I try my best no do what I can for him. He does have his moments, but I am an understanding person, and I love him very much. I enjoy spending time with him because he has such a dynamic personality. I am patient with him, as he is with me. we have the same interest and hobbies. We are both artist and we enjoy doing the same things. So we are not that diffferent from eachother.

I disagree. Being on medication is the best thing I can be doing right now. I feel happier and more content with myself when I am on the meds. If I miss taking them one day, I feel very different the next day - usually quite down and miserable.

Medication is for more than making others more comfortable around you, although I believe that is a very important component that has actually raised my self-confidence. It also helps you feel better.

I'd much rather be on medication.

I'm so glad there are girls like you in the world Megan who are willing to go out with Aspie guys. We need far more of these girls who see people for who they are, and don't just see their outer shell that appears to be a disabled kid.

The fact that you are willing to date and go out with someone with AS is very admirable. I'm proud of you. Shame on all the women out there that refuse to date men that are "a little different".

See Snake, Aspies CAN and DO have good relationships with NTs.

You didn't offend me, Megan. I think what you are doing is wonderful. Most women wouldn't have the patience, kindness and willingness to find out about their boyfriend's condition that you have shown.

And to ELLCIM: Different strokes, my friend. With one notable exception, my experience with psychotropic medications has been negative. If they work for you, I think that's great. I just don't want to feel forced to use them when I have serious questions about their side effects. And I agree with what you said to Megan.

You did not ofend me either, Megan.

I take Zoloft and Seroquel. Zoloft is the medication I am most thankful to be on, because it stops me from being depressed all the time. For me, depression is a very significant symptom of Asperger's, as it is for many Aspies. I used to be on 50 mg per day but it wasn't enough; since I went up to 100 mg per day last December I've felt better generally. If I miss taking Zoloft on one day, the next day I feel very depressed.

As for Seroquel, I'm not sure if it works or not. I've never really figured out what it is for, as it is typically used to treat Schizophrenia, but is also used for Asperger's. I used to take Risperdol but I gained 50 pounds in only six months. Since switching to Seroquel I've dropped half that weight gain.

i understand what you're going through megan, having been in your postion before, you're in a good place for advise here, just don't be afraid to ask

baby