Enough is enough.

Post Reply New Topic

It seems 99 percent of the love and dating board is consumed by "Will I ever get a girlfriend?" posts.

Fair or unfair, Aspies are not the same as other people. It's like we're cats trying to get along with dogs. Aspie men have a disadvantage because most of us have a "look" about us that Aspie women can immediately detect as being "different" (in a bad way) from the rest. On top of that, we have poor social skills, don't understand subtleties, and don't have interests that would appeal to the women we want.

The past couple years, I made myself, without changing who I am at the core, a more outgoing and interesting person, and I'm also better looking than the majority of guys on this site (at least the pics I've seen) and even I have trouble finding a woman that I'm interested in that feels the same way. Often times women think "He's cute, but..."

A girlfriend will not solve ANYTHING, whatsoever unless she's absolutely crazy about you. This goes for NTs too, not just Aspies, but especially for Aspies who want a woman as a bandaid and a cure-all.

I know it was tough growing up watching other guys get the girls you wanted with no problem whatsoever, but life isn't meant to be fair.

Am I suggesting to give up altogether? Not at all. I'm suggesting to go with the flow, and make a life for yourself that doesn't involve obsessing over women, and then a woman will find you, not the other way around. Women are the selectors, not men.

I agree with much of what you say. I get a little irritated at the Aspies who want to be unkempt slobs who do nothing more than play video games. Sorry guys but supermodels don't go for guys like you. If Aspie men made an attempt to clean themselves up and learn at least the basics of social interaction they would learn that they can get women too. It is not as difficult as many think but it can be done if you make an effort.

Sorry to hear that you are upset and hurt enough to lash out like that. But if you are correct about anything it is that life is not fair, and it was never meant to be. You just have to make do with whatever happiness you can create or find.

This has nothing to do with me. This message is geared toward the "I'm 23 and have never had a girlfriend, life s*cks" posts. I can't remember the last time I was on this message board and read "I met a great girl (in real life) and she accepts me for who I am." All we get is "I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years and can't kiss her" posts.

The general rule of a forum is that people use it to talk about problems. In the same way you wouldn't go into a computer forum and see threads about how "My computer works fine today", you won't see people here making threads when they're perfectly happy.

That said, it has happened before, but both threads (started by one member) only launched a multi-page flamewar. So maybe that's why it dosen't happen more.

This is an absolute load of crap. Stop spreading that sort of urban myth. Geez Loise, where do people come up with this nonsense?



"unlessssss..." There's no unless. Romance solves NOTHING. But it does often lead to misery, murder and/or suicide. Having someone crazy about you is not all it's cracked up to be either too much of a good thing can lead to stalking and abduction. Oh yes, and it's possible to meet your soulmate and still lose them. Have a nice Day!



See, the thing is, I'm convinced that there are some things that Aspies just learn more slowly than most folks do. Oh, we pick them up, to be sure - we just seem to be a little thick headed in certain areas and require many more failures than others before the light bulb goes on and we have that Aha! moment. So though I agree wholeheartedly with these last statements, you're (metaphorically speaking) wasting your breath. You can't teach an Aspie this stuff on paper, so to speak. We only learn these lessons through experience in the School of Hard Knocks.



AaAaaUuUGgGHhh!! ! Enough with the cat analogies. I hate cats. I am not a cat in any sense. Cats are STUPID. Cat intelligence is an illusion. Just look at their tiny heads - there can't be room for more than a spoonful of brain matter in that minuscule skull. If they seem aloof, thoughtful and mysterious, it's only because they're essentially robots. I give FISH credit for more smarts than cats. And no sarcasm about cats eating fish. Let me see a cat catch a shark and you can make jokes. Aspies like cats. Bleh. What an insult.

Untrue! Cats watch human behavour and learn from it! They can even manipulate us! They are a lot more intelligent than dogs anyway!

I highly doubt that anybody wants to be that kind person. They may find themselves in a position where, due to the lot given them by circumstances, thats all they are able to do, but they wouldnt choose it. The fact is that out of all the people here who can't get a relationship, most are surely *not* unkempt slobs. It would be convenient if they were, as it would allow lazy, cosy thoughts about society being a meritocracy where we all deserve what we get and get what we deserve. It isn't. From the moment of birth, some have advantages and others have disadvantages.WRT relationships, as in all social situations, AS traits are a huge disdadvantage in the western world.


But therange is saying that he already has improved his social skills and has a good appearance yet without much change, by the sounds of it. He's not the only one who has found this, so there must be more going on... How difficult it is depends on where you are on the spectrum. Most relationship success here would seem to correlate to those who are least Aspie. For those further along the spectrum, it can be very difficult indeed. Basic social skills and tidy appearance are nowhere near enough to counter the negative effects of being the typical male Aspie . I agree with therange that most NT women just seem to sense something that they find deeply unattractive about me. And the ones who don't are the ones who are least NT! The main thing is to not send yourself mad desperately trying to change to get their approval.

Exactly. The same way men just look a woman, even though she may not have a crooked nose or the worst body in the world, and they think "I would never date her or have sex with her" just based on a "feeling"...women see a guy, who might even be good looking, but since they're experts at detecting body language and intangibles that can't be significantly changed, they'll get a "negative vibe."

Am I saying this is a reason to give up? No. I'm saying that Aspies are playing against the odds. I'm "high-functioning" and not shy and probably more advanced socially compared to aspie standards, and I'm struggling...so when a guy makes a "I can't kiss my girlfriend" post or "I got rejected for the 100th time" post, why give him false hope?

Also, the boy who started the success story threads got heat because he didn't meet her in real life. I'm sure if someone came on here with pictures of him and his girlfriend actually together, and the complexities of real life dating didn't get in the way of their relationship and she wasn't turned off by his aspie behavior, that more people than not would be happy for him.

Absooo-freaken-lutely! Everything you said, Willard. I'm there. I hardly ever say "listen to me" or give advice to people, because I've learned that most people don't really want advice, even when they ask for it. They want a sounding board and then they're just gonna do what they're gonna do, regardless.

But, listen to Willard all you young guys. The man knows what he's talking about.

People used to listen to their elders for a reason.

OK I'm done now. Be on your merry way....

P.S. Willard. I LOLed at what you wrote about the whole cat thing. I feel exactly the same way

Having a girlfriend does indeed solve some problems.

This you will not realize until you've had one.

I agree about it not solving problems. If one is with someone they are not compatible with, the partner becomes a problem itself.

Cats are not robots. How much we take for granted about cats' intelligence becomes obvious once you get a pet bunny.

Anyway, anything that can feel joy and suffering is NOT a robot.

It solves nothing. Does it make life better if she's as emotionally invested in the relationship as you are and you two are marriage potential or already married? I can imagine. But MOST relationships, even NT relationships, fail sooner or later. This you will not realize until you've had a girlfriend.

It solves one or two practical problems, depending on the person I suppose. for instance I would never go out to eat anywhere nice unless I was taking a girlfriend with me (or perhaps even a male friend if he was classy enough).

Having a girlfriend gives you an excuse to go out to nightclubs to drink/drug whatever floats your boat. BTW, bouncers and other people won't look at you funny if you're going with a nice girl. People going out on their own will draw unwanted attention.

Sometimes you don't know what to do with yourself of a particular given evening. In such circumstances it's nice to go over to your girlfriend's flat and try your best to make her smile. Watching movies, eating together, and perhaps having a nice chaste cuddle are all very nice things to do in company and set the mind to rest for a brief time.

You're right that relationships are doomed to fail.

Also, your 'girlfriend' might only have you (the AS one) among a collection of her male friends and treat you like dirt.

But as long as you can get some kicks out of the experience for yourself then it's worth it.

Maybe I have this attitude because I never expect a girl to love me (ever) but I still recognize that girls are good for getting some pleasure out of while dinner's still hot, so to speak.

I don't do any of that stuff (Going to bars/clubs) and when I go out to eat, I have family and friends to go with. I will admit, in my brief dating experience, that it is nice to have an attractive, decent woman on your arm and in your company, or even just hanging out and watching a movie or reruns together, but IMO it isn't all that I was expecting, and things were good for a while, too.

My life is arguably better (minus the lack of human (female) touch) since I've been completely single and now that there's no big mystery to what dating is like.