What would make you comfortable around another person?

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I'll try to think about my answer to this question. I really don't know. As to the level of comfort, I mean able to talk about personal things with them. I think attaining this level of comfort is important to L & D, too, so I'll post it in this forum.

I'm curious to see what the answers are for people who can provide an answer to this more easily than I can.

Well, right off the bat, I feel like there's a couple different 'versions' of comfort.....

I've been around people who I'd feel weird holding hands with, but felt like I could tell them anything within the first day of meeting them.
Conversely, I've been (briefly) with women who I feel extremely physically comfortable with, very touchy, a woman I really wouldn't mind being all over me at all...
...but I didn't particularly feel like getting into my deepest thoughts and emotions, just yet.

So in the pursuit of comfort, one oughta know what kind of comfort they're going for first. As for defining all the potential 'types' (if it even comes down to that) ... Don't quite know. But I know that physical comfort is definitely something different from other kinds.

I think that might be too personal a question for an internet board.
I generally mean comfortable around the presence of someone else, not wanting to avoid them, willing to open up about some personal things, etc.

Maybe I should leave the physical comfort question out there, too, because this is L & D.

Although I didn't separate the two because I figured that physical comfort took a more basic comfort first, or the other person being hot...

Bare in mind, when I say physical comfort, I'm not necessarily talking bout sex.....

It could just be hugging, slap their hands lightly when playing around, walking arm-in-arm, casual touching, etc.

In contrast, you could be really really into another person, but when you're around them you both do not touch each other at all, and when you do, it's mildly uncomfortable (even if you'd like to do it more). That represents a lack of physical comfort, even if all it required was some acclimatization.

There is no set time period, it depends on what comfort level both people are with each other. Some are more open or more reserved than others.

i'm comfortable around anybody who is comfortable around me, and who is not plainly a sociopath.

^Tim, I'm asking more about individual responses to the question to see what kind of range of responses there is.

I think this depends on the sex of the other person. The type of horseplay changes, even if you're just friends.

A lack of comfort by both sides or just one?

A Person who gives me space to process
my thoughts.

A quality of tenderness goes far.

An ability to listen non-judgementally.

Yes. My assumption, since this was L&D, was that it's comfort with someone you're romantically interested in.

Could be either or both. One person's attitude seeps into the other's, usually. Some folks are so physically outgoing that their comfort seeps in to the other. Sometimes one person's so physically reserved that it prompts the other person into reservation. I suspect the latter is often the case with introverts - we tend to pull the people around us into a more self-conscious frame of mind, including more physical distance.

This doesn't necessarily have bearing on other interpretations of comfort, however... Stuff like being a good friend and a good listener to one's romantic interest is something entirely different. I'm sure women who've dated jerks can attest to that.


As for what makes me personally comfortable around another person:
Lately, I've developed a strong preference for people who are very, very up-front, and blunt. Not just in general, but in the details of their demeanor. Nothing is hidden about what they think. Those folks make me feel a lot more comfortable lately... Didn't used to be like that though.

In contrast, I've started to notice just how many people are willing to smile and nod, even if it doesn't represent what they think or feel. People who continue smiling even after you've said something they'd probably disagree with, or feel passionately about. People who value composure as a virtue. Those folks make me uncomfortable, lately. I don't feel like they're trustworthy.

Similar, but different, people who are reserved around me, 'tiptoe' around me, who are not confident around me make me less at-ease.

Folks who talk too much make me comfortable!
People who love to share what they're thinking, no matter how insignificant. I love it. I'm a bit of a talker, but when I run into someone who's more of a talker, I'll shut up and listen all day. They make me feel very at-ease, and I'd readily reciprocate if their jaw started getting tired, hehee.
I'm particularly enamored by people who like to muse on stuff that's a little more esoteric, vague, controversial. If they're willing to explore, brave the waters, willing to be wrong, I'll be willing to challenge them, toss up my own BS, and be wrong right along-side 'em.

In contrast, people who are more concerned about winning an argument, as opposed to simply exploring, make me less prone to want to open up. Shredding my own arguments is fine and good, so long as they don't press too hard. If it's light, and we keep an understanding that we're just exploring, then it's all good. No, it's great.

And, per what I was talking about earlier, very huggy people put me at ease. I'm very used to being very physically reserved. Not much touching happens in my family. Kinda feels like I'm missing out, that life could be better, more open, more physically friendly. So when I hang around people who don't let my reservations get in the way, I can loosen up too. I love it.

Most people are comfortable around a good listener, who asks them about themself and/or listens to what they want to talk about.

People will unload when they have the need to and then it just depends on, who will listen.

I've never been able to define what makes a person easy for me to get along with vs the average person. Most people don't understand me, so I tend to stay quiet around people I don't know. Though every once in a while I'll be out in public and just immediately click with a complete stranger, it puts me at ease and I come right out of my shell without thinking about it. Perhaps they are others on the spectrum, however high up? Don't know.

It takes me a very long time to feel comfortable around people. I have to spend alot of time around them and get to know them. This happens with very few people in my life. I became very comfortable around someone I work with basically because we see each other everyday and he is really easy to talk to. He is genuinely interested in what I say, mostly because he is quite nosy and is just interested in everything.

To be comfortable with someone they need to be laid back and genuine and not jump to conclusions and criticise me without knowing the full story.

I know what would make me comfortable around another person, but I won't disclose it in here in the event if offends people. I can't really mention it, because some people are simply not open minded enough to understand.

If the other person is calm and comfortable themselves then I think that goes a long way. Sincerity and openness are good too. And eye contact, which is probably the only case where I'd genuinely want to maintain it. I didn't make eye contact much with my last partner, and it led to that weird sort of comfort Sound described - where everything physical feels right and natural, but any conversations that went deeper than small-talk were always a little awkward. I found myself wishing I could be 100% comfortable with her in that area too, but it never quite happened.

To find an answer to this question I had to ask myself "what makes me most uncomfortable around people?" Then I thought about people I know and what makes me comfortable or not around them. I've come to the conclusion that talkative, friendly people make me comfortable. I have a hard time starting and keeping conversations going so someone who likes to talk will tend to talk about a lot of things and eventually hit upon something that I relate to and can talk about. And when I run out of things on that topic or any vaguely related topics, a talkative person will come up with something new to talk about and put my mind at ease.

But comfortable to the point of sharing private details of my life... well I'm fairly open about most things but there are some things I don't share with people and I don't know what would make me comfortable enough to tell someone. I've shared some stuff on WP that I haven't shared with anyone else and I guess that's partly the anonymous factor, but it's also a feeling of understanding that I get from the people on this site that I haven't found anywhere else. If I had that in feeling in person, well I think I'd be very happy.

As for physical comfort, I'm not sure if there's anything that would make me feel comfortable enough with someone to touch them. I don't really have an aversion to touch it's just that I feel really awkward initiating contact. The only example I can think of is hugs. My family isn't a touchy-feely family so there are no hugs going on around here and I guess I just never learned how to hug properly or appropriately. I had a few friends who were huggers but I never initiated hugs and while I enjoyed the hug certainly, I always felt slightly awkward because I just wasn't really sure what to do. Which is sad because I would love to be an affectionate person, I just don't know how. I hope someday I will be physically comfortable with someone.

You would want someone who was patient with you and allow you to open and bloom like a flower.