The M Word

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Hey guys. Sorry that it has been a while, but I have been busy here on my FOB in Afghanistan.
Now down to business...

I have been with my girlfriend for well over a year now, and know that I want to propose to her. I already know where and when I wwould like to propose. The only thing is that both of us are very traditional in this respect meaning...I am going to tell her father of my plans to propose to her, but that it wouldn't feel right unless I had his blessing. The mere thought of this is scaring the hell out of me!! I knew from the moment that we met that she is the one that I am meant to share my life with. She told me it took her a month to see the same thing. For some reason her father scares the crap out of me! I am looking for advice on how to tell him this...mainly things like:

How can I get him alone to ask him?
How should I ask him?
things like that

I know that I want to tell him why I love Jessi, how I will provide for her, the usual answers to a dad's questions; and things like that. The only thing that I can't figure out, is HOW to do this.
I have been married before, but my ex and I went to a JP because we didn't want her mum to interfere. She doesn't know who her dad is, so I couldn't ask him. I was stupid and young. I have learned from those past mistakes, and grown up so much since then. That is another thing that I will have to contend with as well. I am nervous as a longtail cat in a room full of rockin' chairs! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Have you dealt with him before? Do you guys talk? Is the level of confidence enough to ask him to go out for some drinks, or something? Because if you don't speak to him often, it's going to be difficult...
Or maybe you can tell him you want his advice in an important matter...

That is very sweet of you to want to propose in that manner.

First I have to ask, is she on good terms with her father? If they are not, or they do not see eye to eye on many issues, then I wouldn't bring him into the matter.

If they are very close and get along well, then I would dress nicely...casually but nicely, like a button down shirt and khakis, and I would invite her father to lunch and talk and get to know eachother a bit.

Towards the end of the lunch before you two leave, I would say "Sir, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm truly in love with your daughter. I brought you here to ask your permission for her hand in marriage."

Or something like that.

Well! If you want to use the anthropologic approach :p you can always make him an offering that will unite both your families. In some societies, they use ressources like fish or nuts. You can also promise him that relations between his families and yours will be good. In some places of Africa, i've also read that if you promise the parents-in-law to bury them after they die, it somewhat boosts your chances. Anyways, i'll spare you the rest ^^; .

Do you really think the dad will object? I mean, the mere fact that you are talking to him about it indicates what sort of respect you have for both his daughter, himself and that whole side of the family! Major points, right there. You might give him a call, or send him an email letting him know you have an important matter to discuss with him. If I were the father of an eligible daughter and a young suitor asked formally to talk to me, I would at least be prepared for some such talk (and will get over his initial astonishment ) and prepare a decent answer as a gesture of his respect for you, whatever his answer.

just remember, once it gets over, you don't have it to be nervous any more about!

Good luck