stupids tupid tupidstup id!! ! ahh i am . . .

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there is this guy i talk to online and i kind of like him, but i messed it all up. we were so close to meeting up to see a movie and i had to be a rude aspie and ruin it all!
we were having a great conversation and then i f****d it all up. after i told him i was going to bed,
he gave me his number so that i could contact him about movie times tomorrow... and i had to say the stupidest, rudest, most horrible thing ever!
so here's how it went:
him: i might not always pick up
him: if you need to contact me about movie times: (***) ***-****
...and then look what i just HAD to to blurt out:
me: i won't blow up your phone, trust me
........
oh my god.
he just said "ok"
and then "night" and signed off without finishing what he was going to tell me.
god damn it, i am scum. he probably doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
what should i do now? i think apologizing would just make it worse but maybe i'm wrong. he was clearly offended.
obviously if he was interested in the first place, he wouldn't have said "i might not always pick up" first, right? he said that because he was afraid of me obsessively calling him, no? am i ret*d or was that a normal reaction?

I'm probably not the best one to ask, but it seems to me that you are having a perfectly normal (if uncomfortable and impractical) reaction to having offered yourself and having the ball in your court. Of course it's scary! But I doubt that you're being rejected in the manner that you envision.

He's a guy. They don't do emotional whirlwinds. Ask the others whether/when to phone him.

Here's a good tip: if you go to a movie together (or whatever) then he's going to need to know he's still free. He will ignore you completely. Let him. Don't email or call.

Good luck!

......... That's not a big deal.

If you could completely erase your sense of panic and embarrassment, you'd be doing yourself a favor.

He does not care about that statement.

If anythings going to sabotage you, it's not by saying the wrong thing; It's by wrongly thinking that every little detail is a big f'ing deal, and proceeding to over-react.

It's not a big deal.

Just wondering how that is even offensive?

Did he lose someone in a suicide bomb attack? I can't see how else anyone could possibly ever even start to find that offensive.

Honestly, if a woman said that to me, I'd laugh. That's actually a pretty cute joke to end a conversation on. I'm not even kidding or trying to mock you or anything... you're definitely fine right now. I wouldn't worry about it.

Maybe he just didn't get what you meant, cause I kinda don't. I'd go ahead and give him a call about meeting up at the movie, and don't bother mentioning it.

I'm guessing the offensive bit was the suggestion that you wouldn't call excessively? Implying that you're not interested enough for that, or something. I still don't think it's a big deal, though, as everyone else has said. He may not even have picked up on the negative implication - I didn't, at first.

When it comes to IM conversations, my experience has been that it's a bad idea to read too much into any single message. Even if you don't factor in the fact that most people can't articulate themselves as well from behind a keyboard, use broken English and keep messages short and blunt for convenience (making them seem aloof and disinterested, when they're usually not), you're still missing a ton of information that would be communicated in a face-to-face conversation. It can be really hard to even detect someone's mood unless they spell it out for you. Hopefully your guy is aware of this and knew not to read too much into your comments too.

Please don't use the term 'ret*d' to denigrate your behavior. It is offensive to the ret*d and to us whose AS has been referred to as 'ret*d' all their lives.

That sort of mindless discrimination is not appropriate for a Autism Support Forum.

Merle

I don't even get it...Let alone how that could be offensive. I'm sure he wasn't offended.

I wouldn't be offended by that. I think it would probably just make me laugh.

overreacting, i think. Feel free to shyly call him back, he might even enjoy talking to you. :p

Exactly what I was wondering. I dont see why this is such a big deal?

Then again, I sometimes get stuck worrying about s**t like this. Stuff that people thought nothing of at the time and instantly forget, I find myself dwelling over for days. That's just a part of being what we are.

I don't see how that was rude.

Perhaps he's still getting to know you, because he likely assumes certain perceptions till you proove them differently. With that in mind, it just makes sence to me why he would then say that. You didn't do anything wrong either. Go right ahead and call back.