The girl with the broken wing..

Post Reply New Topic

It seems anymore that I'm mentally attracted to the girls that seem to have been either down on their luck, masochistic, depressed, etc...

I'm sure most people would conclude the above stems from predatory mentality. I would rather be her own personal superman and see the love in her eyes than get laid any day.


Just wondering if any of you felt the same.

I attract women with a history of trauma. It's my love-map, unfortunately. I am not happy about it. I used to try to fix them and feel like it was my mission in life. I got clobbered enough to realize whatever anger they had at their parental units they were just using the relationship as an arena to project that onto me for having dared to love them, since the last people that loved them hurt them and betrayed them. They were going to make me pay for daring to love them since love for them held such conflict, it was inseparable from pain. This probably makes me a masochist who will die from cancer. As you can see, I no longer have any illusions about the romantic nature of this affliction.

Made this mistake twice, paid dearly, not doing this again. This is because the "broken ones"... you give them a hand, but instead of grabbing it and pulling themselves up, they pull you down in the dirt. And never let up.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWyeVfuolT4[/youtube]


...More seriously, yes, I have an occasional, small urge to 'rescue' girls. Usually I don't realize it until after-the-fact. It's a nuisance, and no good comes of it.

It's interesting that you refer to these types of girls under the heading "the girl with the broken wing." I read a book on body language once and apparently women will let their rist go floppy when they are around a guy they like (sort of like a broken wing) to show that she is weak and needs looking after (gay men do it too and often over-emphasise the floppy wrist) So it appears that it is natural for a man to be attracted to a woman that he wants to protect and look after.

I think that is why men are often not attracted to me because I am very independant and don't appear to need looking after.

P.S. I am a huge fan of Mr Mister - I totally love that song!!

I feel attracted to "outsider girls" myself, because I've been hurt so much myself and it's probably why I'm attracted to outsider/artist women.
I sometimes feel like a serial killer because I feel like these are the only girls I'm attracted to, I feel like I'm exploiting them.

I think I am the archetype.

But as you can read in another post of mine I have never been in a relationship until the age of 44.
And then I found this wonderful girl from across the Channel that I immediately fell for like a ton of bricks as if I had been waiting for her all my life.

And yes, she has a few broken wings to deal with.

It think, I hope, I want to believe that a lot depends on the character of the girl. Everyone has a different reaction to the troubles life has placed upon their path.

BTW, I love mr. Mister too. You think that is contagious?

Sometimes I feel like finding a broken woman is the only way I'll ever find true love. Maybe it's because she would match me more than any other type of woman? I don't know...

This is trying to compensate for your own social problems, by justifying that to yourself as if you are somehow helping. It isn't remotely like a broken wing. That isn't a good analogy at all. People can have life long traits an problem, you aren't going to fix them even if that were possible. You aren't the best person to do that.

Yes, this does happen I'm afraid. I can totally relate to your problem. Been there, done that, as they say. You try to help someone and then you just end up as bad or worse than they are. That's what happened with me and my ex-wife. Sometimes, it is not that obvious that they have a "broken wing" until much later. That happened to me. It took me several years to recover from that mess, but I have learned to be VERY careful of who I become involved with. Proceed with caution, is the learning I got from it.

But, be assured that not all "broken wings" are lost causes. I have known several women who came from horrible marriages and childhoods, abuse, etc., who owe their present lives to men who cared about them and helped them overcome their issues. I think that the key here is that they need to acknowledge their issues, as does their partner, and they both need to work on them. I would suggest that professional help is really a necessity as well, not to mention lots of time, patience and understanding. If someone does not acknowledge their problems openly, then they are more than likely to just get worse over time.

My other thought is that since some of us have problems ourselves, that we unconsciously seek out those who also have problems. Kind of, the misery loves company, syndrome. I would be cautious of this happening to you as well.

Hope this helps.

I'll agree with the first statement, but I don't really agree with the reasoning behind it. As I mentioned above, I feel as though a woman that had problems would probably be a better match for me than one who wasn't. And I think now that this is because well-adjusted women are ultimately boring and unattractive. Someone who doesn't have to deal with any major personal issues in life, either physical or mental, doesn't know what its like to have to deal with these issues day in and day out, and leads a much more carefree, shallow life.

That said, there are more people like that than "normal" people, so maybe there's hope...

That's a bit unfair don't you think? There are loads of wonderful interesting well adjusted people in the world.

To say women have to be maladjusted in order to be interesting is rather a cruel demand to place on anyone. Personally, I would rather be happy, wih peace of mind than give two hoots about whether or not people like you found me interesting.


Sorry, but that's not true. Just because someone has been lucky enough to avoid major trauma in life does not mean they are now living a shallow existance. Equally, many people with issues are quite self-absorbed and superficial.

I think the motivation for dating these types of people is that people sometimes have low self-esteem, and they feel like someone with a "broken wing" is the best they can do.

Sometimes I feel that way, but I would like to think I am (or at least have great potential to be) good enough for someone more independent.

My wife and I both have battle scars. It is a fine line, as too little experience leaves the potential partner unaware or unable to understand the challenges that remain as a result, while too much leaves insurmountable baggage and a victim mentality. Having someone who has felt similar pain but is unwilling to allow you to wallow in it seems the most ideal solution. Someone too 'damaged' isn't attractive to me, but neither is someone who has no desire or 'need' for me either.


M.

Well that's just my experience. I'm sorry if I offended you...

My intention wasn't necessarily to insult people that may not necessarily have any problems, merely that I can more easily identify with those that do. Someone with a problem of their own can get an idea of what I have to go through every day, and thus has a common frame of reference from which I can get to know them better and possibly start a relationship. Obviously my remarks didn't come out the way I intended...

ToadOfSteel, the reasons you describe are exactly why I've been drawn to the "broken" girls. Because there's a "shared darkness" and seemingly a higher awareness level. Unfortunately there appears to be a very fine line between finding a "broken" girl, and a girl who "WAS broken".

The former is forever stuck in their status quo. They like misery and drama, that's the only way they know how to live. The latter is actively healing themselves, yet they can never let go of darkness that is now part of them.

I've only stumbled onto the former so far, which served to dissuade me from ANY flavor of "broken girl" at this point.