Should I email him or not?

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Some time ago I posted this in this forum:
"There's this guy who's fond of me and I am fond of. I just emailed him last night telling him I have AS. I feel scared now that someone knows this about me ... and whether we can have a relationship or not. He seemed very keen to have a relationship (before I told him). Sorry. Just felt like ranting. So far he accepts my social inadequacy, but knowing you have a condition is another thing."

Now 1 month is over and he still hasn't replied. In the meantime I am intellectually and emotionally unfulfilled and miss his emails. I also know he's going through a tough time and fighting depression and feelings of inadequacy in life.

I'm surprised he didn't write to jilt me because he is a nice guy and I thought he would do the proper thing. FYI, he helped me a lot with my studies and uni applications, listened to my rants, and said sentimental but not perverted things to me.

Should I email him? If yes, what should I write to him about?

Thnaks!

I think that it would be better just to talk to him rather than e-mail.

I can't. He's studying overseas in a different time zone, and I don't have his number. We always communicate via email.

They say that meaning is lost and miscommunication is more common when its not directly talking to someone. This should be the order, of most information lost vs. least:

Anything with type-written text like texting, emailing, IMing, or any of these things printed out.
A handwritten letter. Emotions can come through in how the person writes.
A telephone call. Body language is lost (not that all autistics care about this )
A video conference. Its funny, but I know a guy who was the head engineer at a tech company. He'd still go fly to their other office in Texas because meaning was lost in video conferencing.

And talking, when you are physically proximate.

Thanks for the advice ... but what do I write to him about?

I'd email him and just say that it's been a while and that you're just making sure he's OK and that he got your last email.

Hmmm....I guess that goes back to what you're hoping to achieve with the email.

It's really odd that he just kind of dropped out of your life after you revealed your AS. I think his lack of contact is likely related to your last email, since I'm assuming he wouldn't typically go a month without emailing you.

So before you email him, I'd consider what cutting off contact with you tells you about him and his character? How does that affect your feelings for him? What do you want from him? What do you hope to communicate to him?

You're the only one who can answer those questions, but I think you'll be better off if you answer them before you write to him. Good luck.

I wouldn't press him about the lost email or AS. If he's battling with depression, he'll be focussing on that as it is. Just send him a nice email letting him know that you are grateful for his support in the past and would like the chance to return the favour and will be there if he needs to talk.

Try not to sound too much as if you 'need' him to email you (I know you don't); this may provoke a reflex negative reaction on his part.

It may be that he simply hasn't replied because 1) he's too busy with his studies 2) is having a tough time with his depression and does not feel motivated to e-mail you back and 3) Perhaps he has issues of his own that he does not want to drag you into. Maybe drop him a line and say "how are you doing," "hows Europe (or wherever he is)," "hows your studying going," and say that your thinking about him and see where things go.

Web-cams or web-phone, then?

He doesn't do that, I notice. No one suggested it. Then again there's the time zone factor, and I think he spends time with his drinking or whatever buddies to ease the loneliness. He is very depressed and lonely. He's not sure what to do in life even thought he's very intelligent with degrees from top universities. And I don't know how to counsel him because I'm 8 years his junior. Any suggestions on what to write? I'm feeling very lonely now, and no one thinks he's jilting me. I am very confused.

Thanks for the advice anyway. My mum told me to email him to ask about accommodation at the university I'm going to (he went there years ago). I mentioned nothing personal this time. He replied that he was very busy (they make slaves of Phd Students) and he never suspected I had AS. In fact he says he's very comfortable writing to me and doesn't find me odd, just a geek which he deems to be positive. He also thinks he's odd. I am beginning to wonder whether he has mild AS ... he admits he is insensitive and gets depressed. Also he's a qualified mathematician from a top university. I do know his dad has a habit of staring at the people he talks too, and the whole family is good at math.