OK Cupid

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Was talking to one of my friends on okc about ppl posting about asperger's in their profile and about how it is a good thing to do.

This same friend has a very helpful guide for using the dating site so I thought I would post this guide.

I personally like the site and have met some cool people through it. His guide, while specifically for okc, has lots of general good pointers for dating as well.

So here you go!

http://community.livejournal.com/okcupi ... /3893.html

If you use okc... My friend (whose okc sn is on the guide) is a very helpful and caring person. He's very obsessive about teaching people how to successfully use the site and is aspie friendly So for those who use the site, or choose to do so, I hope this guide helps.

Thanks. Looks useful.

I joined Okcupid last year out of curiosity. (I wanted to observe people interacting through online dating sites but did not want to pay a monthly fee on one of the bigger sites)

After getting bored and several months of staying off the site, I decided to actually try it for dating and friend making. I added that I have asperger's syndrome, and I have gotten a lot of stupid messages since then. Some people seem to find it vaguely interesting, but have very little understanding of asperger's and have even less interest in learning more about it. Others just use it as an icebreaker - "so you have aspergers? thats cool. what food do you like?".
In the way of messages, I have gotten things like "it's ok [that you have asperger's] 'cause you're really pretty", "you're hot so you should be able to get a date anyway", "I used to be shy too but like meeting people and better selfesteem helps", and my favourite, in answer to me explaining that I want to date someone with similar interests to mine and don't think I could date someone with whom I share no interests, someone said "Yeah, but are you sure that's you or just the asperger's talking?"

I do think it is a good idea to let people know about the asperger's early when one is looking for a date; however, at least in my case, putting asperger's in one's profile can lead to a lot of asinine comments.

...maybe I have incorporated it into my profile poorly.

I've been on the site for almost two years and haven't gotten a date out of it. I've exchanged some messages, though. A few women have told me I have a pretty impressive profile, so it can't be that. I did meet someone off the site, but it was a group meet-up, not a date, and we weren't compatible.

I've given up on online dating sites. It's not that I have anything against them, but rather, my inability to make small talk, even online. I just can't figure out what to say other than, "Hey, saw your profile, looks like we have a lot in common. I'm also interested in X. What's your favorite thing about Y? Hope to hear from you."

I've gotten silly messages about AS ect and statements that I couldn't have it (due to looks, is my only possible conclusion).

But I can't knock it cause listing it in my profile is what got me talking to a very sweet AS-ish software engineer nerd-dork-type

I'd rather get it out of the way in the beginning and don't mind a lot of the up front generic talk about AS... But then again, I've had moderate experience teaching various things and am used to (even enjoy???) the somewhat monotonous perfunctory introduction topics.

Looks interesting. I'm on the site but I don't use it much right now. I'll give it a read when I have more time.

What do you think it means if you send someone a message, and then they delete their account?

I've still got the magic.

I've been on okcupid for 5 years but I only signed up for the quizzes, of which I have taken many.

Sometimes I think maybe I should try using it as a dating site but I just don't like having to write about myself in a way that feels like an advertisement, and I don't want to put up a photo of myself because I don't have any good ones.

Actually it was funny a few weeks ago I was on there taking some quizzes and I suddenly got a pop up window with some guy saying hello. Apparently an IM feature had been added since I last signed in, it was quite surprising and confusing at first. I've chatted with a few people since and I can't decide if it's more annoying to be interrupted while quizzing, or if I should suck it up and be social by chatting to people.

The chat feature does feel a bit intrusive. You can probably disable it, I'm guessing.

Its usually on by default. You can turn it off anytime you want.
I used to get paranoid about people IMing me randomly while I was browsing or quizzing so I kept it off religiously. However i do tend to keep it on now when I'm on.
Not that anyone IMs me so I'm not missing anything.

In the five years or more I've been on the site I saw one person that I was interested in, in my area but I couldn't get a conversation going before she left the site. It took that long and it failed so I'm pretty soured on the site. It's not the sites fault, it just took so long for a promising start, and then nothing.