Now what...?

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My sister has been pestering me for a few months saying that her fiance has a friend that would be perfect for me. We are very alike and I do know him, I see him quite regularly, so it's not like she's trying to set me up on a blind date. The thing is though, to me, and pretty much everyone I know, he seems quite happy on his own. He says he is, but I always say that to people too, so I suppose that doesn't really mean anything.

So if she's going to pair me up with anyone, he's proabaly not the best choice. So I told her to leave me alone. The thing is, she's not the only one that keeps dropping hints that we might make a good couple.

After spending a bit of time around him, I find him easy to talk to and I do actually like him. Now what. I'm upset now. I was quite happy not needing to be around him. Now I like him, I don't know what to do.

Bite the bullet, call your sister, and ask her to arrange the fix-up. Problem solved.

I don't understand your issue with him being happy "on his own." Would you be more inclined to date him if he were desperately unhappy and clinging to the idea of a relationship like a life preserver? Don't happy, secure people generally make better partners? I think they do. So I think you should thank your lucky stars for the possibility of a nice relationship.

You do realize you've allowed yourself to be seduced by a fantasy?

Be honest with yourself early to avoid disappointment.

But wouldn't guys who are happy on their own be less inclined to date at all? I think that's the argument that the OP is trying to make...

Lots of people say they are happy being on their own when they really aint though and would rather give people that impression so they don't look weak.

You obviously know him well enough to know he is safe to be around, so why not ask him out and see how you get on in a one to one environment.

Roll the dice and see what the result is, if you don't but a ticket, you won't win the raffle.

Your sister is absolutely right. You and I would make a perfect couple!

I don't think there's any correlation between a person who makes a reasonably satisfying life for him/herself and desire to have a partner. I believe such a person actually makes a better partner, because he/she won't bring the need to "be made happy" to the relationship. They probably view having a partner as "icing on the cake" of a pretty good life.

No, she's right. Girls would much rather have a guy who isn't moping all the time and crying about being alone.

Especially if he's independant and self sufficient.

Being "happy on your own" is a bit different from "I'm asexual and have absolutely no interest in the opposite sex at all." It just means you're content with who you are and not desperate to find somebody...anybody.

Which, to musicboxforever's advantage, means if he decides he likes her, he's thinking with a clear head and not just going after the first person he sees.

Go out on a date with the guy! What's the big deal? Keep your expectations low. (I.E. don't dream of a life together. :p )

You are trying to rationalize why a date would be a bad thing. You need to ask yourself why?

You won't know if he's good for you until you two go out and talk.

A date is not a beginning of a relationship. It's just a date. If you guys click there will be a second date. If not, there won't. Even a second date is just a date.

Things get a little more serious around a third date.

I know... you are uncomfortable with having to shoot the guy down, or afraid he may not be interested in you. Take a chance! You have to. What's the alternative?

Think of it this way: there are no sure things in dating and relationships. Everything is a chance. So take a chance sooner rather than later.

But if I wasn't actively seeking a partner due to not needing one, how am I supposed to start a family? Cloning?

You don't want a family.

Do you have any kids in your extended family? Cousins, nieces?

Babysit one over the weekend. That should cure that.

A partner is one thing. Finding a person you click with is the greatest feeling in the world.

Minivan, soccer practice, trouble at school, bloody noses, peanut butter and jello on the door knobs... do you want that REALLY? Or is the society pressuring you into it?

I'm never having kids. Screw that.

You don't sound opposed if he's not opposed. If you know each other... It might be easy enough for them or you to find out whether or not he is opposed to the possibility. If he's not... go on a date!

First... sorry for the thread derail.

Second... what she said. Same thing I said, but in fewer words.

GO OUT WITH THE GUY! Keep it casual. No commitment. It's just a dinner or a coffee date. TALK!

I know that mostly you have all said positive things, but this is my fear. I can never tell whether someone really likes me or not, I really have no idea. So more often than not it is a fantasy and that's what worries me. This chap is pretty self confident. If he wants to ask me out, I'm sure he could manage it. He keeps lending me cds to get me to talk to him which is sweet. So I lend him cds too.

He is a bit Sheldony though and I feel like there is no point suggesting going somewhere with him, it seems better to let him come up with the idea. He does like his peace and quiet. At first I found him really annoying, but now I've got to know him a bit better and through reading comments on here from people who are in a relationship but also need their own space I think I understand him better.

I feel like I have to try and subtly hint that I like him, so that he gets it, but I'm not sure how to do that. He handed me back some DVDs I loaned him the other day and I blushed. I'm pale and red headed. It was obvious that I was blushing! I just wanted him to go away because I was embarassed. And that is part of the problem. I feel stupid when I like someone. I don't like it, so I avoid him. I'm doomed.

You and everyone else on this planet

And that, OP, is the real issue. All that stuff about him being all self-sufficient, etc. are excuses. You don't like feeling the vulnerability (that we all feel, btw) that liking someone causes. Your behavior is actually typical: we tend to try to find fault with the object of our affection, for the very reason that it lessens that feeling of vulnerability, e.g., if we find fault, they can't be that great, and if they're not that great, it won't be so disappointing if they don't like us.

Hon, there's no way around it - if you want the relationship, you're going to have to power through the discomfort. Or....don't power through it and don't have the relationship. It's your choice, but remember: nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck.