Some things that even your best friends won't tell you

Post Reply New Topic

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_shyness
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy_syndrome
http://con.ca/issues/7/9/1194

From nice guy syndrome

Passive aggression

Dr Robert A Glover's "nice guy" theory is that the "nice guy's" relationship problems are due to passive aggression. He believes the niceness requires the men to suppress the overt expression of their desires, which leads to less direct covert expression. This can lead to many relationship problems, including an inability to form romantic relationships with women. His cure is to treat the passive aggression. He also acknowledges trait confusion in sufferers.

true true... well i've decided to be a badass from now on!! !! take no prisoners! this is the gospel truth@! !

Ask a women what she wants and she will say "I want a good guy, just like any woman does."

Then you say, "If women want a nice guy, how come they never pick me?"

Can you see the dicotomy here?

If the face in your avatar is yours, I don't think your problem is that you're too nice instead of having too high an opinion of yourself. The face in that avatar just looks really freaky; it's something about the bugged-out eyes and lack of smile, I think.

That's some pretty interesting stuff. I like one of the links on the Wikipedia page - http://meetyourgreens.com/niceguysyndrome.html.

Of note:

Women are also looking for a certain amount of strength and confidence in potential mates.

In essence Nice Guy Syndrome is when a man has got locked into the 'soft' side of his nature and has somewhat disowned the 'harder' aspects of his male energy. This is understandable in that many men are trying to redefine maleness and what that is about. In order to get a handle on something sometimes we need to let the pendulum swing too far the other way. Men exploring their soft side sometimes find it difficult to find their way back to a balance state and reclaim other aspects of themselves.

What the Nice Guy most needs is balance. He needs to develop those 'hard' qualities that counterbalance his well-developed soft qualities. Those hard qualities are things like confidence, boldness, assertiveness and the like.

What the hell is so great about strength and confidence? This isn't 500 B.C. when men had to protect their wife from lions, runaway chariots, the wrath of the angry gods, and collapsing pyramids. I think those are pretty shallow traits to look for. The classical definition of "maleness" is an unacceptable, narrow view of which males women will consider as a potential mate. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man having a soft side to him. We don't have to have confidence, boldness, and assertiveness. Likewise women don't have to have a certain breast size, hairstyle, or thigh width. Get used to it folks. There is more to a relationship than these stupid things.

People in general need to look beyond these dumb things. A relationship should be about the PERSON, not how much confidence they have or how large certain body parts are.

I am going to be a Nice Guy and if others don't like it, that's too freaking bad. We are a very shallow society that still has primative caveman traits.

... all of which are NORMAL aspergian traits... plus i have a helping of autism too, and "love shyness" and "nice guy syndrome"... yeah i really got the variety pack

i always thought that photo was pretty cool...

anyways FCUK THE WORLD... that's my photo, and that's how i look when i'm myself... i'm not a pr0n star.... i'm a circus freak... but so what? i'll become president some day and then i'll launch nukes and blow up the planet, and then where will you all be???

um.....vapour?

oh and did i mention, i have crossed eyes? and my left eye is blind too...

oh puh-leeze.. where's my violin...?? dude this is so not the attitude to have if u wanna get laid! if u continue on like this, the only job you'll be fit to have is catholic priest... cos they're celibate but atleast they get paid for it...! sure they go to heaven & all, but i hear it's not such a great place...!

I'm not looking to "get laid" though. That's not even a relationship - that's lust.

Well, each to their own, hey?
Some prefer nice guys, I am one of them and it worked for me because now I have one.
Under all that bravado you exude, ladies will see your soft interior, you can't fool everyone.

Actually, I just decided to be a badass yesterday to see if it would get me laid. It didn't. Here's what I did: I walked up to an attractive young lady, said hello, started talking to her, and then suddenly beat her up and took her lunch money. She was none to pleased and definitely was not in the mood after that!

Good luck on your endeavors, though.

The problem with pretending is that you tend to forget you're pretending sometimes. There's been cases where I've dated a girl and pretended to be this or that, then when the relationship gets going, I just revert back to myself. Sure enough, the girl realizes you're not who she thought you were, and end of relationship.

Ya know, it's very possible to be a nice guy and not be a pushover...I don't view "nice" as a synonym for "doormat." This may be how it winds up for a lot of people, but I've never made that connection, because it's very possible to be both brutally honest and kind at the same time. (It's what I've always tried to be, but usually failed due to occasional bouts of emotional explosion.) I very much suffer from "love shyness," however, even despite this part: "He is a person without a past history of any emotionally close, meaningful relationships of a romantic and/or sexual nature with any member of the opposite sex." Well, I have been in an emotionally close, meaningful romantic relationship--it was an online relationship, which I know may seem stupid, but it really was emotionally real. However, that said, the fact that it was with someone who (at the time) had trouble committing and was simply too "busy" to take part in any sort of relationship definately didn't help. But boy, was it emotional at times.