Have a hard time not getting infatuated with guys I meet

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aziraphale
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21 May 2010, 11:31 pm

Well, nearly any hot guy who hits on me I end up getting infatuated with. Probably has something to do with my low self esteem. Any advice on stopping this, because it causes problems?



makuranososhi
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22 May 2010, 12:05 am

Other than finding a mechanism of self-control, I don't know what else you can do. I would caution against dismissing it on self esteem as well (though quite possible) as other beliefs can also manifest in such a manner. Perhaps an google phone number, so people don't call you directly when you give that number, creating space. I think managing this will require a conscious strategy to address.


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phil777
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22 May 2010, 12:11 am

Tell yourself the same thing most (realistic) people will come to the conclusion to : There's a lot of hot people to go around, knowing that, is it worth getting infatued with every one of them? For guys and girls alike? <.<



Freak_Contagion
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22 May 2010, 12:15 am

Hrm.... I would suggest socializing a lot and getting out of your shell, to be honest. This can help you feel better about yourself, which in turn helps you get in touch with yourself, and recognize more of the mental aspects of romance and potential romantic partners.

As for how.... Just try to randomly strike up a conversation with someone who seems friendly now and again. If it doesn't work, try not to lose heart. Other people probably have better advice on how to be more social around here, but generally, it's a good idea to help feeling down, I think. As long as you make sure to find people you really share interests with somewhat, and whom are really friendly and not just users. It takes some serious thinking about other people's personalities and motives, which can be hard, but is worth it.

In the short term though, for the erstwhile, I suggest applying that last sentence of the above paragraph a lot. Even try to make a game from time to time of figuring out what other people will do when it doesn't really relate to you personally, to help you hone your skills at it.

....

Honestly, I'm not sure that was good advice, but as I figure it, giving bad advice is even better than bumping for giving a problem some attention. People will read it and go "oh no, that's completely wrong," and start thinking more about your problem. If what I said does make some sense to you, or people start agreeing with me on it, then I guess that's good too though.

[EDIT] Not to say the advice here is bad, but it was posted whilst I was writing up this post. lol


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Lene
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22 May 2010, 6:17 am

You have to give yourself a mental kick and tell yourself to snap out of it. Or pretend he has a girlfriend. I found that works, because I'd hate to come between a couple.



poppyx
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22 May 2010, 8:10 am

Speaking as an NT, I used to do that, but outgrew it.

The other thing is that many of the AS's here talk about being obsessed--it's like the infatuation is an escape from reality.

Instead of thinking about whatever guy to escape reality if you're overstimulated or overtired, why not just give yourself some downtime or some distracting activity that you like--

that won't make you get emotionally attached to every jerk that smiles at you.

Wow, is this not just an AS problem.