Over 21 but never had a boyfriend or girlfriend

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I will be 23 in March and I have never dated or had a girlfriend, it is not because I am a bad looking guy (much the opposite). Because of several things I was not interested in getting a girlfriend until I was 22, plus I have been very socially isolated over the past 4 or 5 years. I am hopeful as my social isolation ends this year I will able to get dates or even a girlfriend, then again I could be waiting until my late 20's or early 30's to be in a serious relationship.

I'm not trying to be cruel as I tend to be quite blunt and straightforward with my advice, but if you revolve your life over having a girlfriend so quick to boost your image as a man, it's no wonder you're unhappy.

Why can't you live your life without making relationships top priority?

I am thinking the same way some of the time theapeaguy.

you're not alone - I was 24 before I found anyone (well, I think he found me more than the other way around ). nearly a year later, we're both still very happy there's hope yet, don't give up!

I agree with the pea guy, as usual.

If you get hung up about it you'll always be dispapointed. I've dated and stuff before an to be honest it's a very low priority for me, and i'm happier for it.

I too am beginning to come to the conclusion that its not worth trying. I believe uncompromisingly that the last 20 years have transferred all power to women and girls and too many women are so shallow and conformist, that they will reject any man who they can't understand and therefore, cannot manipulate. On the other hand there are women who are warm and understanding, so just keep hanging around, pretending you don't care, and one day, for whatever reason, you will be chosen.

That's pretty lame.

Men are just as shallow. This quote is probably half the reason you can't get a GF.

Worsedale's got it bang on. This is what I tried to say in another thread. I know the feminists don't want to hear it, but women have been programmed through the feminist movement to reject every man that doesn't fit their extremely narrow view of which men are worthy of their affection. And David DeAngelo knows it - he says that women scratches a man off their list almost as soon as they meet him, if he is a "wuss". The problem is that "wusses" have all the qualities that women say they want, but they don't bother with those men and go into less respectful relationships that they always complain about. And that's why a lot of men get hurt - women say they really like them and they have all the qualities of a great boyfriend, then they go off and spend all their time with some moron that kills her (extreme example, but it DOES happen, despite what the liberals want us to think).

If you're Canadian, you know about the Canadian Tire Guy. He has been criticized and parodied in the media, and while these have been funny, Macleans took it a step further and asked if men are becoming "less manly", citing the Canadian Tire guy as an example of the rest of society. The classic "wuss" that David DeAngelo talks about is becoming far more commonplace, according to Macleans (although DeAngelo wasn't mentioned). Women were apparently really upset about this. Someone made a very heated comment about this in a blog about the Macleans article, saying something about how stupid people are that their view of the world is so narrow that guys like the Canadian Tire guy are seen as useless trash.

On the other hand, men like myself have a broader view of which women are worthy. I don't require them to be thin as a pencil, or have a certain hair colour. It used to be that men were the most shallow, but we have seen a shift that most of us don't want to believe. I have met few, if any women who have a broad view of which men are worthy.

The reason I don't have a girlfriend is not because I am shallow. I have very low standards when it comes to women, and they get lower every year. Three years ago I never would have expected to ever be attracted to people with facial piercings. I'll take almost anyone at this point - as long as they're somewhat attractive (which to me is a very broad and implicit category), and have basic respect and manners. No, the reason is because most women I have met are shallow and refuse to consider me as a potential boyfriend, because I am what Mr. DeAngelo calls a "wuss". Well I'm sorry ladies, but maybe you need to accept that some people are different - and that's without the Asperger's!

And don't tell me I'm bitter, and that all women are going to be turned off by my opinions. I expressed those opinions in political science class not long ago - and two girls from that class came up to me later and said they AGREED with me fully! And these were nice looking girls who are NDP supporters (Canada's equivalent of something to the left of the Democrats).

My point is that women, for the most part (there are some exceptions), are very closed-minded about what men they will date. I am open-minded about women, on the other hand. The No. 1 type of man that they will go for is the stereotypical 50 Cent rapper wannabe, of which there are no shortage nowadays. But 50 Cent isn't me, so I'm not going to do that just to get someone.

My own mother even says that women are more fickle and vicious, both with themselves and with men, than men are.

But don't tell the liberals. There will never be an equivalent to Shallow Hal with a woman looking for a man, because it will be dismissed as sexist and get banned in many states and provinces.

Remember, today in North America, men are the devil.

That would be true, if I expressed this quote in any way shape or form to the outside world. And for some absurd reason, I don't. I've suppressed it (there, its that repressing emotions again thing....), tried over and over again to rationalise it, but its as paralysing a fear as it was when i started thinking it, 2 years ago.
But still I'd rather hang on and wait for a future time, when I won't have any reason to 'suspect' women. And miraculously I'm still confident enough to believe that this societal trend will end, sooner than we all think.

I'm more interested in the kind of short sex-only relationships that only happen in porn, so I'm not interested in getting a girlfriend.

I hear your pain, my good man. I'm not into porn whatsoever as I believe it is degrading of women, but at the same time I can see that your interest in it is the result of much discouragement that is all too typical of what I live.

I don't think porn is degrading as there is an incentive for women to do it -- $$$. Other than that, why else would they go into a business that's "degrading to women"? Cut the BS.

Last edited by thepeaguy on 31 Jan 2006, 4:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It still seems to me that men are more shallow than women.

Got anything worthy of substance to base that notion on, Carla, or just your own personal predjudices?

As you all know by now from my ranting, I've tried to get a girlfriend online, but the fact that I just want sex and know nothing of how to get it.

Same. I see people all the time with ugly boyfriends, but the guys seem to only want to know "HOT" girls.

Of course women are shallow to a large extent, but in no way are men NOT shallow.