Best way to identify romantic interest?
I know from experience that verbal communication often has very little to do with whether or not someone is interested. I've had people call me 'cute', yet they were very clearly interested. Other people aren't exactly into dating 'cute' guys, and if they called me that, it could be a clear-cut indication of no interest.
'The bubble' seems to be the most solid, easily read indication of interest. If being close clearly doesn't bother them, and they end up getting into my bubble as well, then it's clear that they're at least comfortable being close. If there's some level of playful affection, then as far as interest goes, I'm pretty much in the clear.
I was just wondering if anyone else had some advice, anything I could add onto that. It's the single biggest hurdle I have with dating, and it's nearly impossible to work with online. I could use a little help here. XD
_________________
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
~ Albert Einstein
Women are pretty inscrutable, but I would say that generally, the more they seem to want to spend time with you or talking to you on the phone, the more likely it is that they are interested. As with anything, there are no guarantees in life, and women can change their minds.
Exceptions to the above -- someone you work with who has to talk to you constantly to get her job done, someone who has a motive other than friendship to talk to you (e.g., wants to use you for studying, help with a project, etc.), or someone who is just friendly to everyone. All of the above act like prospective girlfriends, but are really just there for business, nothing personal. Same goes to people who just want attention, but who don't actually want a real relationship.
Also, I'm not a full AS (not diagnosed, but have some AS issues/symptoms), so I'm not sure how much harder it is to read girls for full AS than it is for me. NT guys aren't exactly that great at it either, honestly.
All I know is that when I did make things happen, I really didn't have many negative signs -- the girl would talk to me progressively more and more, insert herself into my life more and more, and there was a tipping point where we suddenly got a lot more intimate. Sometimes I made that happen, but she was already ripe for it.
In contrast, the times that this failed, or didn't happen, I really didn't have a lot of clear, positive signs. Things were always pretty ambiguous, and I unfortunately tended to interpret them too positively. It was wishful thinking and not reality. Dunno if this helps.
I like the "bubble" idea. That's a good way to put it.
Things that I've done, or see people do, when they're interested in a guy...
-As you said, the bubble. I usually don't feel comfortable actually touching people I'm interested in, but I definitely get in their space, because I want to be close to them.
-Prolonged, intense eye contact. What I mean by intense is, usually NTs look you in the eye, but they're not really looking at your eyes in any conscious or attentive way, so it doesn't feel like much (at least, to me). When someone who's interested in you looks you in the eye, they're really looking into your eyes attentively, and there's definitely a feeling associated with it. While it's pleasant, it does make me understand why people might find eye contact uncomfortable and overwhelming.
-They look for excuses to see you. And talk to you. And email, call, text message, facebook message, etc...they might randomly send you links, which means they're thinking about you a lot on their own time.
-Along the same lines, they're never the one to end the conversation, and they seem slow to leave.
-They'll dress a little more nicely, or groom themselves a little better, than they usually do. If she ever has a bad hair day, she won't let you see it (this one might not apply to people who REALLY don't care about their appearance, though).
Realize that "NT" and "Aspie" guys are just as confused as each other. No one is going to understand women.
From what I can tell:
1) If a girl takes an extreme/unusually high level of pleasure in hearing about the flaws of someone you're dating, she's interested in getting you to break up with your girlfriend for her.
2) Most girls REALLY hate hearing about other girls you've dated, except in case #1...
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Romantic interest |
13 Dec 2024, 11:13 am |
Knowing someone HAS a motive, but can't identify it?? |
15 Oct 2024, 9:29 am |
Have you been in a romantic relationship with another Aspie? |
11 Dec 2024, 3:25 am |
Anyone has any interest and time to read what I wrote? |
30 Sep 2024, 1:11 am |