Is "You'll find love one day" BS?

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Shadowbound
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01 Jun 2010, 8:38 pm

The only love I've know is either from my family or a pet. Over the years when chatting online people will say the common saying "You'll find love one day" I'm 30 now and 31 this year and I've never known love as in a female partner kind of way. I've wanted it and I've seen women I've been attractive too in the past but I feel completely incapable of doing anything about it. I'll try and think of ways to do something for months with no avail. Either the attempts I try get unrealised by the female or I've taken too long.

High functioning is a cures for me anyway. I desire many of the things NT want. I feel like I'm in a cage sometimes seeing people go for what they want or desire in life and even though it's sometimes though for them too they have the tools to get there. I see the things I want like a business, love, sex and have little Andy's running around but I have no chance of getting any of those things. If I try to get any of the things I desire and want it's like I can go so far but the bars are there preventing me I stretch my arms through the bars of my cage but everything is out of reach and there for completely unachievable because I'm incapable.

So the saying "Get out there" is BS too as I will go out there but I'm still trapped. Sometimes I just end up more depressed as I'd go out and see couples in love hugging, holding hands or kissing and I think I want that but will never get it.



Hector
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01 Jun 2010, 8:59 pm

It seems like depression, or some form of social anxiety, is handicapping you more than AS itself. Pin down a few special interests and join a few social groups related to those interests.

Besides that, no, of course it's not guaranteed that you'll find love one day. Statements like "you'll find love one day" are not statements of fact, or even solid conjectures. They're just things that are said to make you feel better about yourself; much of what is said in conversation is not given with the intent to provide people with information, but rather to make people feel more comfortable.



Bataar
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01 Jun 2010, 10:01 pm

Shadowbound wrote:
The only love I've know is either from my family or a pet. Over the years when chatting online people will say the common saying "You'll find love one day" I'm 30 now and 31 this year and I've never known love as in a female partner kind of way. I've wanted it and I've seen women I've been attractive too in the past but I feel completely incapable of doing anything about it. I'll try and think of ways to do something for months with no avail. Either the attempts I try get unrealised by the female or I've taken too long.

High functioning is a cures for me anyway. I desire many of the things NT want. I feel like I'm in a cage sometimes seeing people go for what they want or desire in life and even though it's sometimes though for them too they have the tools to get there. I see the things I want like a business, love, sex and have little Andy's running around but I have no chance of getting any of those things. If I try to get any of the things I desire and want it's like I can go so far but the bars are there preventing me I stretch my arms through the bars of my cage but everything is out of reach and there for completely unachievable because I'm incapable.

So the saying "Get out there" is BS too as I will go out there but I'm still trapped. Sometimes I just end up more depressed as I'd go out and see couples in love hugging, holding hands or kissing and I think I want that but will never get it.

I'm pretty much in agreement with you. I've been told that too and as far as I know, the person telling me has not invented a time machine and traveled to the future to witness it. It's nothing more than a meaningless platitude. I also hate the "Just get out there" and "Be yourself" comments. For me, they are a contradiction. I can't do both at the same time. What sucks for me, is that my hobbies and interests are pretty much guy centric. I meet a girl I like and want to date about once every 2 or 3 years but she's either too young (for me) or already in a relationship.



hale_bopp
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01 Jun 2010, 10:47 pm

I do believe there is someone for everyone, but I don't believe finding them is easy.
I can understand how you say people who say that are annoying, because yeah they don't know they just say that with no real idea.

I don't know if you will find your match, but I really hope you do.



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01 Jun 2010, 10:48 pm

I think it varies from person to person, whether they will find love. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Bottom line. I've been told that many times myself and think that at least for me, at this point, it's BS. But who knows? That just may change.



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01 Jun 2010, 10:51 pm

I have other things to worry about.


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cyberscan
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02 Jun 2010, 12:14 am

I've heard that one all my life. I'm 42 and still have not found the "love of my life." Maybe when I am old and using a walker I will, but I will then be much too old to enjoy much of a physical relationship.


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cyberscan
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02 Jun 2010, 12:16 am

The just be youself comments are B.S. I've been myself, and that has not accomplished getting a g/f.


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02 Jun 2010, 1:05 am

I feel "you'll find love one day" and it's counterpart "there's someone for everyone" are meaningless cliches'. Here in the US, there is a saying that parents tell their children that anyone can grow up and become president Sayings such as these sound good but are not reality. I am 54 and single. From my experience, there is not much demand for autistic men especially ones with Aspergers. We're either too smart or too dumb. Originally I felt that I needed a woman to complete myself. I personally feel that "love" is an initial attraction to get two people together to procreate. Since I am too old to raise children, I don't have that desire to find a mate and reproduce the species. I have learned to be very content by myself which I feel is an advantage of Aspergers.



Seanmw
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02 Jun 2010, 1:18 am

not necessarily BS. Only BS if you never actually find it. But if you do find it, then it's not only not BS, but totally awesome.

& in that sense it has alot in common with the concept of good luck.


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nick007
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02 Jun 2010, 1:56 am

I know how you feel OP. It seems like most all the advice I get from NTs is complete rubbish to me & it contradicts other advice the person has given me before. Like a person will tell me to be myself then the same person will suggest that I go a bar/club & buy women drinks. The people giving me advice know I do not drink so it seems like their advice is contradictory to the being myself advice they already gave me. I think lots of people (piratically NTs) like to give out feel-good answers to problems because they do not know what else to say or they do not care to think of a real solution. When I talk about being lonely; my NT friends tell me to hire a prostitute. If I was a millionaire like in the movie Pretty Women; it mite would work but I'm not. My friends are rite in one way thou because a woman would have to be drunk or on something to give me a chance :cry: Unless I can get a lot of money so I could afford to move to another country that has arranged marriages; I'm going to spend my life alone :evil:


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MrDiamondMind
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02 Jun 2010, 2:01 am

Ferdinand wrote:
I have other things to worry about.

Of course you do; you're only 15. This starts to become a nagging issue when you're around 18-20 and you're still single. I think I was 19 when I first became truly annoyed with my single status.



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02 Jun 2010, 2:18 am

This one is an odds game. The odds that you will die without finding love are the odds that this is BS.

An early death or an unlucky life can cause someone to die without ever finding love, I've seen it so I know it exists.

Another way of looking at it is the fact that someone is saying "you'll find love one day" when there is a chance that you won't would mean that it is complete BS just designed to make the person feel better. You may find it, you might not, but someone telling you that the odds are 100% is a steaming crock of BS, or what some would call "a little white lie".


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RICKY5
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02 Jun 2010, 5:05 am

"You'll find love one day" is complete BS meant to make someone feel better about their single status. I'm beginning to think that so much of this "why don't I have a girlfriend" crap is just the need for sex with a lot of socially imposed BS weighing it down.



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02 Jun 2010, 8:11 am

I think a lot of it is that people are generally decent, or try to be, and saying "no, you'll be alone forever. It's hopeless for you." is something only a jerk would say. I think few people want to deliver that message no matter how true they actually think it is.

And also, I can't begrudge (at least when I'm not in a hideous mood) the shiny, happy people from having their happiness dragged down by crappy realities that they don't have to deal with. If I ever get there (doubt it), I'll turn my back on those left behind in a second. Maybe that's rotten, but life is short and I don't believe in heaven.



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02 Jun 2010, 8:33 am

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:
I think a lot of it is that people are generally decent, or try to be, and saying "no, you'll be alone forever. It's hopeless for you." is something only a jerk would say. I think few people want to deliver that message no matter how true they actually think it is.


People could offer real advice thou instead of quoting the same cliches every time like parrots. If people don't have anything helpful to suggest; they could be honest & tell me instead of acting like they know. What others tell me may sound nice & pretty but it is NOT helpful to me


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