What Happens With Your Romantic Obsessions?

Post Reply New Topic

A couple of questions about romantic obsessions?

I'm told that aspies are prone to romantic obsessions? If you have had one, would you share your story?

Do they turn into relationships? How well does that work?

How long does the obession last?

Do you have different kinds of romantic relationships, some obsessions and some not?

Did you ever decide to avoid romantic obsessions? Were you successful?

What is the obsession like? I get the impression they're sort of like what NT's do, but not entirely.

I kind of get the impression that when something they don't like happens with their aspie partner, NT's tend to blame it on the AS, like "i guess im not an obsession anymore" or w/e...


*realizes who he's talking to*
My bad, I thought you were just curious, I'm not trying to attack you.

Seriously though, we're humans too, and a lot of the same problems exist in our relationships.

And unfortunately, I don't have relationships with humans, so I shouldn't answer...

I guess you could say I had a romantic obsession with my former best friend. It was one-sided, and one of the primary contributing factors to the end of our friendship. Despite parting on bad terms with both of us hurting each other, I continued to try to keep in touch with her. I called her on the phone, sent emails to her, kept looking up her Myspace/Facebook, that kind of thing. I also dreamt about her frequently, sometimes as often as all 7 days of the week. The obsession and the dreams have lasted 5 years, but I think they are finally over now.

I know we are both female, but at the time of the obsession I was just a confused teenager who happened to latch onto the first person who showed me compassion outside of my relatives. But I find that the more the years go by, the more I'm positive I'm heterosexual. Hey, if I weren't, I'd probably be obsessed with Angelina Jolie instead of Johnny Depp.

I've had secret obsessions over a few girls a couple times. Most times, they amount to nothing. I never told any of them and like anything else, the obsessions fade over time, especially if the girl is out of my life. If I meet someone who is better, the prior obsession will disappear. I fantasize about girls a lot because I still have never had any and I really want one badly.

Omg, those things are terrible

thankfully i don't have them anymore. Usually they turn out badly, particularly if the interest is one-sided.

Pretty much the same thing happened to me. I latched onto the first guy who extended a true hand of friendship toward me in the last years of high school, lasted about 2 years strong, 4-5 years weak all told. He never liked me back that way, but aside from that we were also close friends, and that friendship has endured the test of time. It didn't matter that he didn't like me back in that way, because the friendship was more important to me.

My very first romantic obsession started around grade 4 and went on for 7 years, although the furthest we ever got was to kiss on the cheek. The one relationship I've had also originated from a romantic obsession. Generally they do last a few years. I don't think I am able to fall in love without it being a romantic obsession (thus sometimes I can spend over a year to two years without being attracted to anyone, until I develop the next obsession).

I pretty much end up just having to get over them. I'd rather have none.

They end when I stop having contact with the person. The last one I had was one-sided, but I still love him, and he does me. We haven't talked in ages.

Yeah, I've had a lot of obsessions...one I spent virtually all of high school obsessing over actually turned into a "relationship" (but only for three weeks). She broke up with her boyfriend, asked me out, then ditched me...along with a selection of parting shots like "I want a man, not a boy", "You're too clingy", "I only went out with you because you were there" and "You can do better than me". I think the last one was kinda a compliment, so I'm not sure where that came from.

There was another girl I'd obsessed over for a while. Like the other one, she got dumped by her boyfriend and asked me out...then she got back with her boyfriend and that was the end of it. She seemed to be annoyed by me not knowing when I was supposed to hold her hand and stuff.

Another one almost turned into something reasonably serious, but I couldn't handle it and ended up totally shutting the girl out of my life.

I think the problem is, I spend so long as a "fan" of them, when anything actually comes of my obsession, I'm just in awe of them...most people don't want a human pet following them around.

All these girls were friends to start with...over the past few years, I've just been mildly obsessing over "strangers" I see often but never really speak to, like people in other offices or (especially) people who work in shops.

I'm not a stalker, honest. Well...a bit maybe.

In my experience they are exactly like having a crush on ("falling in love with") someone. That's one kind of obsession neurotypicals also have.

It's a bad way of starting a relationship, in my opinion. It's better to get involved with someone you truly like, but aren't in love with.

Psychohist, I quite agree. Relationships that start with an obsession are bad, bad, bad.

I've had more than one crush when I'm old enough to know better, that I really am ashamed I even felt that way at all. (OMG, what was I thinking.)

But, my experience with aspies has been that they have romantic obsessions for years longer than NTs. (To the point that apparently getting prosecuted for stalking is common for aspies.)

I have not had a crush as an adult that has lasted longer than six months.

Maybe I'm just shallow.

Sorry to butt in and ask a question, but...where is the line that separates a huge crush and a romantic obsession?

I'm very recently diagnosed with AS, and I've never heard this about 'romantic obsessions.' There have been a couple of guys in my life that might cross into the obsession category, though I hate to say it.

I think it's an obsession if the attraction is of a very high interest, and it's generally one-sided, out of proportion to how the obsessional object treats the obsesee, if that makes sense.

If your obsessional object can basically keep you around to do housework, it's not just a big crush.

Thanks. I've had one-sided crushes before (most have, I suppose), but I don't know if to that extreme. I was always too shy to approach them, so it was more of an admiration from afar thing...so it never got to the point of them using me or taking advantage of me. It may have been pretty close to the line of obsession, I dunno.

When I start becoming obsessive I just do what I can to hide it. I've found that's the best way to handle things.

I will admit that I had a massive crush when I was younger, and that lasted several years. Once I hit middle school though, they didn't last very long, or they were just in passing. I would always attach my mind to someone else to get over the last person, and for the most part, it worked.

Now I focus on keeping my emotions in check, and as things go well, and I get closer to someone, I let that emotional intensity seep out slowly. As long as I time it right, it doesn't hurt anything. My relationships end up being very intense and lovingly emotional, but I like it that way.

It's all timing, and knowing when you should let someone in.

Forget thinking and obsessing. Dreams are way worse, way harder to get rid of.