hard to get and NT dating

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i've pretty much accepted the fact that i'll probably never date another aspie (i would like to but they're incredibly hard to find)
aanyway, i don't know how to play hard to get in a way that actually convinces NT men that i'm NOT obsessed with them. i try to not come off as eager or sappy but somehow every NT guy i'm into ends up realizing i like them and then they lose interest because they know they've got me in the palm of their hand. ...and then they either decide to avoid me or string me along and get what they want out of it. once they know i'm lonely and have social issues i'm sure they assume i'm desperate.
i do everything i can to not seem interested and they STILL presume i'll do anything for them and give up the chase. and i know not to bring certain topics up in conversations like kids, marriage, or anything else that would imply a need for commitment.
just HOW much do you have to feign disinterest in an NT man to keep him intrigued? how do NT women play hard to get? ...and does anyone have any stories/experiences?

First of all, if you need a nice aspie guy to talk to, you can always send me a pm (I for one like it when women take time out of their busy lives to talk to me...) Or just pm anyone at random, really... As for meeting an aspie guy in person, it's hard because we're hiding from the NT world as well. In any case, don't rule it out entirely either.

Anyway, I think the biggest issue aspies run into with the NT dating system is that the whole thing is designed to be like a big hunt. NT's often tend to live for thrills (not saying all, but it seems to be the norm). That's why roller coasters are so popular. That's why the horror movie genre has so many followers. In dating, it's more the thrill of the chase that NT's seem to like than anything else. Many aspies like myself (and I'm guessing you) like the feeling of stability. I have to say it's very comforting to me. But NT's don't necessarily act that way. That's why online dating profiles all talk about "I like to have a good time" or "I love to get out there", etc.

Depends how much you're into them. I usually just ignore them and pretend they're not there, and osess over them in my spare time.

Try and be like that with someone you like, don't look at them too much, pretend you don't care what they do.

I'm not NT but "playing" hard to get isn't playing to me, I simply ignore them and don't talk to them because I don't know HOW to, and it makes me feel like an idiot.

First of all, when you are older, NT men won't be such jerks. Lots of NT men in their thirties and forties would be pretty happy to date a woman that wanted to date them.

Second, if you really want to know how to be manipulative, then deliberately be manipulative.

1.) Don't reply to every phone call or text right away.

2.) Turn down one in three or one in four invitations to do something. (Or be unavailable one time in three or four.)

3.) Don't have relationship talks or tell the guy how much you like him until you've been dating for three to six months.

4.) If a guy acts disrespectfully, don't return his calls for a day or two.

5.) Be invested enough and interested in your own life that the guy is less important.

If he is not chasing you, at least some, then you need to move on. It's really true that unless a man is doing at least 50% of the pursuing, he is taking you for granted.

If you have your own life outside of relationships and aren't codependent, then you don't have to 'play' at it. Try to get involved in some stuff, set some goals to work on, so you have your own life that you're focused on and don't need a guy to stay busy with. Since my first relationship ended, I've never had to play hard to get because I just had other things going on in my life that I was focused on.

-don't accept being treated badly. If he's disrespectful to you, point it out and do what you see fit in the situation. (Don't confuse teasing with dis-respectfulness.)
-don't be available 100% of the time....if you never have other stuff to do such as hanging out with friends, working on a hobby, etc it seems like your life is wrapped around him.
-even though you have social issues, that doesn't mean you can't be confident. There are a million things you can do to look confident, maybe look up some tips.

If every guy is acting as if he's God's gift to you and assuming that you're desperate, something probably needs to change. Do your friends know much about your relationships? Maybe they could be helpful in pointing out something helpful that you're not noticing in your pattern of guys, or something like that. Maybe if you're able to see a counselor they could help you with tips on finding a partner. Sorry I'm not much help, not much dating experience on my end.

Playing hard to get is quite a tricky situation to put urself into. It requires that u know when and how much to play hard and when to be available and how much. More oftyen than not this is determined by the guys reaction to your game.

So I wld say first determine the amount of interest the guy has in u. That will give u an idea of how far u can play hard. If he's all over you like calls everyday, emails everyday and texts everyday, wants to go out all the time and introduce you to his friends then you know you can really play hard. In this case u cld answer every third call, decline an invitation every know and again. Try to limit your initiation of contact to a third of his. It wld be advisable tho to respond to all emails and texts. Just don't do it immediately. Take your sweet time about. For instance u cld respond after three hrs or so but also be careful not to Always respond after the same legnth of time.

Most importantly,gauge his response, if he seems to be losing interest (not calling as often, emailing and texting ect..) That's your cue to stop playing.

_________________
Artsy type NT.
Hons Psych student.
Often mistaken for clueless