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ItsStillOk
Butterfly
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07 Jun 2010, 8:48 am

This question is all about probability and whilst I understand that not everyone thinks alike, I would like to get an opinion on whether there is any possibility that things could work out in the future.

The scenario:
I liked a guy (AS) and I have much reason to believe he liked me too. We were acquainted from Christian meetings that we attended together. In a couple of weeks I was to relocate to another area and becos I believed there was a mutual attraction, I introduced the idea that we could keep in touch and perhaps get to know each other better because I was attracted to him. His response was “I appreciate your honesty and I am really flattered but right now im not looking for something”. Given this, I reverted to negotiating maintaining basic friendship and that failed because he believes that when a person develops feelings for the other, a friendship can not exist altogether. I have now lost all direct contact with this guy.

Question:
1. Assuming that the attraction was mutual in the first instance is there any possibility that when he feels that “he’s now looking for something” that he might turn his attention in my direction. (he has my contact details an we have a few mutual acquaintances)

2. Could this have been a personal rejection :?:


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Shadwell
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07 Jun 2010, 9:10 am

It's sounds kind of like a personal rejection, but it also sounds like he might of been trying to be polite about it. It probably hurts like hell, but we've all been there. I would start looking elsewhere. If you ask me he's foolish.



ItsStillOk
Butterfly
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07 Jun 2010, 11:09 am

Thanks for the response Shadwell.

When I took the risk I knew I cld go either way so it didn't hurt too much.

I have moved on, was just curious becos the above two issues never seemed to get past my mind.


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Shadwell
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07 Jun 2010, 11:15 am

It's commendable you have the courage to try a lot of us probably avoid people we are attracted to.



lelia
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07 Jun 2010, 11:59 am

There is a very slight possibility that after he has looked around for a few years that he might look you up again. But don't hold your breath. I like your courage.



CMaximus
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07 Jun 2010, 12:55 pm

It might be he's more seriously involved with someone else atm, so even though he might appreciate your potential as a romantic interest, if he's decided his loyalties lie elsewhere, that's what he's going to do.

Could be anything else, too, like having a hard time with something else that's come up and he can't process the rigors of romance until he's sorted stuff out. We're like that sometimes, and actually, you should hope this is the case, since when he gets over it he may decide he's ready to reciprocate with you, if your"much reason to believe" he liked you is legitimate. The not believing in friendship with romance potential part might just be an incidentally self-imposed rule for what he sees as an over-complicated interaction, so it might seem to blatantly fly in the face of context if you don't realize how differently his mind works.

I realize that may seem ridiculous and selfish and maybe even quite lame, but the fact is our heads are just in a different place. We tend to not have the automatic, allaround, even flow of navigating life neurotypicals have, especially when it comes to unconsciously putting together (coalescing, if you will) others' actions and then forming an unconscious reaction. We put the thoughts and feelings of others together manually, and have a hard time accounting what expectations might be.