an NT who has questions about AS guys

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Hello everyone - I'm an NT who was in a relationship with an AS guy who didn't know he was AS until after we broke up.

I was wondering - do you guys ever feel regret after a relationship ends and you revisit your own contributions to its conflicts and failings? (And by the way, I'm not saying that the AS is the sole contributor of conflict, I played a big role in the conflict myself).

By regret, I mean "Gee, I can now see I was a real stubborn as*hole. I wish I hadn't done XYZ." or "Wow, now that I know I have AS, I can see why I was doing things a certain way that really contributed to the downfall of the relationship." or "I can now understand why she kept telling me that I didn't display any empathy." or "I can now see why she accused me of being selfish."

I'm asking because I can often feel regret in the sense of - while i'm in the relationship, I can be blind to my own shortcomings and blind to the very strong emotions I'm feeling. Later on, after I've had some distance and time to reflect, I can see exactly why I was misguided and where I was not thinking so clearly.

In my last relationship, I felt like I should have been a better boyfriend to her...

I never made it that far with anybody. Relationships seem like too much work and drama and neediness, and I don't feel as though I should be solely responsible for another person's happiness. I've felt lucky about getting away after a few near misses.

I'd like to know what it means to be guaranteed not to be an as*hole without paralysis through inaction, but so many little things... I don't want to spend my life walking on eggshells. What's in it for me?

Eh, meh.

I have had times when I guess I should have been more reassuring to my g/f or that I should quit making certain jokes.

Thanks for the responses so far. I appreciate it.

My ex just learned he has AS. I'm wondering if he'll have an "aha" moment or so when he looks back at his relationships.

Yes.

I didn't even know about AS until I was 24... It did give me a new vantage point on old relationships. I don't know whether I could have done anything different... But it is why I have waited about 4 yrs to start trying again. Hope it goes better this time.