Jealousy, self-hatred, and other nasty emotions.

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This is my new scenario. I meet a girl at a college Anime club; afterwards we spend the next few weeks hanging out, doing random stuff from videogames (she owns a PS2 and SCII&III) to watching anime from AnimeYume. Sometime later, I learn she has a boyfriend and this shocks me.

Apparently I grew attracted to her and I am feeling a mix of different emotions; first I am a bit upset (though I've suppressed it) as why is it that when I get attracted to someone, they always have a boyfriend EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME?! !? I hate myself for having this emotional anger and vent it out on myself (usually by beating myself up in private physically and mentally), and I worry that eventually I'm going to snap and do something to embarrass me and anger her.

What am I to do; I don't want to scare her away from me, and I also don't want to completely isolate myself from her and kill off any friendship.

I'm going through the exact same thing. I'm having a very hard time finding anyone single around here. And I'm getting really, really f*cking sick of it.

My advice:
Pay attention to her, but not too much attention. Try to figure out what she likes and win her over as a friend. Then, wait for her to break up with her current boyfriend. Get a little closer to her emotionally, but not too close. If she doesn't break up with her current boyfriend, she'll probably make a really good friend and you can leave it at that. If she does break up with her current boyfriend, try to find the right moment to ask her out yourself, and see what happens. Since you'd've known her for a while, there would be a good chance of her saying "yes."
If she doesn't, smile and say "let's just be friends." Then try to work out your feelings through some form of catharsis.
If she does, your life will go well and all will be settled.

That is some very fine advice.

I experience that a lot, and I don't know how to deal with it.

My advice is to eat an apple every day, do a lot of exercise and just wait for someone to fall in love with you. If you give up, that's when people will start being attracted to you. Hardened people who just take each day as it comes and throw their weight around as much as they can for their own good without cross other people's paths almost always will end up attracting people's attention in a good way.

I'll give up...eventually. But I see guys that are trying that are successful too.

The thing about it is that resigning just feels so depressing.

I have the same problem, along with the fact that they're not interested. I also feel that I come off cold sense my emotions go down around a good number of people. Any advice with this?

That's the problem. That's why I'm not giving up. I'd rather feel like I'm making an effort and failing instead of just sitting around watching all the couples and failing. Sitting back won't get me anywhere since people aren't magnetically attracted to me.

I don't know why you guys are focusing so much on trying to get into a relationship...

in my experience it usually when you least expect it.

Instead of using women to validate your life why don;t you find some new hobbies and interests to occupy your time and keep you happy.When you're happy and secure with yourself you become more confident in yourself. Women love confidnece BTW

The reason I want someone so much is because it's an experience I want to have. I have so much affection bottled up in me that I need to release. Only so much confidence can come from within one's self. The rest has to be cultivated by someone else. Even if you are a confident person, the negative actions of others can do a lot of harm to your self-confidence, particularly if you're like me and have a tendency towards depression. I want to experience the thrills, kissing, cuddling, hand holding, touching of hair, and most importantly, the intense emotional love and respect between the two.

Also, getting a first boyfriend/girlfriend has a multiplier effect. If you're seen as single, others will wonder why you're single. A common and easy, although dumb conclusion is that you must be undesirable if you're single. Once you get someone, others notice, and then they think to themselves, "Hmm, if she sees something good in him, I'd like to experience that goodness and I want him!"

Just because you're single doesn't mean you're undesirable. i've met many girls on and offline that have fancied me when I was single.

See if their's nothing wrong with being single but happy with yourself. However if you're single and depserate like you are now, then thats unattractive.

Play it cool when it comes to women. You've got all the time in the world to meet one. Life's not a rat race. Once you digest this concept your confidence will improve.

YES!! !! !! Jman you speak my language. This is what I've been trying to tell a couple of my mates offline now for quite some time.

Really, the desperation is obvious. It sends a signal fire that this person is desperate because they can't get with anyone. Which of course == undesireable.

But oh how I sympathize with the "bottled up affection." thing. It's like...you're seen as weird by people, and you don't show affection muchanyways, so when you hug someone, it creates a real "WTF?" reaction, leading you to bottle it up even more.

"We're all sensitive people with so much to give."

We just gotta hope and/or pray that we can find someone we can share it with.

[Cool-hat point to anyone who knows where the quote is from.]

Au contraire. Last night I was talking to a girl that had contacted me through Lavalife. She had sent me a nice e-mail about how mature I am and how it's great that I'm not just out there looking for you-know-what. Anyways, we're chatting on MSN last night, and she's talking about her past relationships, then she's asking me about mine. Although I said I had dated a number of girls, she said she was uncomfortable with someone who was inexperienced. She insisted that any guy she'll consider has to have experience kissing. I tried to tell her that was really shallow but there was no reasoning with her - she just insisted that experience equals confidence. I asked her what was so great about confidence, but she had no answer. She didn't think there was anything shallow about it. Eventhough she likes everything else about me, my lack of experience is enough to turn her right off. Yes, the fact that I've never kissed a girl on the lips.

So you see, being single can and does make one undesirable.



I'm 20, so I have about six years until visible aging starts for both of us, and 15 years until fertility becomes an issue for the woman.