How can I get a friend to date me?

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Hi guys (and possibily girls if they haven't been put off by the title) I know that this may seem like a really evil thing to say (or rather ask) but some of you may remember that a few weeks ago I put together a post asking if it was ok how to guilt trip a girl into liking me.

This was not really needed as in the end she asked me out on a date.

However this does not mean that I'm her boyfriend-yet! She and I are yet to start dating however (and as some of you may remember that she also happens to have AS and so does sometimes need reminding from time to time things that she must do for others, added to the fact that she's somwhat busy at the moment.)

So I'm going to ask a favor of all of you. As it happens I gave her a note asking if she'd like to be my girlfriend (we've known each other for about three monhs now) and some genarel info about myself, (just in case she felt that she needed it)

At the moment (from when I last met her) she's thinking about it, she may say yes, or she may say no.

However as I'm sick and tired of girls picking me over other guys (oddly it's rarely due to my AS) I'm not going to stand for it any more!! !!

If she says yes she'll be made very happy indeed, but as I've been keeping an open mind about her saying "no" then she'll have only herself to blame or her (possible) suffering!

May I add that no one but her will suffer as I don't want anyone who's an inosent bystander (e.g. her friends and family) to get hurt. As much as it would pain me to do this, in such a case she'd have to learn the conqueances of her actions.

But what shall they be????

I have a few ideas (feel free to give me your own if you like)

1, I may tell her that I'd get depressed and possibly (if I feel the need to add this) also tell her that I'll kill myself as she did not love me.

2. We are at the end of the day good mates! It is clear that she values our friendship very much. So if I may tell her that I'll only be her mate if she was in love with me (or at least acted like she was as a favour)

3. Treaten to tell stories and scerets about her that would ruin her life!! ! (she's got a fairly good one all things considered)

I'm leaving out (as they are wrong) all of the stuff about beating her her up, as that would not work, and I'd most likely not have the heart to do that knid of thing to her anyway (save self defence as you never know what someones really like until you live with them)

Hopefully I won't have to do this, but I hope that you understand that sometimes (but not very often) when I want to have something badly enough I'll be perfectly willing to do (almost) anything to get it!

The way I see things is that if you want something then it does not really matter how you get it, just so long as you have it it's fine, if it's something that you can't have then that's sadly the way this world works as , after all we can't have everyone stealing, and mudering just to get a few petty items like they were spoild kids. (Although it does happen sometimes)

However if it's something that you really need badly (and I mean really badly) and there's no other way you can get it other than stomping on others and making a fuss, then do it!! It's better (as is well known) to get things by playing fair but sadly if she does not love me willingly then I'll have to take her by force!

It's a terrorble thing to say about someone but I hope at least some of you wil understand why I can't just wait until I die and go to Heaven to get everything I desire (or otherwise how can I or anyone else be happy? Forever is a long time after all!! !!)

The sad fact is that unless this girl (sorry if I made her seem like a peace of meat but as you all well know I can't name her on this site) is in love with me after all or I were to die sometime soon (most likely by my own hand, of course I'll have to ask for forgiveness as I'm dieing) and meet my bride in pardice then there's going to be a very unhappy Aspie girl morining the death of her friend, or that selfsame girl dating me, cos she's to upset (or scared) to say no.

Goodbye Till Next Time.

Ok, I'm going to ignore the little troll-warning belll.....

I've had an ex threaten that and heard others talk about their exes trying the same trick. Sorry, but it doesn't work. It's pathetic and most people don't fall for it. It just shows people that they dodged a bullet by breaking up with you in the first place.



That is emotional blackmail. Also a pure lie; she may be a friend, but you are most certainly not.


This is just normal blackmail. If she's any sense, she'll report you to the school or college for harrassment and bullying if you try this.



Ok, well done for realising that beating her up won't make her go out with you . Now you just need to realise that none of your other manipulative ideas will work either. She's a free human being. If she doesn't want to date you (and I wouldn't blame her at all judging from what you've written) then you will just have to either settle for being friends, or distance yourself.

You simply cannot blackmail someone into dating you. Even if your friend is fooled for a while, sooner or later she will get sick of this treatment and ditch you. It's not the lack of names that shows you are treating her like meat; it's your whole attitude of trying to force someone to go out with you.

You are far likely to win someone's heart by respecting them and being seen to respect others. If other girls see the tactics you plan to use, you can be sure they will give you a very wide berth from now on.

boosterjones, I'm sorry, but your entire post is quite horrible. You cannot, nor should you, blackmail or try to force someone into loving/dating you. Firstly, it will not work, at all, and secondly, even if it did work that is an absolutely terrible foundation for a relationship.

If you attempt to implement any of your "blackmail" ideas all you will get is one less friend and no girlfriend. I have to question the legitimacy of your post, because I really don't see how you could think any of your "ideas" are good or would work.

I'd suggest you get the entire idea of "punishing" her for turning you down out of your head, as that entire line of thinking is just going to cause problems for you. I'm not trying to flame you, so I hope this is not coming off that way.

If you really want her to be your girlfriend, the best thing to do is just be nice to her. Try to do things for her that she'll find romantic, and will get her thinking about you in that way. Her asking you out on a date is good and means she's at least somewhat interested.

Judging by your post I would have to say you are not at all emotionally ready for a relationship. Your entire perspective on them seems to be skewed in an unhealthy way, which could be a big reason girls keep picking other guys over you.

If this guy is trolling, ban his arse.

If he is serious, someone, call the f*cking cops. I'm not joking. You all saw what happened with that Will guy from here. No-one should ever, ever be punished for not wanting to date someone.

I'd watch out for this guy in future tbh, sounds dangerous. I'm actually terrified for the safety of this girl she doens't know what shes getting into.

Best way to get her to date you would be to stop acting like an as*hole.

Dude not cool. You don't force someone to date you, that's probably the reason women have chosen the other guy over you. You don't do this to people, especially a fellow Aspie, you will destroy the way she looks at relationships and she may not try to find someone for quite some time.

boosterjones, a lot of what you have written is disturbing. While you have this mindset, you are not ready for a relationship. If you truly loved her, you wouldn't even think of doing stuff like this, because her safety, well-being and happiness would be your number one priority. If you value her as friend you should treat her with respect too: one of mine turned a guy down and he bullied her for it. That was at least ten years ago and she still won't have anything to do with him ever again.

As long as you have this mindset of forcing her to love you (or get what you want by force) then I fear for her safety. What would you do if you became a couple and after a while she dumped you? Would you a) accept it or go to counselling, or b) beat her to a pulp? I'm inclined to believe the latter. I also can't help wondering how you will treat her during the relationship when various compromises need to be made or when things don't go as planned. It's men with attitudes like yours who give the rest of us a bad name. You really have to change your ways if you wish to have a serious relationship.

Last edited by CrinklyCrustacean on 04 Jul 2010, 3:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

You can't blackmail people into loving you, but you CAN blackmail people into having sex with you!

...I don't know what to say.

I'm not sure if you were posting this as a joke, to mess with people, or are serious. But judging by your past posts... seems to be serious.

WTF?!

She is not your property, and she has the right to do whatever she wants. Trying, even thinking about trying, to force her to become yours is just plain wrong. If this is because you want to get laid, go find a party or something.

I think you should ask yourself WHY you want her as your girlfriend, because right now, the answers don't look so good. The reason should be because you genuinely care about them-- which means you'd never wish to hurt them. Every one of your options is hurting her.

Just let things happen... and erase these frighteningly idiotic thoughts out of your head. You should never try to control someone like that.

Not going to comment on the OP as my thoughts have already been covered by everyone else, but mcg, you do realize that depending on where you live this could be classified as rape, right?

Stupid, stupid thing to say.

OP, I got two words for you: escort service! If you're out to get laid, use an escort service, pay whatever she charges, get your rocks off, and go on with your life; repeat as needed. If you're out to somehow force this girl to be your girlfriend through shady tactics, then you're a sick individual and I got nothing more to say to you! Seriously, she's your friend. Do you really think it's right to do that to your friend? It sounds like she still has some semblance of respect for you, but at the rate you're going, that'll be gone soon. If your response is "but I like her", then it's your own fault for not being honest about your romantic interest when you first met her. You can't backdoor your way into a relationship by being a friend; it's called "friend zone", and many of us learned the hard way that it's almost impossible to get out of it. "Friends first" doesn't work, plain and simple.

Honestly, I'm more worried for the girl than I am for you. You're a tough guy (or at least acting like it). If she rejects you, you might be hurt at first, but in time, you'll move on with your life and be back and better than ever. But while you're in your hurt phase, I'm honestly worried that you will do something crazy that will seriously hurt the girl and get you into craploads of legal trouble.

95% of relationships that last forever are built on the foundations of blackmail.

Ok, you don't sound like an atheist so do me a favor. Go to church and ask a priest about these.

See what he says about the morality of these suggestions. Specifically ask him what God would think of you trying to get revenge on her for not wanting to date you again.

Then ask him what you should do.

Score that as a point for the nice guys who complain that women's judgment in men sucks. Booster, she's already dating you, if it doesn't work it doesn't work. Let her go and find another if she wants out.

Well said, GoatOnFire.

Right, I erm- have got a few things to say about my last post. I'm not going to even attempt to make excuses about this as over the weekend I gave this a lot of thought.

And you'll all be glad to discover that I did not do (or intend to) any of of those evil things that I put up.

Why you may ask did I write that sick post????

That fact is that I was (due to some other matters at home which were unrealted to this) feeling low at the time I wrote it and I needed to tell someone anyone about how I felt, as my mind wondered to the possiblty of this kind of thing (i.e. getting dumped or rejected) happening and how I MAY react (but not nessaerly how I WOULD react.)

I'm sorry if I made you feel conserened about her, as I really sould have made it clear that I was feeling upset.

Morals aside it can also be said (as some of the posts have already stated) that blackmail does sometimes get things done (although as it would be ill gotten that makes it wrong) and it is posible if I told her that I'd be (possibily) depressed (as it has happened to me in the past) if she went and rejected me she may feel sorry for me date me (out of pity) and thus fall in love with me due to the fact the got to know me.

The rest was of chouse wrong to the utter extreme and I'm deeply asamed that I even as much as came up with those things in the first place.

Goodbye, till next time.

I'm glad to see those horrible plans were more of a vent than actual plans. But this last plan- while not in the same class as the others- is still a supremely bad idea.

Emotional blackmail doesn't work.

People don't fall in love with those who emotionally blackmail them. If you want to make her lukewarm feelings for you stronger with this plan, you will succeed. She will move from vaguely warm feelings of friendliness to strong repulsion and contempt. I am serious. She will not love you if you do this. The best you can hope for is that she maintains pity and finds you merely pathetic rather than outright loathsome.

Have I convinced you yet? Don't do it.

Blackmail does sometimes get things (illegally) done. People will turn over secrets, money, and other tangibles or swear to silence about something in order to appease the blackmailer. What they won't do is actually love or even like the blackmailer. But then that isn't generally the intention of blackmailers. They aren't trying to get love or any other emotion beyond fear (of consequences). You can't make somebody love you. But you can make them hate, loathe, despise or fear you. Are any of the latter emotions what you are going for? No? Then lay to rest the plan of emotional blackmail as firmly as you did the other plans.