How low can you go?

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No, I wasn't meaning that as a sexual entendre, but rather with regards to standards. It seems like so many times I say I can't get a woman to like me, someone will inevitably tell me to lower my standards. The problem is, that bar is already set really low. I really only have 3 standards at this point: 1) She has to like me, 2) She should be 18-30 years old, and 3) I'd like it if she weighed less than me (not that stringent since I weigh nearly 300 lbs myself).

I've found that most anything else I can become attracted to over time. Of course, I could cast off the weight thing, and I am getting close to actually doing that, and maybe possibly raising the upper age limit (although I'm not lowering the 18 into legally dubious areas). But the first one is kind of non-negotiable. Is there anything else I could do?

Don't listen to those who tell you your standards are too high. I'm even starting to hate the word standards.

Like who you like and if they don't like you then you probably won't like them.

It's funny that every one talking about standards here are mostly referring to physical attributes.

Are you telling me that if a 19-year old, 250lb, crack addict with 4 kids, and she likes you would meet your 'standards'? I kind of doubt it. (Unless you are in to crack, then this might be a bad example.)

I have given up the concept of standards. They are limiting and not comprehensive (I think that's the word I'm looking for).

Don't let anyone tell who you should like and who you shouldn't. And if you are unhappy (as I am) because you can't make that connection (I sure haven't) then maybe it's your idea of standards that need to be changed (or perhaps you should just be patient, people are living longer and longer these days).

Of course I also believe it's better to be alone and frustrated than together and regretting every breath. Too many people are together for the wrong reasons.

I broke a standard of mine by going out with a super bright sixteen year old (and the only reason I was comfortable is because I know her family sort of well and that she's a little more mature than some girls her age as she can see through some crap that many girls her age can't).

But being 19, I make it a rule I only go out with people close to my age, and for me, 16 is really pushing it.

Never change your standards to something you can't be happy with. However, it's worth thinking about if you could possibly like being with someone over 30 or as heavy as you. In exchange, you should be thinking about what doesn't make you happy too. For example common dealbreakers like if a woman does drugs or is overly controling.

Once you have determined what you really want, stick with it. An unhappy relationship is definately NOT better than being alone.

Keep your standards but lose some of the pounds.

Vanilla_Slice

Well there is the fact that I would have a better chance with such a woman than with anyone else, because all those other women DONT f*****g LIKE ME... Do you understand my predicament now? Absolutely no one likes me, at least in that manner...

I'm gonna have to take the dissenting opinion on that. I was with a girl 4 years younger than me once. It didn't really work out, but at the very least we had each other. That was more than anything I ever had. No, it wasn't a perfect relationship. Yes, we did have our share of fighting and drama. At one point I just wanted it to end, one way or the other, to lower the overall stress. But on the other hand, that month we spent together was overall the happiest month in my life, and I would give almost anything to feel that kind of happiness again...

ToadOfSteel, I know exactly where you are coming from. My current SO is almost 17, and I can seriously see the displeasure on her parents faces. However, she's thrilled and has said that I'm the best thing that has come from this school year for her. I think, unlike you, on our end it will most likely work out, on that that we're first, closer in age, second, I've know her since we were both younger, and last, she's willing to put in effort to make the relationship work.

Toad, you're getting pretty frustrated, aren't you? From what I remember, you don't clearly express your interest very often, but I don't remember anything about how exactly you express your interest when you do. Do you think you could seem uncomfortably strident or stressful?

No, I totally get where you are coming from. The last woman who expressed an interest in me was 20 years older, 150 pounds heavier and married to my best friend. Even though she was also a friend, I wasn't the least bit attracted to her. Where my standards too high? Hell no. Should I have lowered them just for the sake of having an 'experience' that would have caused a lot of problems? Hell no.

I'm on a lot of internet dating sites and I don't even get visitors to my profile. The only women I know are my mother and sister, and my sister and I don't talk. She's never liked me either.

So I totally know where you are coming from.

But being alone isn't the end either.

As for that month of happiness, I know how that feels too. I understand the desire to feel that again. I feel that desire all the time. But I'm not willing to just be with any one, because if I 'lower my standards' to be with them, then it's not very likely that I could be happy.

I'm confused here. There's only 3 years difference. There are adult couples who are easily at a 10 year difference and it isn't a problem.

Anyway, I personally don't have any superficial standards, I've always said that as long as me and the girl share a mutual love that's all I need.

When you two are casual friends for seven years and then in a matter of a week after not seeing the girl for a nearly three year period you suddenly fall for each other, yeah, it's a little strange. There's a couple of stories on her end and on my end behind it as well that makes things complicated though.

It's not the friendliest advice you could give, but I have to admit that it's got merit. I'm only about 200, six foot, but I know if I worked out, and put on a little muscle, it would probably go a long ways in dating. Guys aren't the only one with a tendency to be shallow.

A guy who puts on a decent amount of muscle, stays fit, and eats healthy will be able to go a lot further with the same general personality/intellect/wealth of someone in much poorer shape.

Funny part is, those big muscular guys usually don't stay that way. Most of them stop working out once they feel comfortable in their marriage, and next thing you know these women are married to forty year old slobs.

I don't think you should lower your standards. Having the person like you is a minimum. I know people who date people they don't like and it's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard of The only thing I know is to see if you can figure out why you aren't succeeding in getting someone to go out with you. If it was socially acceptable to ask someone "so, why don't you want to go out with me?" (or maybe that is socially ok, lol) it would be easier. Could your friends be honest with you and help you out here? If it's looks, start working out or something to that effect. Is it possibly that you aren't in enough situations where you meet women?

How low can I go? Not too low I'm afraid As far as looks go, they aren't important. But I need to feel that there is a chance I could feel attraction somewhere along the way. In regards to everything else, I can have high standards. I've even had one person tell me I need me to lower them, but they aren't the person to be giving advice in that department.

I do not like the idea of having standards at all. I think individuals should be looked at on a case by case basis instead of looking to see if they meet all the requirements on an arbitrary checklist. Maybe it's cuz I am unable to meet any woman's standards. I wish women would look at me as a whole person instead of only looking at certain characteristics. What I don't understand is why guys tell me to lower my standards when I do not even have standards I think lowering standards is just something people say when they don't have any real advice to offer

I'm with ya there.

Your weight is a big factor holding you back if you want to get laid without paying for it.
From my own weight loss journey I learned a lot.

STOP drinking soda. It is liquid death.

THROW OUT anything with high fructose corn syrup in it in your kitchen.

Keep your calorie count per day at 1500 or less.

Make a habit of not cleaning your plate. Portion control is everything.

Getting laid without the girl getting paid is can be frustrating to say the least. I'd rather spend some cash on a guranteed hot girl than waste my time with an ugly one who
may or may not give it up. Yes, it is crude but it makes sense.

But if you insist on the sappy sentimental way then at least Id like to help you out Toad.