Fustrated!

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This girl is nice looking and when i'm with her i have a great time , but everytime i come home i think... what have i done , why am i getting involved even now that we are getting so close to the making love point i want to run away.

1) She is an ex-alcoholic only 3 weeks
2) She lost her son due to her drinking , she's only allowed to see him once a week so far
3) Self Harmer
4) Lost her job
5) Raped when she was much younger
6) She never sleeps right , she can be uptill 4am on facebook and sleeps during the afternoon.
7) Can never make her own mind up , she tells me i can't make decisions
8 ) Tells the world when she's ill , texts me day after day about being ill
9) Lives about 30mins away

Thing is i was going to break up with her before but then i think lets talk , we talk and get involved again even closer than before. Why is it my mind thinks differently at night than when it does during the day?

HELP!! , i'm supposed to see her this weekend but what if we sleep with each other then i'm at second base

Sounds like a doozy. You may have to figure this one out yourself. Or maybe I'm just getting so tired I can't think straight, and a WP-member who isn't stupid will come to your rescue.

Meanwhile, that's not second base I think.

[EDIT] Chronos to the rescue! Sorry dude. I'm pooped. I think I'll be headed to bed now. G'night.

You are doing her a major disservice by not keeping your distance. When I was in rehab they cautioned about starting any new relationships for the first year of sobriety.This is because you must avoid potential stress related triggers. The people I have known who have ignored this have relapsed and one of them is dead. 3 weeks is a minimal amount of recovery although every day should be treated as a success. She is clearly a troubled woman and needs time to get her life straight. It may be too late if she is hooked on you. She is sick and being sober for 10 years and looking back to my active addiction to alcohol I can tell you she is delusional about her ability to handle parenthood and drinking at the same time.

Thankyou Aimless for your wise post and to others that have replied....... Atleast at the moment it's early days and i haven't slept with her and as you said she's still recovering.

She sounds like she is hooked on me , though the feeling isn't going the other way because of all the issues....... this is all new to me , how would you go about relaxing the situation so to speak

Well i did it , texted her and said amongst other things...

You are still in the very early recovering stages and what i'm doing is a diservice to you and could cause more damage than good. I'm going to step back and be your friend and then take it from there , that way i'm not pressured and giving u time to recover.

I also said she has alot of issues that i'm scared of getting deeply involved in , that i really like her when im with her but when i get home my mind races. But i did say i'd be her friend and help her , but step back from the relationship side of things.






p.s One thing i wasn't happy with was ( i didn't text her this ) , she was out with her friend day before yesterday and had a drink ! are they not supposed to drink at all? she is on medication

OP, in light of your very last sentence - the one where you reveal she's relapsed, my best advice to you is to end your relationship with this girl - completely. I respect @Aimless' advice and experience, and until you said this girl has been drinking again, I would have been a bit dubious about you remaining platonic friends with her, but I wouldn't have bothered to post about it.

Look, she's not a recovering alcoholic - she's an active alcoholic. Everything she's lost to date (her son, her job, etc.) hasn't been enough to get her to commit 100% of her resources to her sobriety. She hasn't hit bottom yet - are you really up for the trip on the downward spiral - from where she is now? Additionally, you said you're inexperienced, and I'm assuming that means at relationships. If that's the case, you do not want your first relationship experience to be with an alcoholic who's finding her way to rock bottom. (Don't misunderstand me - I have all the respect in the world for addicts, alcoholics, etc. who get straight - it's very difficult work. But this girl isn't on that path yet - and you need to realize that.)

My concern is that you absolutely will get pulled into a sexual relationship with this girl, and then you're going to have to deal with the guilt (self-inflicted, as well as the cards she'll play) when you try to leave. Just don't go there. She needs to focus on getting sober - for the sake of her child. As long as she has you to seduce, she's not going to be doing that. Run.

I have been in relationships before , some worse than others but never to this stressful extent... I'm glad i posted here and got the feedback i needed , i think it's best i slowly but surelly cold turkey because everytime i see her. My emotions will probably get in the way and it's best not to let that happen!.

Thankyou , once again... thankyou

I think I can kinda relate to your situation OP(long complicated) but anyways it sounds like you care about her as a friend but are not sure if you'd want a romantic relationship with her rite She sounds like she could be very desperate for a relationship rite now & she mite could be using you. If you try stepping back; she mite would run to another guy witch could hurt her but if you stay with her & keep trying to help her; she mite fall apart the moment you are not around. Either way there's a chance she could release & start drinking again & the closer you are to her if/when it happens; the more it will hurt you. I'm not saying you should end it with her but it takes a very strong person to be able to handle something like that & you have to be careful & worry about yourself to & not just her

Pretty much spot on nick

I've decided to pull away , it was nice beside her in the sun... holding her hand... and feeling loved for that time , but when i left her the reality keeps hitting me like a ton of bricks. Could you really see a future with her , what about marrage or if she was to have your kids the answer kept on coming back NO. If she lost her son to drinking , the closest person to her heart i'd surelly be the next one on the list. The social services won't give him back for some time because she got that bad.

I also could not trust her not to drink and as she proved to me , she'd already slipped up

Oh well i'll find someone to love me for me and i can give in return some day i'm sure

It's good you realized all this early on before getting in super deep. I completely agree with the trust thing. Even if you would of stayed a bit longer & she didn't slip up you would of kept questioning things

I agree with HopeGrows. I tried for many years to get sober on my own and it was only when I read the proverbial handwriting on the wall that I would eventually lose the right to raise my son that I went into rehab. I had also just lost my job due to drinking. That was my bottom. Your friend has lost both her job and her son and she's still rationalizing, she hasn't hit bottom yet. She can do it though. I knew a guy who was so far gone he'd piss on his own floor and wake up behind dumpsters. He sobered up and is teaching at a community college now.

You'd think the loss of a son or daughter would be the bottom but...

I remember hearing the kid crying in the background and the mum saying he'd just fallen over , he'll be ok (while she stayed on facebook). This was the night before she went over the edge !

The son was really cool , so happy.... He loved his mum , but her drink came before the son. I'm very close to my family , brothers/sisters even when one of them cries it makes me feel bad let alone a baby. Her dad was also an alcoholic so it's in the family aswell.

The more i think about it , the more i think to myself , What was i thinking!