talking to women you dont know

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right-hand-child
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03 Jul 2010, 6:19 am

yeah as i've read up on here it seems like some people here imply that it's perfectly normal to go up to a girl with the intention of asking her out, or at least just getting to know her in that way.

of course im not saying it isnt, im sure lot of people do, its just that this is a foriegn concept to me, before i just thought it wasnt acceptable to just go up to a random girl you like in public and start casualy talking (although i knew it would be ok if you did this to someone you were aquainted with at school/work).

having said that, its not like i think i have any problem talking to girls. i think im overall pretty confident with myself dating wise, and im fine with being social (although not as a butterfly is :lol: ) , but i just never knew that this was acceptable, although it might not as i heard it varies based on country, area and culture (i live in south london by the way)

anyways, the problem here is that if a girl i think i'd want to talk to is in a place where it would be ok to talk to her, lets say for instance a shoping centre, and she isnt pre-occupied with her freinds or particularly busy or upset looking or any other scenario where it wouldnt be acceptable to talk to her, what exactly would you say?

I would probably be fine approaching her (whilst doing all the things expected of you in that scenario like hygene and positive manner ) but the problem is i think i'd just end up going up to her without anything to say at all...for example:

*goes up to girl* me: hi!.......(oh damn)
girl: ...?

i know it's important not to overthink this kind of thing but i still need some idea of what kind of thing i should say, and not some stupid cleche thing like: "my what wonderfull eyes you have! *slapped*"

any ideas would be appreciated. thanks


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hale_bopp
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03 Jul 2010, 6:29 am

Hmm yeah its not that common to approach girls in shopping centres.

As an adult its usually in bars you get approached, I cann't remember that much back in school days. They come up in bars and say things like "Hi, hows your night going?" etc I havent been hit on for ages - I never go out an more sorry I couldn't be more help :(



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03 Jul 2010, 6:30 am

It's weird. From what I understand it's perfectly normal but I never notice it happening in the real world. In TV commercials it happens all the time :lol:

Most girls wouldn't slap you for an innocent compliment though, I think that's an anime, possibly Japanese cultural thing.


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Rakshasa72
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03 Jul 2010, 6:36 am

I don't recomend it.



right-hand-child
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03 Jul 2010, 6:59 am

i should mention i dont have any huge urge to do this. just wanted to know if it really was acceptable and what to do if the former holds true.

...i was probably wrong, i dont think i'll try this but i'll keep the thread open to see your thoughts


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Last edited by right-hand-child on 03 Jul 2010, 7:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

right-hand-child
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03 Jul 2010, 7:01 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Hmm yeah its not that common to approach girls in shopping centres.

As an adult its usually in bars you get approached, I cann't remember that much back in school days. They come up in bars and say things like "Hi, hows your night going?" etc I havent been hit on for ages - I never go out an more sorry I couldn't be more help :(

the shopping centre thing was just an example of a random public place, should have gave something more specific...


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right-hand-child
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03 Jul 2010, 7:04 am

Pistonhead wrote:
It's weird. From what I understand it's perfectly normal but I never notice it happening in the real world. In TV commercials it happens all the time :lol:

Most girls wouldn't slap you for an innocent compliment though, I think that's an anime, possibly Japanese cultural thing.
well i geuss if it really does happen then you would probably just think the two people know each other anyways. and the slap thing was just a little joke, i know most girls wouldnt be that annoyed if i said something stupid like that, although that would wierd a lot of people out


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nick007
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03 Jul 2010, 6:15 pm

I know some guys who approach random women; they go up to her & something like "Yo Momma how bout you go to a club with me tonight" 8O I know this sounds like a joke here but I have seen it work some. They can get rejected a lot but their secret is they keep approaching women till one goes for it


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NeantHumain
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03 Jul 2010, 10:09 pm

nick007 wrote:
I know some guys who approach random women; they go up to her & something like "Yo Momma how bout you go to a club with me tonight" 8O I know this sounds like a joke here but I have seen it work some. They can get rejected a lot but their secret is they keep approaching women till one goes for it

The numbers approach hasn't worked for me.



Zorku
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04 Jul 2010, 12:49 am

I've approached a few girls thanks to this advice of randomly meeting people. It's terribly awkward not knowing anything about what a person would talk about and not surprizingly people don't have that warm response to it.

Makes sense of course- what would people that aren't awkward know about stopping being awkward in uncomfortable situations?



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04 Jul 2010, 1:01 am

right-hand-child wrote:
yeah as i've read up on here it seems like some people here imply that it's perfectly normal to go up to a girl with the intention of asking her out, or at least just getting to know her in that way.

of course im not saying it isnt, im sure lot of people do, its just that this is a foriegn concept to me, before i just thought it wasnt acceptable to just go up to a random girl you like in public and start casualy talking (although i knew it would be ok if you did this to someone you were aquainted with at school/work).

having said that, its not like i think i have any problem talking to girls. i think im overall pretty confident with myself dating wise, and im fine with being social (although not as a butterfly is :lol: ) , but i just never knew that this was acceptable, although it might not as i heard it varies based on country, area and culture (i live in south london by the way)

anyways, the problem here is that if a girl i think i'd want to talk to is in a place where it would be ok to talk to her, lets say for instance a shoping centre, and she isnt pre-occupied with her freinds or particularly busy or upset looking or any other scenario where it wouldnt be acceptable to talk to her, what exactly would you say?

I would probably be fine approaching her (whilst doing all the things expected of you in that scenario like hygene and positive manner ) but the problem is i think i'd just end up going up to her without anything to say at all...for example:

*goes up to girl* me: hi!.......(oh damn)
girl: ...?

i know it's important not to overthink this kind of thing but i still need some idea of what kind of thing i should say, and not some stupid cleche thing like: "my what wonderfull eyes you have! *slapped*"

any ideas would be appreciated. thanks



Like if she is shopping in the grocery store go up to her and be like, " So, what kind of food do you like", or walk up next to her, drop a can of food and bend over right in front of her to pick it up. If she thinks you have a nice bum she will start talking to you.
If a girl thinks you're hot, you can say just about anything and get away with it. If she thinks you're unattractive, then there is nothing that you could possibly say to get her to like you.



hans66
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04 Jul 2010, 3:34 am

I always have been scared to death to talk to women I don't know at all. It is a bit different situation when I start talking to a woman that is a new colleague, or that is applying for a job, and is likely to be accepted. There was a reciprocal greeting and when the application interview was over she was in her car, about to drive away. But she saw me waving, and I saw her waving back.

Most women may like to be talked to, by me, but I feel I must have a good reason to talk to her, and I think, that she is beautiful, pretty or cute is not a good reason. For example in a train, asking whether a specific seat is available, or whether I may read her newspaper that she apparently is not reading anymore (although asking for a newspaper might give the wrong signal that you actually are not into chatting with a girl, but want to read instead). Sometimes there is an occasion to make jokes, based on what I see.



SaNcheNuSS
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04 Jul 2010, 4:44 am

hans66 wrote:
I always have been scared to death to talk to women I don't know at all. It is a bit different situation when I start talking to a woman that is a new colleague, or that is applying for a job, and is likely to be accepted. There was a reciprocal greeting and when the application interview was over she was in her car, about to drive away. But she saw me waving, and I saw her waving back.

Most women may like to be talked to, by me, but I feel I must have a good reason to talk to her, and I think, that she is beautiful, pretty or cute is not a good reason. For example in a train, asking whether a specific seat is available, or whether I may read her newspaper that she apparently is not reading anymore (although asking for a newspaper might give the wrong signal that you actually are not into chatting with a girl, but want to read instead). Sometimes there is an occasion to make jokes, based on what I see.


haha. exactly! It is like we are (god forbid i sound arrogant) evolved beings living on a planet full of monkies. Do you get that feeling?



right-hand-child
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04 Jul 2010, 6:48 am

SaNcheNuSS wrote:
right-hand-child wrote:
yeah as i've read up on here it seems like some people here imply that it's perfectly normal to go up to a girl with the intention of asking her out, or at least just getting to know her in that way.

of course im not saying it isnt, im sure lot of people do, its just that this is a foriegn concept to me, before i just thought it wasnt acceptable to just go up to a random girl you like in public and start casualy talking (although i knew it would be ok if you did this to someone you were aquainted with at school/work).

having said that, its not like i think i have any problem talking to girls. i think im overall pretty confident with myself dating wise, and im fine with being social (although not as a butterfly is :lol: ) , but i just never knew that this was acceptable, although it might not as i heard it varies based on country, area and culture (i live in south london by the way)

anyways, the problem here is that if a girl i think i'd want to talk to is in a place where it would be ok to talk to her, lets say for instance a shoping centre, and she isnt pre-occupied with her freinds or particularly busy or upset looking or any other scenario where it wouldnt be acceptable to talk to her, what exactly would you say?

I would probably be fine approaching her (whilst doing all the things expected of you in that scenario like hygene and positive manner ) but the problem is i think i'd just end up going up to her without anything to say at all...for example:

*goes up to girl* me: hi!.......(oh damn)
girl: ...?

i know it's important not to overthink this kind of thing but i still need some idea of what kind of thing i should say, and not some stupid cleche thing like: "my what wonderfull eyes you have! *slapped*"

any ideas would be appreciated. thanks



Like if she is shopping in the grocery store go up to her and be like, " So, what kind of food do you like", or walk up next to her, drop a can of food and bend over right in front of her to pick it up. If she thinks you have a nice bum she will start talking to you.
If a girl thinks you're hot, you can say just about anything and get away with it. If she thinks you're unattractive, then there is nothing that you could possibly say to get her to like you.

i've already stated that im probably not gonna do this and just look for girls closer like at my six form but that wasnt nescessarily helpfull (although with my demi-godlike looks im sure i could talk my way through things :wink: )

but seriously that wasnt funny


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alex
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04 Jul 2010, 7:02 am

Rakshasa72 wrote:
I don't recomend it.


why not? i've met really cool people by doing this


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blueroses
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04 Jul 2010, 9:38 am

Zorku wrote:
I've approached a few girls thanks to this advice of randomly meeting people. It's terribly awkward not knowing anything about what a person would talk about and not surprizingly people don't have that warm response to it.

Makes sense of course- what would people that aren't awkward know about stopping being awkward in uncomfortable situations?


I think it depends a lot on the person and the situation. I don't tend to have the nerve to approach random guys, but I've been approached before. Nothing good has ever come out of it because I tend to get flustered or shut down. (Small talk is tough for me, let alone with a stranger). It's not that I'm trying to be cold; it's just that I feel like 'a deer in headlights' or something.

Or, worse yet, I've been so oblivious that I didn't even realize the person was trying to hit on me until someone else pointed it out to me later, after the guy had left. Up until I was about 25 (after I'd been dx'd and started making more of a concentrated effort to learn about social interaction), I honestly thought all men were either aggressive jerks or didn't think I was attractive at all. Why? The only cues I was capable of picking up on were the blatantly obvious ones, like if a guy honked a car horn at me while I was out jogging. When someone tried to be polite and subtle, or 'play it cool,' it went right over my head.

So ... if you approach a random woman and it doesn't work out, it might just be that she's unsure of herself, awkward, shy, etc. Don't take it as a reflection on you personally. Just congratulate yourself for being bold enough to do it in the first place!