1 in 947,000 Chance - Super Long Read

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I don't know why I picked a random number but anyway I have a story and a question to tell...

First of all, I've never had a girl [space] friend...a girl as a friend, I guess you can say I can get along with girls and sometimes talk if it's about school, etc...but no girl where I would get their number.

I wasn't very popular in HS and got picked on by some douches...I got along with most of my class but I never became friends with a girl...I felt like my self-esteem and confidence was too low and that no one would ever like me.

So I stayed quiet, shy, and never garnered enough courage to go up to a girl and ask them to the senior ball...I was afraid of rejection and to this day I still struggle as I still don't hang out or talk to girls outside of a common area (school, etc...)

I have had my orientation questioned by my family in the past, and family being dissapointed and wondering "What's wrong, why is he so miserable, why can't he find a job."

I feel like a dissapointment and I am very lonely...sure I have some buddies I hang with but not a laundry list...I have around 10 good friends and about 3 really close friends...I'm satisfied with that but they have their life too. I want to be in a relationship with a girl and this is the story of one who I have an unrealistic chance with...even though we are only seperated by a street.

The Story

Their was only one girl that I ever felt a connection with and their was on girl that I actually talked with a good bit...

Her name was Kaitlyn, I've played with her as a child as all the neighborhood kids did but not as much as I did with others. Anyway she is a beautiful girl who is even nicer on the inside, she is a year younger than me, so she is a senior in high school and is finishing right now.

After we grew up and got to middle school, none of us ever played anymore because well we were growing up. I didn't even see her for many years but it was in my junior year where it all began again.

It started when on the first day of school, the bus was packed and since I was basically the last kid picked up, since I lived so close, there were no seats at all. Here I see this beautiful girl sitting down in the only open seat and I ask if it's alright to sit and even though she can't really say no, she kindly makes room for me. I don't really talk to her, maybe a comment or two about the bus being packed and how it was the first day, but that was it.

Sitting with her on the bus became a constant though on the bus ride home. Most days I would try to sit with or across from her since the ride home wasn't packed and really sparse. If I saw her with someone else I would just sit away and sometimes if I was on the bus before her she either wouldn't see me or something else and we wouldn't sit with each other. She had to have been interested in me at least because she could of easily picked another of the 20 open seats but instead she would say hi and sit near me. I would say I sat with her an average of 2-3 times a week. In those times we would talk about classes, music, and other random stuff...I was always nervous talking to her and had to think what to say and if I didn't know (going back to her not seeing me) I would kind of duck down in my seat because I wasn't ready on that day.

Well after school was over I didn't see her the whole summer, except for one day when I was walking by her house...I was sorta depressed over an argument and decided to take a walk around the road. I saw her and we talked for a good 10 mins but once again her boyfriend was there...I never met him before so I shook his hand and talked to both of them but I obviously couldn't say what I wanted.

So that element comes in...the boyfriend. I knew that she had the same boyfriend for a year before that because she mentioned him once in a while in our convos...he seemed like a nice kid and he was pretty cool with me so I would never want to disrespect the relationship.

Then school came and since I got my license I would never see her on the bus. For the couple months of school, I kind of forget about her because I didn't see her since like June. Then I was walking out of my second period class that is at the far end of the school and I heard a "Hi!"...I never really payed attention but her room was right next to mine and I began to talk to her as we walked to our 3rd period classes. It was a bit of a walk so we would get in a good 2-3 minutes of chatter until she veered off and most of the time met with her boyfriend outside of her 3rd period class.

I still probably would have been chicken anyways...Well back to the chatting while we walked...it didn't happen everyday...somedays I would have to go to the bathroom or we would just walk out at a different time. Sometimes we would be just ahead of one another but if she was talking to someone, I didn't want to be creepy about it and catch up just to say hi. When we did chat though, it was kind of special for me...she was the only girl that told me about her life outside of school, like how she was sick over the weekend or even asking me for advice on if she should take the second part of the class I was taken (I was taking Cisco Networking II, my senior year, she was talking Part I). On top of that being in common, she also liked the same type of music that I did, was very friendly, and did I mention beautiful.

Well I never asked her for her number, or if she wanted to be my ball date. And I never saw her again, except for one time last summer at a huge fair. She was with her boyfriend and actually saw me from a little away and said "Hi"...I was trying to signal for a conversation but there were too many people and she wasn't looking and just continued walking...

That was the last time I saw her...even though she lives right down the road from me. I often drive by her house just wondering, and I don't want it to be taken like I'm a stalker or obsessed...it's just another path home that I sometimes take. I remember the convos as I drive by or walk/ride bike by on occassion (since their is an Ice Cream place near her house...it's hard to explain but think of the streets as a long rectangle. I live at one end and she lives on a side, so perpendicular I guess...then the other end is seperated by a road and a fire station that continues down past her road and then I can turn to my house)

Anyway now that you are confused...lol...I recently found out that she broke up with her boyfriend because I'm friends with him on Facebook (she doesn't have one )

So my question is that is there any possible way that I can end up with her, at least as a friend?

It seems impossible to me, the thing that really upsets me is that the girl of my dreams is less than a mile away but in reality she is far away.

I know someone will say there are more fish in the sea and that you will find someone else, but like I said, I would like to be even friends with her because I like her a lot.

Thanks for anyone who read this and for the advice/comments. I would greatly appreciate them.

okay, just had to say this: tl;dr...

more to come later when i actually read it

oneitis sucks.

What is your obsessive interest? What;s up with your job situation? What's your education level? Those items can determine a good chunk of what sort of work you will be doing.

I'm not really to sure what my job has to do with this but I've been told this before by someone else on another site...they said that "I guess if you really just only have one girl you can talk to, it can be like that."

Yeah I know it was a novel...but I would really appreciate some feedback.

interesting.
sounds like you two are already friends.
Maybe not close friends since you two don't exactly hang out on a regular basis,
but friends nonetheless if she goes out of her way to say hi when she sees you.

& if you like her, i say go for it.
Life's too short to waste only thinking "what if...?"

Problem is I don't see her and have no means of contact with her unless I go directly to her house...lol and that would be creepy...I do want to go for it but how can I like that...it's been over a year since I saw her. I never flirted with her or anything because I was shy and I didn't want to disrespect the relationship but is there really a chance at all? Is there a method to run into her? I see some of my classmates who went away for school more often than her...lol

You have to be happy with yourself first if you ever want someone to be happy with you.

Human relationships are an exchange in one form or another. What do you have to offer?

If you haven't spoken to this girl in a year, then she probably barely remembers you if at all.

If you ever want to set yourself free, you have to develop your abilities and talents. You have to become indispensable.

Well that's the problem...I'm not confident in myself and have really no self-esteem...I am going to a psychatrist right now and trying to figure this stuff out...im sure she would remember me because she was the one who greeted me at that fair over the summer...that was around 4 months from the last time I saw her before. I don't know, I just feel like I'm screwed up

Write out your current skill set and go from there.

Can you draw?

Can you use the MS Office Suite?

How are you with computers? Can you fix/build them?

Anybody else have any comments/advice/ideas???

She went out of her way to say "Hi" you definitely have friend points. I believe if you want something bad enough you make it happen. From your behavior, she probably thinks your not interested and just being friendly to her. Nothings wrong with calling her up for a movie. Even if she graciously declines, you at least, made your feelings known to her. You at least can say you took a swing instead of standing there letting the ball scare you.

I'm not too sure if you read my post fully...I don't have any means of contact with her at all...never got her number, she has no facebook...like I said even though she lives not even a 1/2 mile from me it's like she's thousands away and it sucks.

It would be nice to at least be friends with her but I'm not going to force it...if I don't see her by the fall then it's over because I know she is going to a good college (she was like top 5 in her class from what I heard from a friend in her grade)

If he was friends with her or talked to her I could probably do something about it but he doesn't really talk to her.

Thank you for being so courteous in your correction of my previous response. I was merely making a point that you should try to make contact with this person if your feelings are genuine by any means possible. Being able to admit you have feelings for someone and not afraid to tell the world is an accomplishment itself. I will not push the issue and you will know when you are ready.

I knew you were gonna take that comment like that...it wasn't intended to be delivered like that but whatever

Well I was in for a shocking surprise...Kaitlyn actually works at the Ice Cream Place that is near our houses...I was so nervous when I saw her so I didn't really ask anything...I refered to her by her name and said "I didn't know you worked here."

So now that I know, how should I continue because it's kind of weird while she is in her workplace...it's not like I can stall the line up

Maybe I do have a chance