Few things And My Girlfriend

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I am 24 years old male.

I have met many girls that liked me. For some reason, I felt that girl will approach me and will mentioned that they saw me. In college, I was met by couple of girls.

One of the girl said that she saw me around and did some chatting. We end up departed.

2nd girl came to me after the Poetry Slam contest in college. I received several congratulation for my secret "last minute poem" draft. I named it "Eccentric Man" or something rather. The idea in my poem was to explain who I am and to prove that I was no different than other people. I admited that the judges were listening to more of my poem then other poems. I got an average of 7.3 as a score. Not bad!

The girl came to me and said that she like my poem. We did a small chat and departed.

I learned few things that I think might help other that experienced this situation. Get the freakin name and phone number!..... and make an appointment!

Here is my questions about my current girlfriend. I been dating my girlfriend for little while since December. I felt like I need 2 years of dating. I know some people date then wed in less than a year. I am not in a race for relationship. However, my reason behind dating was to increase my social skill while interacting with the opposite gender. I read book that said that I shouldn't just do it as a friend which I agreed, but it seem that I want to do half and half.

I want to do half relationship and half friend.

My girlfriend like me because I am an accidental and purpose smooth talker and that she been spent time listening to me, when I talked. I felt that she was more likely to like me by listening to me. I talked about dream and learned to avoid "computer" talk or technical stuff. It got to the point, where she was going crazy about me. I promise myself not to go crazy over girls. I known girls going crazy over me because I talked. However, the point wasn't about stroking my own ego.

The reason that I am asking is what if I am dating temporary (like for few years before quiting)? Why did I think, "well there has to be a better girl than her" when I am using and practicing my limited social ability? I can't denied her, but I admit she have "safe" flaws like not wanting to take college, possibly not knowing how to cook, and not helping me enough over my lack of talk issue (like not knowing what can be productive to say). I felt that we may have less talk in some days of our life and may have more talk in some days of our life or half and half.

The girlfriend's mother and sister like me. They find me trusted, where they asked me care for their pets in their apartment while they were out of town.

I felt that in one of my date, the family was talking family business in front of me when they should be helping me out with my speechless pit and talk about things. My diet ,which exclude less sugar, hampered my speech.

All well, I am done asking partial question while sharing my stories. Please don't suggest that I change girlfriend, not happening for my social status for the most reasons. I need social skill improvement, not neglect.

I think emotional attachment is too difficult to break when it is attach for a long time. Is practicng on social skill by dating with the same person, wrong?

i guess i can also be a bit of a smooth-talker accidentally sometimes .

only really online though or texting as far as i know though
& only if i genuinely feel something for that person. If there's nothing there then it just doesn't come naturally to me.

like for example, my girlfriend seems to think i'm the sweetest and most adorable thing on god's green earth. & i love her veryyy much, so i feel some kind of instinctual urge to make her happy and smile alot, resulting in my "smooth-texting" lovey, sappy behavior .

we've only been dating about 6 months and already she's expressed a wish to marry and procreate with me someday. I'm too smooth for my own good, somebody stop me

haha, just kidding, i'm perfectly fine with that outcome

Well NTs do it and the practice has gained widespread social acceptance, so I voted yes.

Dating can serve as a good way to enhance social skills.

And I agree about 1-2 years being appropriate before talking about marriage.

Every relationship I've been in has helped to improve my social skills in some form or another.

I think it is perfectly okay to practice your social skills with your current girlfriend and any other people that you should become acquainted with or meet.

However....

You should have an open relationship with your current girlfriend if you feel that this relationship is not going to progress. An open relationship is one where you both agree to see other people while still maintaining the relationship. The good thing about this is that you will get more practice socializing WITHOUT making promises that you cannot keep (i.e. letting current girlfriend believe that she is eventually going to have a long term relationship with you).

Also, let's look at this from the girlfriends perspective. I agree with Tim that dating should last a year or two before considering marriage (my own dear husband proposed on our first year anniversary of dating). If you are in an exclusive relationship with your current girlfriend and you are dating for one or two years and you are really mostly in the relationship for skills building rather than the goal of building a life together - you are wasting her time. She should have the opportunity to build a relationship with someone who shares mutual goals with her. She is not just a convenient skill building prop for you - she is a person who has desires and goals all her own. Respect this.

I know that you said that you don't want anyone to tell you to end the relationship. That's why I suggested talking to her about an open relationship. If she is not into this - then this gives HER the option of ending the relationship if she is no longer interested in being your walking/talking real life social building workshop.

Nothing you are doing is wrong - as long as all your cards are on the table and your current girlfriend consents to the type of relationship that you are pursuing. Consent = good. Non-consent = not good.

I am not sure what you are going on about in your last post.

Your original question was "is practicing social skills by dating this person wrong?" (I paraphrased a bit for clarity).

My answer, based on what you shared is "Yes, what you are doing is wrong."

You are using this girl who is "crazy about you" (Why she is crazy about you - I haven't a clue...) You are using her for "practice" until something better comes along. This is not a nice thing to do.

The only way to handle this and come across has a half way decent human being is to

1) open up the relationship; or

2) tell her that this is a temporary thing and that you are really only in it because you find her companionship helpful for social practice and will move on to another relationship when the opportunity presents itself and let her determine if this nonsensical relationship is beneficial to herself or not; or

3) break off the relationship yourself and find people to be with whom you genuinely [/u]want[u] to be with.

You can rationalize all you want - however what you are currently doing is wasting this girls time and playing her for a fool. Not nice.