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foreveryoung
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24 Jul 2010, 12:31 am

Is it normal to go from wanting a soulmate to not only not wanting one, but not even thinking about wanting one, in a short period of time?

Ever since my vacation, not only do I no longer care about my previous quest of finding my ideal, but I don't even care about having a girlfriend in general. It seems like I was in love with wanting to be in love. The fact is, I was in love with my ex and didn't even realize it because there were none of those Hollywood fuzzy feelings.

I guess after giving my previous relationship a lot of objective thought, as well as contemplating the majority of relationships (and I mean real relationships, not the internet stuff) that they are if anything a second job of sorts, only you're losing money, not making it.

I also figure, I never want to have kids or get married, so what's the point in being in a long term exclusive relationship anyway? Someone is going to get hurt, and even if it isn't myself, that isn't any better.

It also seems I'm less focused on finding a "10" even for sex, and just want to meet girls that are cute.

The change feels natural, but what's weird about it is that I was so adamant about my goals (Having sex with a "10" and also falling in love with my overall ideal woman) and simply going on a vacation and seeing a lot of beautiful women that before I never even would have noticed, I don't even want romance. If some cute, compatible girl came along and showed a lot of interest in me and really, really wanted to be in a relationship with me, and understood that it wasn't going to lead to marriage and kids, I'd welcome it, but it's not a goal.



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24 Jul 2010, 5:03 am

In short, I don't know. However, just be glad you do not have an unfulfilled desire in your life.


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24 Jul 2010, 5:07 am

It doesn't sound utterly abnormal.

Perhaps objective oriented thinking is not necessary for you right now. You don't always need to be pursuing a goal, you can just wait for things to happen, enjoying whatever arises naturally.

I'd say it's very positive to lose your attachment to outcomes.

I don't know if you enjoy your job or not, but if a relationship feels like more work than reward, there's an obvious answer to that. Work smarter, or resign.


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24 Jul 2010, 12:53 pm

There's nothing wrong with it, in fact I'm glad you've decided not to live your life being so focused on finding the perfect one that the rest of your life falls by the wayside.
Live, have fun, and enjoy yourself, that's what matters. :)


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24 Jul 2010, 12:59 pm

Well, if you mean "soulmate" as in "Miss perfect" and going from wanting to meet her to meeting a girl that can fill the void in your life with something at least meaningful, then yes - its rather normal.

Its even got a term assigned to it: "Giving up".


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24 Jul 2010, 8:52 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
Ever since my vacation, not only do I no longer care about my previous quest of finding my ideal, but I don't even care about having a girlfriend in general. It seems like I was in love with wanting to be in love. The fact is, I was in love with my ex and didn't even realize it because there were none of those Hollywood fuzzy feelings.


I've felt just like this before, and almost like this now. It was after my first relationship. Before it I was in that 'ugh I'll never have a boyfriend what am I gonna do' mode all the time, and then I dated someone for nearly two years. Since then I've felt fairly apathetic about having a relationship, I certainly haven't gone looking for one. So in 3 years since then, I've had a couple relationships but never went searching for one. And it was rare for me to feel upset after a breakup. Right now I think it would be nice to be in love, but I wasn't in love with those people I dated and I'm not in love with anyone now so I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.


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25 Jul 2010, 12:13 am

Bitterness can be cyclical.


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25 Jul 2010, 3:57 pm

As soon as I lost my virginity my attitude and mindset changed completely. I used to be a lot like toad and adam82 and far to many other aspie males. (lots of unrequited crushes).

Once I got that out of the way, I find girls more interested in me. I think once you get rid of that desperation people will be more attracted to you.



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25 Jul 2010, 10:07 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
Is it normal to go from wanting a soulmate to not only not wanting one, but not even thinking about wanting one, in a short period of time?

Ever since my vacation, not only do I no longer care about my previous quest of finding my ideal, but I don't even care about having a girlfriend in general. It seems like I was in love with wanting to be in love. The fact is, I was in love with my ex and didn't even realize it because there were none of those Hollywood fuzzy feelings.

I guess after giving my previous relationship a lot of objective thought, as well as contemplating the majority of relationships (and I mean real relationships, not the internet stuff) that they are if anything a second job of sorts, only you're losing money, not making it.

I also figure, I never want to have kids or get married, so what's the point in being in a long term exclusive relationship anyway? Someone is going to get hurt, and even if it isn't myself, that isn't any better.

It also seems I'm less focused on finding a "10" even for sex, and just want to meet girls that are cute.

The change feels natural, but what's weird about it is that I was so adamant about my goals (Having sex with a "10" and also falling in love with my overall ideal woman) and simply going on a vacation and seeing a lot of beautiful women that before I never even would have noticed, I don't even want romance. If some cute, compatible girl came along and showed a lot of interest in me and really, really wanted to be in a relationship with me, and understood that it wasn't going to lead to marriage and kids, I'd welcome it, but it's not a goal.


First you must learn to distinguish between soul mate and twin flame. Soul mates are plenty. Friends, lovers, girlfriends usually from past lives. Twin flame is your ultimate partner. The soul you were with at your souls birth. Everyone wants to be with their twin flame but you don't have to think about it. I rarely think about soul mates or twin flames. I will get in romantic moods once in awhile but usually only focused on one "female" and thats Sophia or wisdom.



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25 Jul 2010, 10:13 pm

SaNcheNuSS wrote:
foreveryoung wrote:
Is it normal to go from wanting a soulmate to not only not wanting one, but not even thinking about wanting one, in a short period of time?

Ever since my vacation, not only do I no longer care about my previous quest of finding my ideal, but I don't even care about having a girlfriend in general. It seems like I was in love with wanting to be in love. The fact is, I was in love with my ex and didn't even realize it because there were none of those Hollywood fuzzy feelings.

I guess after giving my previous relationship a lot of objective thought, as well as contemplating the majority of relationships (and I mean real relationships, not the internet stuff) that they are if anything a second job of sorts, only you're losing money, not making it.

I also figure, I never want to have kids or get married, so what's the point in being in a long term exclusive relationship anyway? Someone is going to get hurt, and even if it isn't myself, that isn't any better.

It also seems I'm less focused on finding a "10" even for sex, and just want to meet girls that are cute.

The change feels natural, but what's weird about it is that I was so adamant about my goals (Having sex with a "10" and also falling in love with my overall ideal woman) and simply going on a vacation and seeing a lot of beautiful women that before I never even would have noticed, I don't even want romance. If some cute, compatible girl came along and showed a lot of interest in me and really, really wanted to be in a relationship with me, and understood that it wasn't going to lead to marriage and kids, I'd welcome it, but it's not a goal.


First you must learn to distinguish between soul mate and twin flame. Soul mates are plenty. Friends, lovers, girlfriends usually from past lives. Twin flame is your ultimate partner. The soul you were with at your souls birth. Everyone wants to be with their twin flame but you don't have to think about it. I rarely think about soul mates or twin flames. I will get in romantic moods once in awhile but usually only focused on one "female" and thats Sophia or wisdom.


Hahahahahahaha

Are you running a discount sale
On unicors and beachfront property in Kansas as well? :P



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26 Jul 2010, 4:28 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
SaNcheNuSS wrote:
foreveryoung wrote:
Is it normal to go from wanting a soulmate to not only not wanting one, but not even thinking about wanting one, in a short period of time?

Ever since my vacation, not only do I no longer care about my previous quest of finding my ideal, but I don't even care about having a girlfriend in general. It seems like I was in love with wanting to be in love. The fact is, I was in love with my ex and didn't even realize it because there were none of those Hollywood fuzzy feelings.

I guess after giving my previous relationship a lot of objective thought, as well as contemplating the majority of relationships (and I mean real relationships, not the internet stuff) that they are if anything a second job of sorts, only you're losing money, not making it.

I also figure, I never want to have kids or get married, so what's the point in being in a long term exclusive relationship anyway? Someone is going to get hurt, and even if it isn't myself, that isn't any better.

It also seems I'm less focused on finding a "10" even for sex, and just want to meet girls that are cute.

The change feels natural, but what's weird about it is that I was so adamant about my goals (Having sex with a "10" and also falling in love with my overall ideal woman) and simply going on a vacation and seeing a lot of beautiful women that before I never even would have noticed, I don't even want romance. If some cute, compatible girl came along and showed a lot of interest in me and really, really wanted to be in a relationship with me, and understood that it wasn't going to lead to marriage and kids, I'd welcome it, but it's not a goal.


First you must learn to distinguish between soul mate and twin flame. Soul mates are plenty. Friends, lovers, girlfriends usually from past lives. Twin flame is your ultimate partner. The soul you were with at your souls birth. Everyone wants to be with their twin flame but you don't have to think about it. I rarely think about soul mates or twin flames. I will get in romantic moods once in awhile but usually only focused on one "female" and thats Sophia or wisdom.


Hahahahahahaha

Are you running a discount sale
On unicors and beachfront property in Kansas as well? :P


What the hell is a unicors? I think that you meant unicorn.



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26 Jul 2010, 5:16 pm

Your waffling because your considering the pros and cons of having a SO at different times



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26 Jul 2010, 5:50 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
Hahahahahahaha

Are you running a discount sale
On unicors and beachfront property in Kansas as well? :P


I'd rather believe in unicorns than listen to your "buy a whore" BS...



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26 Jul 2010, 7:42 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
RICKY5 wrote:
Hahahahahahaha

Are you running a discount sale
On unicors and beachfront property in Kansas as well? :P


I'd rather believe in unicorns than listen to your "buy a whore" BS...


awwwwww...Toadie got his big boy hair in today! :P :D

But seriously, as if labeling yourself "unlovable" and whining for Mommy 2.0 to come along is working out great for you...



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26 Jul 2010, 9:31 pm

better than selling myself out...



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26 Jul 2010, 10:11 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
As soon as I lost my virginity my attitude and mindset changed completely. I used to be a lot like toad and adam82 and far to many other aspie males. (lots of unrequited crushes).

Once I got that out of the way, I find girls more interested in me. I think once you get rid of that desperation people will be more attracted to you.


The question is, how to find that woman who will be generous enough to get you out of this position.