How do you know if you are dating?

Post Reply New Topic

This seems to happen to me a lot... I'm not sure if I'm hanging out with a friend, or out on a date with them anymore...

Oftentimes I'll go to dinner and a movie with a friend... which is the stereotypical 'date,' but I do this normally with people I'm positive I'm just friends with... and with the people I'm unsure about, so what exactly defines something as a 'date?' Is it only a date if the words "date" or "going out" come up?

Then what about the more obscure things? Like... I have a friend right now, and been over his place 4x now... three of them he made me dinner (spaghetti and meatballs first time, then second two times a fillet mignon... which I know are expensive as hell, and not a normal dinner, so that in itself suggests something)-- the other was right before going to a movie (which of the four times, was most likely to just be friendship part to me... but the fillet mignons are questionable... is he just insanely nice and treating me to an amazing dinner, or is it a date? >_<)

We both work at the same company, and at work we send emails back and forth nonstop messing with each other (joking emails)... which I know a lot of people could take as flirting and stuff... so know I'm digging myself in a hole if I decide not to date him and it comes up (...I *DO* like him, but I'm petrified of actually going out and dating someone... and from everything I can piece together, I think he likes me too... so if I continue along this path, and finally decide I can't go further... just going to hurt both of us >_<)


Why does everything have to be so vague... its actually rather refreshing to have someone come straight out and ask if you wanna go on a date, and cut off this guessing game... >.<

But...if you're already dating...then that scary first plunge is over.



I understand your frustration, I've been on both sides of that quandry. Here's where you employ some of that good ol' Aspie blunt honesty and ASK. Tell him:

"I suck at reading social signals and sometimes have no clue what those around me intend or expect, so, embarrassing as it is to have to do, I need to clear something up - no pressure, I have no expectation one way or the other, I'm just clueless as to where your head is at - are we dating, or are we just hanging out?"

You could always throw in:

"Somebody asked me and I was kind of thrown, because I'd never even thought about it".

See... normally I would... I like straightforwardness a lot, even if it does hurt sometimes...

but that would require me having to make my choice... I'm not sure I /WANT/ to date him yet... so its giving me some time to not have to worry about it... but still stressing me out a lot... he's an awesome person, but just not sure if I'll ever be ready to date xD, and asking him 'are we dating' would then lead to 'oh s**t... I can't date! sorry!' or the mental 'ohshitwhatdoIdowhatdoIdofuuuuuckkkkk' xD

I'm glad someone has asked this question. From what people have said on here the definition of a date varies from person to person.

What would you do if he came up to you and said, "Hi Tsiiki, I really really like you. Will you go out with me?"

I just assume if I'm not holding hands (or more) during a date it ain't a date. This works pretty well for me, not saying it works for everyone. Especially since no girls has ever even made me spaghetti without going all the way that same night.

I'd panic... >.>

>_< I dunno what I'd do... but I'd freak out and probably blabber something along of the lines of "um... I don't know... lemme think about it..." to get outta the spotlight... and then I'd go home and have a heartattack everyday for next two weeks putting it off... >.>;;;

x_x;;;;

And hmmm... I've been on 'official' dates before without holding hands (and how glad I am about THAT.... yeah not really one for physical contact xD) but could use that as another guideline... (and to convince myself we aren't on a date ^_^)


We need an "Are you dating checklist, score over half the points on here, and yes, your on a date" for us socially impaired fellows who haven't a clue whats going on around them...

you know you're on a date when you ask them, "hey, are we dating ?"
and they say, "what rock have you been living under the past few weeks, of course we are "

This happens to me all the time and then I have to scramble to get out. I am usually just trying to be social or friendly...

I wonder if you should just leave things the way they are at the moment and just get used to being around him. This may be his plan. Maybe you're just getting to know each other without the label of dating. That way there's no pressure on you.

I have a friend a bit like this. A couple of months ago I thought he might ask me out and i wasn't ready. I would have said no. But he has stuck around and I am getting to know him better and I am beginning to trust him more and I'm more comfortable with him. I don't like the idea of him asking me out because I wouldn't know how I ought to behave if I have the label of "girlfriend". Although I totally related to stressing out wondering if he actually likes you or not. I think this guy likes me, but I'm really not sure. I don't understand these things.

I can tell pretty easily. Either we confirm the fact that we are in a "steady" relationship or it comes around eventually (that we realize the fact) or in one case, the break of communication was so painful that I coined the term "posthumous relationship" or "posthumous boy/girlfriend" (even though no one is dead, the relationship in retrospect was a dating relationship.

If the person is of opposite gender and not related and you haven't been long time friends, and you are going out just the two of you? It's a date.

Ask and you'll know for sure. "Just so we are clear. It's a date, right?!" <wink> That is perfectly acceptable.

I guess it also depends on what you both think. I realize I'm already dating someone, but sometimes we just hang out and go to the beach. Other times it's an actual date where I take her to the zoo. For me and my girlfriend, I guess it's just if we feel like it's a date then it's a date, otherwise it's not lol