Ever had a look around where you are IRL and thought...

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...'there's nobody here that I want?'

I've got that problem. Of course, I'm in a 'small' town, and that doesn't help. Nor can I really get out of said small town.

And when I look around, or even stop and think of people I know, I can't really say, "Oh there's a person I MIGHT think of dating."

Now why would this be?

Well for starters, nobody in my peer group liked me. Not a single freaking one. Not the boys anyway. And they all treated me badly so they are likewise not desirable for myself anyway. The term "Highschool sweetheart" holds absolutely no meaning for me. There's not a single person I can point to that I know outside of high school that I'd even think I knew well enough to go "hmmmm" about. Anyone that might even remotely be a possibility (or that I would be minimally curious about) is already attached.

One of my brothers is only a year and a bit younger than me, but he's no help. Nobody befriended him for the purpose of trying to get with either myself (or my sister for that matter, though my sister did not lack for BFs anyway--and none of my sis' BFs EVER dumped her for me). In fact most of his friends are outright hostile jerks. Only one isn't, and that one's attached/disinterested (and my brother pointed out I'm not that guy's type, privately--I'm not asian and skinny).

And that's all it is to me, curiosity. I don't know what love is (romantically) and have never felt that feeling you're supposed to get when you're in love with someone.

Sometimes I ask that one brother if he knows anyone who likes Transformers or any of those other things I like and he said no, and he wouldn't hang out with them if he knew anyone who did.

I'm 30 years old and never had a g/f. And there doesn't seem to be any girls around the SW Ohio region where I live who might click with me (or if there are, they're already seeing some jerk)...it just seems to me that any girl who'd be into prog-rock and video-games like I am most likely would live too far away from me to be able to meet and get to know better

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

"...there's nobody here that would want me," tends to be more the case for me, although I suppose that still means I wouldn't want them too. It does often seem like everyone out there is the same; outgoing, extroverted, only interested in drinking and partying, etc. If there are genuinely different people among them, they're either very rare or are carefully masking their differences so they can blend in.

cant you move then?

...I think you have some seriously f****d up expectations.

Its not that often that people befriend their brothers to get a chance with their sister. More often than not, people find it awkward to date their friend's sisters.

And secondly... "none of my sis' BFs EVER dumped her for me" <--- WTF. Really, what. the. hell.

That is NOT a common occurrence, maybe in movies where they overdramaticize everything, but in this real world, its a rarity. And furthermore... I find it absolutely despicable that people would do that in the first place, and even more unappetizing that you seem to actually WANT that. Why would you want to date someone who so clearly can drop their current girlfriend for another in a flash like that?

You should be happy for your siblings to have their friends and boyfriends they do, not go all selfishly emo because those friends aren't interested in dating you.



As for the rest, people really only notice the 'loud' people. Those who are in everyone's faces, who are friends with everyone, partying, obnoxious, etc. Even if they aren't annoying, its still the popular people who are sociable with everyone that ppl tend to notice... there's a ton of people who are not as outgoing and are shy and try to remain out of the spotlight...

I don't really want to date anyone myself, but wouldn't say that I've ever felt "there's nobody here that I want"-- I have a hard time visualizing dating anyone I've met, but theres a ton of kind and nice people that I don't think would be terrible to date... were I interested in it (and right now found someone I actually like, for first time in my life, and struggling with what to do, because I instinctively DONT want to date)-- Both my hometown that I dislike and never had many friends, and current home, which I have very few friends in anyways, I've seen plenty of people who wouldn't be... terrible to date (well, looking back now at those people that is, like I said, I never wanted to before, so never thought about it, but looking back at those people... theres a ton of decent folk out there)

Finding the friends/bf/gf, and getting to dating/befriending them is hard, for sure, I find it hard enough to make normal friends, but I wouldn't ever say theres no one around thats worthwhile

I wish I could, but I can't drive and I just live off a monthly disability check...

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

I definitely have "nobody here that I want" as well as "nobody here that would want me". I genuinely have no idea how people find other people. There's the internet, of course, but I find it hard even online to meet and talk to people.

What do you guys look for people to have a relationship with? Did you go to college? Do you meet people at work? Do you use dating websites?

Hoping you will meet someone through a sibling is not the best plan. If there isn't anyone in your area, my suggestion would be to try some different dating sites and if you meet someone in another place, consider relocation unless there is a reason you want to stay where you are. But neither of you seemed to be terribly attached to where you are.

To answer your original question...yes, I've looked around and realized there's no one around I want to date. But I'm certainly not bothered by it because 1. I don't do anything to look for anyone and 2. I don't really care to be with anyone

I do that, every day that I walk through the city of Langley.

Yes.

There was no one in my previous city who I wanted. There was a boy about my age when I was younger who I had a slight interest in but just slight.

If you repeatedly travel the same paths at the same time of day, you are very likely to see the same people. Mix it up a little and change your route, rhythm, or destinations, if you want to meet someone else. Sometimes traveling a little farther helps, but sometimes you miss seeing people that exist because you never let your paths cross.

Yes.

*shrug* I must know a lot of bad people. It's not that I want it, it's just that I saw it happening to others.


Oh trust me, I never had any interest in any of my sister's BFs. But I did see a lot of people whose boyfriends (or girlfriends) dumped them for a sibling.



Eh, nobody's shown random interest in me anywhere in town. Quiet people were quiet (and unapproachable).

Way out of college. Even there, there was nothing there (nobody interesting or who showed interest). Small college tho.



There were bad people at work. Back when I worked. Geez, one guy was a former heroin addict.
But like the rest he never showed interest (thank god).



I hate filling out questionnaires.


*shrug* I've heard of lots of people meeting that way.



Moving somewhere to be with someone would be VERY tricky. My parents would NOT have it if the only option was to go and live with the person. And by not have it, I mean, they wouldn't help me move or nothing (and I'd NEED their help to do so). Being on disability, I can't really go anywhere. And on the internet/dating sites, you really don't know what you're getting.

Learn to drive. Get the bus. You can get disibility checks in another town. Get a friend to take you there to look at places to rent. I honestly doubt my monthly pay check is any more than what you get for didibility.

Doesn't sound to me like you're actually trying to meet anyone. People don't just fall onto your lap. If you're a woman, dating sites would probably be the best way to go.

If you aren't prepared to do that and aren't trying IRL Then of course nothing is going to happen. See my post to the other guy about moving towns. You have to want to do it badly enough.