Socially inept, desperate guy, from a woman's perspective

Post Reply New Topic

I'm keeping this intentionally vague because I don't want to betray someone's trust with too many details...

Backstory: I'm dating a beautiful foreign-born lady (this will become relevant later...). She's very fit and very cute, and so honest and nice. I'm very very lucky.

Before we met, she went out a few times with a guy who turned out to be a complete creep. I know this because this guy won't let go. He's still calling her and sending her weird e-mails.

He seemed nice at first. Alarm bells started ringing for her when the two of them were out walking and he pointed at another woman and said: "You see that thing? That's what I'd be dating if my standards weren't so high."

OMG! Who says that?!

I forget all his other comments which she told me about, because they were so shocking. They were more of the same: he objectified women, he was just looking for a trophy... someone to fill a void in his life, without knowing what makes a relationship work, or how to reciprocate, or even how to interact with other people on a most basic level. He was in his 30s... so not a kid.

'How can he not know these things' - was her question. I thought about this forum when she said that.

When she told him that she wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship and he just exploded into rage. He cursed and told her that she was just like all the American women and how 'they did this to him'. His response was disproportional to the time they dated. It was only a week, and he acted like a hurt husband when she told him it wasn't going anywhere.

He's getting close to full stalker mode. So now the police need to be involved and the courts. Oy, it is a big mess and I'm trying my best to help and to make sure she isn't affected by the emotional trauma.

Guys... learn from this and don't be this guy. Okay?

NO MEANS NO. Let it go.

DON'T ACT and pretend you are something you are not. Be yourself from the get-go.

You've not given us a lot of details but it does sound like this guy has a personality disorder, probably Narcissistic or Borderline. My first guess is Borderline, but having dealt with that before I tend to think of it first.

Yuck. Funny and stupid how guys flip out over what amounts to the pursuit of tail...

Lol whut?

This story sounds made up. But maybe it's just because this guy is so over-the-top, and he just sounds too stereotypical.

Okay, so the only question was "How can he not know these things?".

I don't think its a matter of him not knowing, its that he's full of himself and doesn't care. When I was more young and naive I'd wonder similar things. I'd see someone who is very bright but inconsiderate and mean, and be puzzled. I learned that some people just want to be a-holes, apparently they get something out of it.

Why are you defensive D-J?

When did I talk down to someone? I tend to criticize the clueless men here who keep complaining but do nothing to rectify their situation. They deserve to be criticized, and I'm not the only one doing it.

The story is in no way exaggerated. It is in fact worse than I made it appear. The police are involved after all, and they wouldn't be unless this was a serious matter. I don't want to give too many details. Google will keep all this for eternity.

haha even the obsessive compulsive stalker types (and I was unaware of any until one kid I knew killed himself and his girlfriend a few years out of high school) didn't want anything to do with me.