An NT seeking advice to get through to an aspie.
So I have been friends with this girl at my highschool for a while now. She is really intriguing to me. She is kind of an outsider like me, and a bit on the quirky side. We have been hanging out just about every other day now. I wanted to progress the relationship, hinting to her, teasing her and stuff. I tried my best to show her that i was interested, untill I finally asked her to the homecoming dance. Her reaction was... odd to say the least. She didn't seem to understand. Her immediate reaction, after I said I already bought tickets, was "My dad would kill me if I made you buy me tickets." The next day she acted as if nothing ever happend, I don't even think she realized that I was asking her out. Weeks past, and I we were still hangin around eachother, and she tells me she has Aspergers' syndrome. I was somewhat familiar with it after writing a research paper on Autism ahile back. It started to male sense. She wouldn't look at me when she talked to, and I thought this was just a lack of confidence, and she talked a lot about japanese history, If i mentioned something similar.
So now I would like to ask, If Subtle hints and body language don't work, how do I get through to her Aspie brain that I like her more than a friend?
Since subtle hints don't work with us, try the direct approach. For example:
"Hi I think you're a really nice and interesting person I would like to take you to the dance. Would you like to go with me?"
Keep it short, specific and to the point. Do the same with any follow up conversations or she will be confused.
Just a note from personal experence, as an aspie female I am completely blind to normal flirting signals from guys, but if a guy comes straight out, complements me, and asks me out I would be thrilled.
So now I would like to ask, If Subtle hints and body language don't work, how do I get through to her Aspie brain that I like her more than a friend?
You could try saying "I like you as more than a friend". Personally I've never understood the point of hinting at things when you can simply say them outright.
I did ask her to homecoming, remember? Is that not asking directly?
I spend a lot of time reading physiology ect. to understand NT's. I think I know why they/you do thinks that way.
Most of the time NT (I don't want to say lie) use a (for lake of a better word) cover story about why they are talking
and then use body language and subtly to kinda comunicate that they like each other. It's a way of showing they like
someone, checking if they like them back, without every accnoiliging that they are doing it. It gives them plausible
deniability. They don't have to go out on a limb or get made fun of if it does wrong. No offense but there is a lot of
duplicity in the way people do things that we don't see through. You have to be direct dude.
If you want write her a letter. It'll take the strain of her too.
Most of the time NT (I don't want to say lie) use a (for lake of a better word) cover story about why they are talking
and then use body language and subtly to kinda comunicate that they like each other. It's a way of showing they like
someone, checking if they like them back, without every accnoiliging that they are doing it. It gives them plausible
deniability. They don't have to go out on a limb or get made fun of if it does wrong. No offense but there is a lot of
duplicity in the way people do things that we don't see through. You have to be direct dude.
If you want write her a letter. It'll take the strain of her too.
Exactly.
Yes I agree that is why NTs do those things. It is a flaw of character I believe to be controlled by ego which most of them are. It's very low sad empty form of life to be, indeed although we are at a point in history where they are majority and cannot see it yet....even those who finally acknowledge but not until they've for many years wreaked the social and personal damage of their misunderstood ego
Bitter much?
But, you instantly got on a soapbox about something unrelated when body language was mentioned. This thread is not an appropriate place for neurotypical hatred.
As others have said in this topic, be direct as a general rule. What kinds of hints and teasing and stuff? The only thing that seemed odd to me is what she said after you told her that you bought the tickets(I could try think of an explanation, but it would be presumptuous). Try to understand her. It's just her brain is "wired" differently. Ask questions to understand her. One last thing, don't think you are anywhere with it on autism just because you did a research paper on it. She's living it ever hour of her life, and so is most people on this site. You have only "scraped the surface". Best wishes toward your romantic endeavor.
_________________
The mind-what's possible in it is impossible to say
As others have said, a clear direct honest approach will probably be easy for her to read. Not that your approach is wrong, as another poster said about "saving face" it is a logical approach to take. The problem is most aspies won't pick up on subtle cues, thus misunderstanding can and will occur. An alternative way around it, without having to put yourself on the line, is to tell a friend of hers that you like her romantically and ask the friend to tell her. This way it is less confrontational and on the spot, and it will be less likely make her feel anxious or run away.
I wish you all the best, and please don't feel unwelcome because of any "NT hatred" posts you might see on here: the vast majority of us are not nazi's, and consider this behaviour completely unacceptable.
_________________
Into the dark...
I wish you all the best, and please don't feel unwelcome because of any "NT hatred" posts you might see on here: the vast majority of us are not nazi's, and consider this behaviour completely unacceptable.
Thank you.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Emotional support (Seeking diagnosis in my city) |
02 Oct 2024, 6:02 am |
Seeking Ideas for Independent Living as I Grow Older |
16 Sep 2024, 7:40 am |
Travel advice please |
11 Oct 2024, 8:13 pm |
Dating Advice |
16 Sep 2024, 4:12 pm |