Opposite Side

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Have you all had this same problem when it came to your NT significant other? My fiance had a pot of water(not boiling yet) but on the front right eye of the stove. She told me to put it on the opposite side. I asked her which opposite side? This is why. The right back eye can be considered the opposite to the right front eye. The left front eye can be considered the opposite of the right front eye of the stove. The left, back, eye can be considered an opposite because it's on the opposite angle of the right, front eye of the stove.

We got into an argument over this and I almost had a meltdown. How was I supposed to determine what she was talking about because all the eyes that didn't have the pot could be considered opposite?

Why couldn't she just get to the point and say exactly what eye of the stove she was talking about?


Here is another thing. She'll tell me to fill a pot with water but she won't tell me how much water to fill it with.

I haven't run into that specific example, but I do have to deal with the gross generalizations and over simplifications of NT's on a daily basis. They give a direction that could have a thousand different meanings and somehow expect me to discern the specific one they were wanting. And asking for further input usually results in dumbfounded stares or an argument. I do engineering drawings based off of handdrawn sketches and scribbled notes at work. The situation you describe is what makes my job a lot more difficult than it should be.
And yes, I am constantly surpressing mini-meltdowns over this.

I once dated a girl who couldn't see other people's point-of-view either. For instance, she was facing me off my left shoulder as I was looking for something (I forget what it was). I asked her where she thought it was, and she replied that it was right in front of me. So I walked three paces forward to the spot where my nose touched a blank wall (I took her at her literal word).

"Stupid! I said in front of you!" she shrieked.

She then walked to where I had been standing, opened a drawer and picked it up.

"See this? Are you blind?" she said, waving it in my face.

Had she told me that it was in the drawer to my right, I'd have found it. Instead, her silopsism set the tone for the remainder of our relationship, which lasted less than three more minutes.

Last edited by Fnord on 23 Dec 2008, 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

When people (NT's) say opposite, they usually are thinking/meaning laterally, thus, right/left. Just FYI.

Taking a wild guess it was probably inconsequential as long as you moved it to another unlit burner. She misspoke, as in she gave you more information than you needed, should have just said "Take it off the burner till it heats up" or "and cook this first instead". There's no deeper meaning needed.

This is where you have to figure that NT's aren't perfect with their words, if you corrected her, being female, the conversation from her side and what she was taking in perceptually was that the conversation was about her not pleasing you and it becomes an altogether deeper couples argument rather than it being that you simply misunderstood what she said.

I'll admit, we're prone to these kinds of misunderstandings but you want to do whatever you can to acknowledge them, understand what and why they are, and do your best to possibly take a second to think it though if someone does put you in an awkward position. In this particular case for instance you could have tried to figure out "Why does she need it over there" so you ask her "To let the surface heat? Good idea" and if she says no, that it was something else, you then know what she wanted and you can move the pot wherever you please providing its reasonably efficient and it serves the purpose.

Whether your quibbling (as she might see it) over semantics was right or wrong is beside the point. This is such a minuscule thing that getting so emotionally worked up (for either party) is just stupid. This probably indicates there is some broader problem or frustration. Have you Talked About It with her?

Have you asked her these questions? She is the only one capable of answering for herself.


Fill it until it's full. Do it every thime she does not specify the amount.

"Fill it up" usually means the same as "Top it off" or "To the brim."

Never heard anybody put it that way. What's wrong with front or back? Or "off the heat" (you choose)?

lol Wow! This is exactly what I would've thought in my mind but here is the thing NTs don't mean that. They want you to fill it to a specific amount and not full and I was asking what that amount was. She didn't say to fill it up but to grab a pot and fill it with water. There are two problems with these directions. We have different size pots and she didn't tell me how much water. So, I didn't know what size pot to get and I didn't know how much water I was suppose to fill that pot up with.

I know. I wish she would've just said that and told me the precise eye.

You know what, you're correct this is stupid we do have much broader problems and frustrations than this.

The above is right. Also the scenario that Fnord, above, described also falls into this category. Only there are two aspects in which the females were insulted, and possibly a third.

First, as said above, your apparent refusal to do the apparently simple thing the woman asked was interpreted as the woman not pleasing you and you being disrespectful of her as a result. You appeared to be choosing to not be on her side, and declining to see things her way on purpose.

Second, the way you both (i.e. OP & Fnord) went about clarifying had the flavor of belittling the woman's intelligence. Smart people who think someone is stupid, often use pantomime behavior to show that if the accused stupid person's instruction were carried out, nonsense would result. So Fnord walking up to the wall came off as his mocking her saying it was right in front of him. And the OP arguing that there were legitimately multiple interpretations of the "opposite" specification, also seemed like belittling condescension.

Third, I have similar disconnects with my husband, even though the AS aspect of the interaction originates with me, not him. (These kinds of disconnects can occur with woman AS with NT man, too.) But on occasions when I blow up at my NT husband when we have these kinds of disconnects, those mostly when I'm in the week before I have my period. So whether or not these women interpreted the above as insulting their intelligence or disrespect, they might have been on their periods, to get upset over an implied insult.

Also, remember that NTs can get "mind-blind" too. Not consistently, but on many occasions, they just can't get what's going on in your head.

You know what, I didn't even think of that. I should've just moved it to another burner. I think the issue was we were talking about two dimensions of opposite instead of one dimension. Back Vs. Front and Left Vs. Right. From now I will just choose the most opposite and for example if it's the front and right I will choose the back and left.

NTs ahhhhhhhhhhh they make me want to pull my hair out sometimes.

Look at what you're cooking and try and pick a pot big enough to fit it and get enough water to cover it. That should work.

First, as said above, your apparent refusal to do the apparently simple thing the woman asked was interpreted as the woman not pleasing you and you being disrespectful of her as a result. You appeared to be choosing to not be on her side, and declining to see things her way on purpose.

"Hmmmmm, I didn't see it this way. In my mind, I was just asking for further clarification. I didn't know that I was belittling her."

Second, the way you both (i.e. OP & Fnord) went about clarifying had the flavor of belittling the woman's intelligence. Smart people who think someone is stupid, often use pantomime behavior to show that if the accused stupid person's instruction were carried out, nonsense would result. So Fnord walking up to the wall came off as his mocking her saying it was right in front of him. And the OP arguing that there were legitimately multiple interpretations of the "opposite" specification, also seemed like belittling condescension.

"I didn't know that. So, what would've been a better approach to this problem of obtaining better clarification?"

Third, I have similar disconnects with my husband, even though the AS aspect of the interaction originates with me, not him. (These kinds of disconnects can occur with woman AS with NT man, too.) But on occasions when I blow up at my NT husband when we have these kinds of disconnects, those mostly when I'm in the week before I have my period. So whether or not these women interpreted the above as insulting their intelligence or disrespect, they might have been on their periods, to get upset over an implied insult.

"What is the best way to overcome this? How do I get clarification and understanding without sounding like I'm mocking or being insulting?"