I think I've let myself go.

Post Reply New Topic

I feel I have let myself go in terms of attractiveness. I haven't really cared much about finding love for the past couple years, and no girl has been attracted to me in that time. I haven't been attracted to any girls either, not since high school (I'm between my third and fourth years of college now). I'm basically asexual now, though I refuse to label myself as an asexual because 1. I know it's probably not permanent, and 2. There is no evidence that I am other than that I'm simply not particularly interested in sex/relationships at the moment.

I think I've become less attractive since high school. I've been told this is because college girls look for personality rather than looks (which are my only advantage), but I think I have changed as well. I have had acne for over a year now, and I can't seem to get rid of it; my brother had it until he was about 24, so if genetics are an indication it's not going anywhere soon. I'm less social, less outgoing; I walk with my head down and rarely speak to anyone other than my family and my life coach. I've become less "sexual", meaning I no longer act perverted or flirt or fool around with anyone else. I'm not sure if this helps or hurts, because I've heard that acting sexual can make a guy more attractive but it can also make him look like a rapist. I may have also lost my "bad boy" image since I stopped doing drugs and stopped being nasty (i.e. honest) with people.

It's not that I want a relationship; I don't, not in the near future anyway. I've realized that I'm not ready for one, and I will have to wait for a long time and work very hard before I am. I'd like to have one eventually though, but it seems like I've missed out on my chance to be with (nonsexual definition) a hot girl like all the ones that flocked to me in high school.

Nothing wrong with taking a break from romance. Just try focusing on studies, work, and/or hobbies instead.

I think as a man it's less of an issue because the standards of physical beauty aren't the same. You can really afford to take some time to make yourself successful. Then come back to romance the ladies. If you prefer the yonger women you can even go back and date them. There is less of a stigma against a man marying a younger women then it is for a female to be a 'cougar'. Although even that is changing these days due to high profile couples like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

If you're not looking for a relationship now, it doesn't really matter. Although, I would caution you to make a cursory effort just so that you don't drive off people who might want to get to know you, which could lead to relationships in the future when you are ready.

So long as you don't let yourself go in a permanent way, like becoming morbidly obese or doing crystal meth, it's all fine. Just don't close off your options.

My advice -- regardless of how you feel about having a relationship, get the acne treated by a medical professional. There's no good reason to have acne, and it can cause permanent scarring and damage that you will wish you had prevented. There are prescription meds out there that can cure acne, permanently.

Case in point -- Accutane. I went on this, almost half my life ago, for a 6 month treatment. Expensive without insurance, but worth it -- I have not had facial acne since.

I think if I did, I'd feel much better.

Exercise. There's nothing like a good obsessive workout routine to stimulate the brain and the physical system, balance the hormones (which will help with the sex drive and the acne), and overall make you feel better about your appearance and appeal. Read up on it first to see what training techniques interest you. AH-nald has several on the market that are knowledgable and helpful: The Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding might be more info that you're interested in, Arnold's Bodybuilding for Men is less intimidating and more casual in approach, or maybe you'd rather run, or swim. Anyway you approach it, get the blood flowing and the brain will work better on all levels.

I also recommend tailoring your diet toward meat proteins and vegetables and generally avoiding carbs. You don't have to eliminate them entirely (unless you want to drop weight very rapidly), but avoid white bread and potatoes whenever possible unless you're actively trying to become obese.

Accutane does seem to have a good reputation. When I was a teenager, a doc gave me sulphur capsules and they made my urine reek, but they cleared up the acne like magic. I can't find any research online now that recommends sulphur taken orally, but I know it worked for me.

I don't consider the sex drive a problem. I have a moderate sex drive; I'm just not attracted to other people. I can only feel attraction to someone else if they are also attracted to me. It's the feeling of being wanted, rather than looks or personality, that's the main turn-on for me. That's why I've been largely asexual lately.