Actually communicating interest to someone?

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Aspiestar924
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30 Jul 2011, 12:35 pm

This is a now generic topic, due to the fact I asked this question earlier with regard to a specific person of interest but I want to just know in general for future and everyone.

How do NTs show someone they're infatuated with that they're interested in them? I'm guessing they pluck up the courage to say 'I love you' or praise their object of interest etc at some point or is there more to it than that?


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hartzofspace
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30 Jul 2011, 12:49 pm

In my opinion, never tell a perfect stranger that you love them. With Aspies, we are being honest. With NTs, you are a potential stalker! :D Anyway, the usual thing to do is compliment the person about something. Next time you see them, ask if they would like to go for coffee or something like that. If the person accepts, they are at least not averse to sitting across a table from you and talking. This does not mean that they feel the same way, but you at least know that you might stand a chance. If they accept a coffee date, try not to stay longer than half an hour. Then ask if they'd like to go see a movie or go out for dinner one evening. But never talk about how you feel too soon. It scares people off.


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Aspiestar924
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30 Jul 2011, 1:13 pm

:) Thanks.

I've picked up that you can't tell someone too soon (sorry for not making this clear) but when you think some level of close friendship has been established and there appears to be some level of romantic attraction on both parts, would that be when it's OK to perhaps tell someone you love them or perhaps compliment them and express love and admiration in an indirect way?


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'Who threw the first stone spear? It wasn't the social type people chatting around the campfire. It was the Asperger's.'
-Temple Grandin

Your Aspie score: 193 of 200
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tomtoyou
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04 Aug 2011, 9:38 pm

> haven't the slightest
> usually just fall into their arms, or onto their shoulders at some point



hartzofspace
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05 Aug 2011, 11:59 am

Aspiestar924 wrote:
:) Thanks.

I've picked up that you can't tell someone too soon (sorry for not making this clear) but when you think some level of close friendship has been established and there appears to be some level of romantic attraction on both parts, would that be when it's OK to perhaps tell someone you love them or perhaps compliment them and express love and admiration in an indirect way?

The more indirect, the better. At least until you know for sure that they have a great deal of affection for you! Love is a very loaded word. I think there was a thread about that several weeks ago. It makes most people feel very uncomfortable; especially if they don't have the same level of feelings for you that you have for them. For myself, if someone said that they loved me too soon I would tend to doubt them and think that they were being manipulative. But that is just my way of seeing it.


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gtw1983
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05 Aug 2011, 4:39 pm

Aspiestar924 wrote:
:) Thanks.

I've picked up that you can't tell someone too soon (sorry for not making this clear) but when you think some level of close friendship has been established and there appears to be some level of romantic attraction on both parts, would that be when it's OK to perhaps tell someone you love them or perhaps compliment them and express love and admiration in an indirect way?


To be honest I don't think you should actually tell someone you 'Love them' until after you've been a couple for a little while.

As you said people would be creeped out if you told them you loved them soon after meeting them.But I also think many would still be taken back if you said it before you even become an official couple,having only went on a few dates.I've made this mistake before and learned from it.I've found NT's tend to use 'I love you' much more in serious developed relationships and with family members.

If you really like this person I think a big smile (with prolonged eye contact) and saying something like "I really like you" would get the point across pretty effectively.