Help a NT guy win the heart of an AS girl!

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Hi guys I am new on the board.

I have done some search before I post this topic but I have not found the answer (more like suggestion and guideline) that answer my question specifically.

I am a NT guy, Senior in college. About 3~4month ago I was introduced to a very lovely freshmen girl. I was captured by her unique personality and our common interest in western philosophy, western History, and love for opera and play. On top of that we are both from the same country, studying aboard in the US nearly 10,000 miles away from home.

As with any good "hunt", I ask my friends about her, all of them describe her being awkward in social situation. Doesn't look people in the eye when she talk, and many other AS sign. At the time I did not know what AS is nor did I think too much about these opinions.

However after I start approaching her with how I approach NT girl do I notice that what I am doing will never win her heart. Recently during a conversation with my uncle, I describe this girl to him, he immediately suggested that she might be an AS. This is when I start doing some research into AS.

I am quite certain that she has AS, but knowing our culture, she is unlikely to have been diagnosed.

I have been reading up a lot on the internet about dating an AS, but I have yet to find anything that is in my situation, ie: NT guy AS girl. Can you guys help me out!?

Thanks in advance!

Your grammar is surprising good. So, where do you come to the U.S. from?

Here's some tips: Patience, patience, patience, And try to hang out with her.

People on the autism spectrum rarely take the first step in any relationship, even if inside they are dying to. My mum used to say I always made friends with our neighbors the day we were moving to a new house. Something about leaving gave me the courage to step out of my 'box', as there was no fear of embarrassment .. I'd be long gone in the near future if I'd made a fool of myself.

Trust and respect are big things for me. I tend to agree with N's post above me; Patients and trying to be her friend first. I doubt I'd date anyone I wasn't first friends with, it's more comfortable to have a foundation under my feet.

Sounds like you have a lot going for you though... take her to a play or the opera if either are an option for you in your area. Tell her upfront you want to go as friends, this is less pressure. See where it leads, but keep in mind that her 'show' of interest back to you will most likely be drastically less then an NT. Not all of us show our emotions, but that doesn't mean we don't feel them strongly inside. Best of luck to you.

Just be a NT guy.

Yeah, I agree with above poster that you should be more upfront about wanting to do stuff with her than you might usually be. In my experience, Aspies like things straightforward. See if she wants to spend time with you.

Just don't freak her out.

The way to a girl's heart is through her ribcage.

My advice would be try to find out how she thinks. Aspies tend to think very differently from NTs & it can cause lots of problems. Knowing how she may think could help avoid communication & other issues. Us Aspies tend to think kind of literally & we can be horrible at understanding subtly. We can also be extremely shy & uncomfortable around others. Try to take things slow & make the friendship the priority & keep in mind that hints, flirtation ect may not work well.

Thank you guys for the replies! I will try to be as straight forward with her as possible! and hopefully try to build her trust in the process! Patient and time is something I definitely have!

thanks once again guys!

btw, I am Taiwanese.

Is there any autism in Taiwan. I was in Nepal not long ago and there isn't autism there.

Really!? I am quote certain there are Autism and AS in all nation and race it just depend on if they are diagnosed or not.

Maybe there's no awareness there

Don't confuse yourself with all those analysis and answers above.

As I said, just be a typical NT guy....

I'm an AS women happily married to an NT. A friend introduced us, but we got to know each other via email. If you ask her out in person, she might panic and automatically say no. If you ask via email, she will be able to think about it and figure out what she wants before answering. Be completely open and honest.

Congratulations for noticing that. Not many men do.
In fact, most 'techniques' come across as puzzling, confusing or even mildly amusing ( if actually noticed ).

Talk to her, get to know her. Definitely be a friend, as a fellow human with common ground.
Be straight, truthful and trustworthy. And use your shared interests to suggest ways to have fun together. She might appreciate your viewpoint on understanding cultural differences.

Don't expect games or look for female subtleties, and if you try to read between the lines, you may find yourself inventing things which do not exist. Don't ignore what she says and imagine what she means - listen to what she actually says. And don't expect her to guess anything.

When it comes to facial expressions and responses, I have found that other people tend to over-emphasise the meaning of happy expressions and almost completely ignore or dismiss signs of distress, as if they are unimportant. That makes people hard to trust.

A thought: Don't explicitly tell her that you want to be her 'friend', she will probably take you at your word, and if you make a romantic move in the future, she may then feel deceived and reject you.
Just be her friend - there is a difference. Let anything else develop naturally.

That's so cool. I've gotten to know my current girlfriend through email and mainly, instant messenger. I'm AS and AD/HD. She's AD/HD only.

The NT's are using this place as a pickup guide to aspergers girls because none of the NT women will blink at them.