Aspergers vs ADD

Post Reply New Topic

Hey there >:} I appear to have a huge problem. As much as I adore my boyfriend (Aspie) I can't ignore the fact that he looks down his nose at me and considers me to be his intellectual inferior. At various times in our relationship he has suggested that I consider becoming a manual worker as apparently I am not 'academic'.
I find this highly offensive and completely insensitive as I am not thick. However, I understand why he thinks I am a brain dead, glue sniffing moron because I have no short term memory and forget things almost instantly. I have studied many different things and read so much and understood it all ... the only real difference between him and I is that he has the ability to store that information and I do not (Thank you very much ADD).
I have a very extreme form of ADD (inattentive).
Exams are also a nightmare and I am dreading my results next week as I am guaranteed to fail and it will only serve to reaffirm my boyfriend's belief that I should indeed give up on education and work in a factory knitting Shreddies for all eternity.
Is it generally the attitude of people with Asperger's that all NT's are thick or is it just my boyfriend?

Please advise; am at my wits end >:}

HRH Swan

I am like this with my brother (he is possible aspie and bipolar)
He treats everybody like they are inferior to him and he is the best thing since sliced bread. He even treats my parents like that and even puts them down too.

One thing you must realize is that he is an aspie, he may never change. I know I have had people break up with me because they realized I always talk about computers and will never shut up about them, chances are, your boyfriend will never stop seeing you as his intellectual inferior, it is just the way he is.

Sorry to put it so bluntly, but it is the only answer I can think of.
If you need any support or just want to talk, just contact me, I am usually free to talk.

Some might be of that opinion. but certainly not all.

I am largely an ADDer meeself...I have alot of AS traits, but i am of relatively average intelligence.

I am often made to feel intellectually inferior by some people here and there because I am not always able to articulate my intelligance...

lucky he is to have AS and not ADD??

You shouldn't have to put up with that sort of treatment.

Sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms that you don't like being referred to in that way and that you won't be accepting it from him, or from anyone else.

Face it; if he's your boyfriend then there's a chance that one or both of you are considering spending your lives together. You need mutual respect or it won't work at all.

ok

You sound very similar to me... though I am an aspie.
But I'm also very inattentive and I hate routine stuff and paperwork.. I used to ignore my tax returns because they would involve boringness, even though I knew I would get money back.. luckily it is automatically processed for me now by the government .

I feel I have a different way of thinking to most aspies... I think it is to do with my personality type: ENFP.

http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Myers-Brig ... cator/ENFP

Why are you in a relationship with someone who apparently has such a low opinion of you? He should be respectful of your differences instead of using them as an opportunity to put you down. Is he usually tolerable when he's not in one of his "You're not an intellectual like me!" rants? Aspie or not, you should explain to him how you dislike that attitude.

In response to NeantHuman. My boyfriend is not abusive and when he says that I am not academic he does not say it with malice; he says it in an absent minded way that he has. He does not realise that what he is saying is extremely offensive and I shall no doubt tell him that it is in due course.
In fact, he is a truly remarkable person and is extremely loving (when he's not totally obsessed with football, but that's ok because it's growing on me).

Just thought I would clear up that misunderstanding; thank you for your response anyway.

HRH Swan.

Cyberman, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter and thank you whole heartedly for responding. It is interesting to me that you think my boyfriend should feel lucky to have a girlfriend who doesn't reject him and his aspie traits. I think that anybody with a really understanding personality and open mind could have an aspie boyfriend and be as disgustingly smug and happy as I am.
I do hope you see Asperger's as a gift not a curse because it's upsetting that anyone could see the 'condition' in a negative light.

HRH Swan

People who know me fairly well say I'm one of the least judgmental people they know. People who don't know me well think I'm conceited and snobby. As for what I think, I'm very confident and happy with myself but I don't feel like I look down on everyone. If I do it isn't for intellectual reasons.

I have a friend who's boyfriend does the same thing, only he looks down on her because she is sexually experienced. She's tried telling him it makes her feel bad, just not talking about it at all, stuff like that. He seems to just do it anyway. Since your bf is AS, I would just be really straightforward with him...bring it up after he makes one of his comments. Say how it makes you feel, etc. Sometimes I feel like my intellect is the main thing I have going for me and if it's insulted I get offended. If he has other people in his life that do this to him, that may be why he does this to you.

OP is it possible that he is not aware that he is putting you down & making you feel bad about things Some people think I'm extremely judgmental & very rude ect when I'm just trying to be helpful but things I say get misinterpreted. I'm NOT saying that's what's going on with that guy but some Aspie like me can have major communication issues with NTs. Suggesting that someone who has ADHD get a manual job instead of focusing on academics seems like it mite could be practical/logical advice. For the record I have Aspergers & I also have bad ADHD & i did horrible in school