A bridesmaid without a date. Bad?

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I am going to be a bridesmaid next year. The only part that worries me is the dress, hair, and makeup. I dislike the way it feels to be over "iced", and I am awkward in dresses. However, I am fine in heels, and I think with practice I will be fine in the dress.

Shortly after I agreed to do it, my mother and some other females asked me who I was going to take as my date. I told them no one, and they expressed that was awful and that I should find someone to take. After I expressed that I do not like anyone and will certainly not ask one of the two people I know who like me (they might mistake it for something meaningful, therefore it would be cruel), they began going on about how bad it would look. They never actually explained why it would be so awful. It was one of those "It's just so bad." - "Why?" - "Because! It like, is just so bad!" things.

Anyway, I found it very amusing for some reason. I asked some other people, mostly females, and most seemed to agree that it was bad.

I figured it is a problem to so many people because weddings remind single people of their lack of a partner and forces them to watch two people who are at least supposedly in love and committed; therefore, not having a date makes them feel more pathetic than usual. I suppose it is worse for a bridesmaid because she is the peer of the bride...?

I did not feel badly before other people brought up this “problem”, and I still don’t. At first, I thought this was a non-aspie and aspie difference, but now I wonder if it is yet another other females and me difference. Based on the few other females aspies I know and what I have read, I suspect I am far less emotional and feminine than most.

I am curious about what other aspies think of this- specifically what other female aspies think. I am familiar with non-autistic females and their ways, but I am less familiar with female aspies other than myself. I wonder if most female aspies think this is awful and would search for a date or feel depressed if they were in my situation.

I personally dont feel the need for a date if i am a bridesmaid. I was a bridesmaid when I was about 19 and I was single, I had a great time at the wedding drinking wine and observing everything, the attitude of those women you talk about is strange, it can actually be quite fun being single, it is not a sad state which should inspire pity but a state of freedom and a chance to do the things you want to do.

I don´t think there´s a problem with going as a bridesmaid without a date.

However I did find one problem, the wedding is not due until next year yet apparently you have already settled your mind on going alone to it. I understand the not wanting to give the wrong idea to those that you dont like but who says you are not going to find someone else before the wedding.

I dont know why is it bad since it seems to be a female thing and as a male I dont have a clue about the girl code. Having said this you should just do whatever you want without caring for other people opinions: if you want to go alone to the wedding you should just do it no matter what your mother-someone else says

Tell them to piss off. OK, maybe not really, Just joking
But seriously, I HATE how weddings have become. It's the "BRIDE'S day" (instead of the couple's day), it's more of a SHOW than a meaningful event. There's all these BS etiquette issues that are without meaning- all pomp and circumstance. It's a freaking nightmare. Tell them to get over themselves and to mind their own business. If the bride gets all diva about it (demanding you do what she say and bring a date) tell her you have better things to do than to play lady-in-waiting to "Her Highness" and do something else that day.

That's just me though. I HATE the ridiculousness that is the modern wedding fiasco. That's why I insisted my husband and I elope. We let people know, some made it others didn't. Whatever. It was our day. It was about us. It was over in 15 minutes and we had a nice small dinner (which my husband insisted on. I was all for not having one at all).

BUT, if you REALLY feel like you are committing some kind of etiquette sin by not bringing a date- just bring any male. Or Heck- have fun with it- bring anyone that is SOOOO NOT a date. Bring someone they would never expect. Bring a WOMAN. Or someone younger than you. Or someone ridiculously older (an old woman would be AWESOME ) Or some relative. Or a gay friend if you have one There's no way your guest would infer something unintended (most likely, especially if you tell them) and the wedding nazis can't complain you didn't bring someone (because the only reason I can think for them being put out is if they paid for food for your "date" and now there isn't one.)

Honestly I think it is extremely bad form to not expect one to RSVP a guest for something like this. Meaning, they should have sent you an invite, asking if you are able to attend and if you are bringing a "guest" (date is terribly presumptuous IMO). I think harassing someone about bringing a date is horribly tacky. Which is why I'd opt for telling them to shove it or bringing Claude, your FANTASTIC gay buddy (LOL, but I guess not everyone has gay buddies. Maybe just the people I know But you get the idea)

BTW, it seems we are birds of a feather. We're female aspies, we don't get other females in particular, AND we both have quoted Dr. Sheldon Cooper in our sigs
Awesome.

I did not think about this before... I should note, I have already decided I do not want to take anyone to the wedding because I only take "dates" to events at which I know very few people. The bride is an old friend, I have not known the groom long but already consider him a friend, I like the bride's family, I share acquaintances with the bride, and anyone I would have asked to go with me as a friend just so I would have someone to associate with is going to be there anyway.
At this time, I am not looking for anyone to form a relationship with as I am too busy, and I already know someone I would pursue if I was not busy and more concerned with settling down with someone.

Gigi830, I am not worried about committing etiquette sin. haha I just find the things that bother other people interesting and was curious as to how other aspie females thought about this subject. The wedding itself should be fine as far as wedding go. The bride is an old friend, and she is not one of the persons worried about my lack of a date. I would not agree to be a bridesmaid for most other people, and most other people would probably never ask me.

Ah, Sheldon. The bride and her brother are actually the reason I now quote Sheldon so much. Shortly after "The Big Bang Theory" premiered, they started noting similarities between myself and the character.

Maybe there will be a single groomsman at the wedding that you could associate with OP. Bridesmaids & groomsman sometimes get paired-off if they don't have dates.

I haven't heard anything about bridesmaids and groomsmen needing dates.

I thought the whole point of being a bridesmaid was to attract new guys.

No. You do not have to be single to be a bridesmaid. A bridesmaid has two purposes as far as I can tell:
-You help the bride get ready, hold her dress up if it is going to get dirty, grab her a drink if she thirsty, that sort of stuff. You are like a "lady-in-waiting"
-It has become an honor thing now. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid is like saying you favor them in some way. Except for "Bridezillas", who seem to think them more Bridesmaids the better. They seem to get competitive with other women ("who can get the most?! AHA! I'm better than them!") or sometimes with choose a # based on how many groomsmen there are (so it's the same). Lucky for the OP it sounds like this bride is a reasonable person. Not a diva looking for "Her" day as a Princess.

I know back in the day, The Maid of Honor was supposed to be a happily married woman (Matron of Honor) because they thought it was good luck. Now it just means it's the person you favor most (AND who has time to fulfill stuff like organizing your shower, picking up the dry-cleaned dress, PA kind of stuff).

Just remembered another modern use for Bridesmaids. They are used to make the Bride look good. This is where the origin of the HORRID bridesmaid dress comes from. They like to dress them as unflattering as possible (but cute enough so as not to ruin the aesthetic of the wedding.
I think that is just horrible. Not every bride does this (I certainly didn't) but apparently a lot do. But, again, it sounds like this bride is a nice person So the OP doesn't need to worry.

OP: I'd just ignore the busy-bodies getting their panties in a twist over this. Let them get all weird about it. Just enjoy your role and the party. Have a GREAT time and show them that not every woman needs an escort to have a good time. SOME people are just fine by themselves. And be thankful you do not have a Bridezilla in your friend

And don't they call bridesmaids "attendants" these days?