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Rejected by eHarmony dating site? (Poll)

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Were you rejected by eHarmony?
I never applied to eHarmony 56%  56%  [ 50 ]
Yes, they rejected me 21%  21%  [ 19 ]
No, they accepted me 22%  22%  [ 20 ]
Total votes : 89

ThomasL
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11 Dec 2010, 3:12 am

Has anyone else been rejected by the eHarmony dating site?

They ask you a whole bunch of questions to determine if you're suitable to meet people on their site. I'm pretty sure their questionnaire is designed to weed out people on the spectrum, or introverts in general.

Isn't this discrimination? Who are they to judge that a whole segment of the population is unworthy of love and happiness?

Or is it simply the truth that some of us are doomed to live the rest of our lives alone, or at least with the kind of intimacy that most people take for granted?

Would love to hear your thoughts... please comment.



hale_bopp
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11 Dec 2010, 3:25 am

don't go to beautifulpeople.com then...



Todesking
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11 Dec 2010, 3:31 am

hey, even hitler had a girlfriend.


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nostromo
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11 Dec 2010, 3:41 am

hale_bopp wrote:
don't go to beautifulpeople.com then...

Of course I went there to have a look. Sigh, it takes all types I guess to make a world, the vacuous included.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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11 Dec 2010, 4:02 am

I think their model is to take the easiest matches and drop the even slightly difficult ones, in order to keep their "80% successful" (or whatever it is) reputation going.

So, I wouldn't take eHarmony's philosophy as God's Will or fate or whatever. It's just their ethos (and business model) to focus on the 'super-normal' people and not on others. (Personally, I don't think I could manage with someone who doesn't have a least a few hardships in common with me, anyway.)

I remember seeing once site set up specifically for "eHarmony rejects" to gripe about eHarmony. Some people even re-signed up with fake names and tried to figure out which answers to which questions would eliminate a person (like does being an atheist automatically cause rejection?). I can't remember the details, but I remember it was kind of interesting.



ThomasL
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11 Dec 2010, 4:03 am

hale_bopp wrote:
don't go to beautifulpeople.com then...


Why? What do they do, reject the ugly? And what does that have to do with being rejected based on autistic traits?



ThomasL
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11 Dec 2010, 4:08 am

Todesking wrote:
hey, even hitler had a girlfriend.


That's not surprising at all - it would be surprising if he didn't have a girlfriend. As they say, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

From what I read, most women and girls in Germany at the time were in love with Hitler. (Ever seen pics of pre-war Nazi party rallies? The crowds looked ecstatic, none more so than the girls).

Same thing was true for Mao in China... and probably for every other popular dictator.



Kaybee
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11 Dec 2010, 4:12 am

My friend was rejected. I don't think he is an Aspie, though--just very introverted and misanthropic.


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Nostromos
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11 Dec 2010, 4:12 am

Quote:
Isn't this discrimination? Who are they to judge that a whole segment of the population is unworthy of love and happiness?

Or is it simply the truth that some of us are doomed to live the rest of our lives alone, or at least with the kind of intimacy that most people take for granted?


Dude, don't go down that road. Just don't. There's nothing there but brambles and quicksand and madness and even worse, pigs will be eager to unload their hostility and indifference on you.

I don't know what will work for you. Don't stop trying to get what you need.



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11 Dec 2010, 11:15 am

i remember reading that eHarmony commonly rejects atheists, homosexual people, and anyone who has a potentially problematic personality to match because it is a rare combination of traits. according to eHarmonyblog.com (link here), these are some common reasons for rejection (although i don't know how scientific their results are):

Quote:
Reason #1. You said you are separated or married on page 1. 30% of eHarmony rejects fall into this category, according to a May 2007 article in the Washington Post.

Reason #2. You said you are below 20 on page 1. 27% percent fall into this category.

Reason #3. You said you were married more than twice on page 1.1 “EHarmony also rejects anyone younger than 60 who’s been married more than four times,” according to the Washington Post article.

Reason #4. Your answers don’t tally, i.e., (a) you clicked randomly or (b) for example, you put “1″ under Aloof on page 1, but checked “Outgoing” on page 6. 9% of rejects fall into this category.

Reason #5. You scored low on the following traits — eHarmony calls them dimensions:

* Self-Concept (how you perceive yourself)
* Emotional Status (feeling happy, fulfilled and hopeful)
* Character (honesty and trustworthiness)
* Obstreperousness (the black hole dimension)
* Character (honesty and trustworthiness)2
* Emotion Management: Anger (expressing negative emotions constructively)
* Conflict Resolution (resolving issues).
* Family Background (happy childhood and supportiveness of your parents)

the blog authors also note:

Quote:
The cursed test still lets you go through all questions even if it knows on page 1 that it will reject you. And, look, it even has the irony to say, “If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.”


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Grisha
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11 Dec 2010, 11:28 am

It's just like dating, this one didn't work out.

NEXT!...

Try OK Cupid (it's free) and for some reason I've had pretty good luck with Match.com (probably because of the volume)

Also, don't just post a profile and wait for the metaphorical phone to ring, you have to work it, especially if you're a guy..

Greg



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11 Dec 2010, 6:40 pm

Yeah, I filled the questionnaire out once and was rejected. 1 out of every 5 people get rejected so it's common to get rejected. From what I read, eharmony is more of a christian orientated site whose goals is to get mid to older age adults married. It also filters out people with any sort of problems whether they are emotional or mental. Their goal is to get the perfect couples married and they would rather reject people with issues so they don't have any bad or flawed matches. The site really isn't worth it anyways because of the cost and there are plenty of other sites that don't cost anything if your into that sort of thing.


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hale_bopp
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11 Dec 2010, 8:22 pm

e-harmony sounds wishy washy and illogical.



greenturtle74
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11 Dec 2010, 9:02 pm

I registered for Compatible Partners, which is eHarmony's alternative lifestyles site. This was about a year and a half ago. There wasn't much of anybody there, so I didn't stay long and deleted my profile.

I've been on OKCupid since then, and I like the concept, but it seems like new people never join.

Recently I signed up for Zoosk, and so far it's unimpressive.



Mike_the_EE
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11 Dec 2010, 10:34 pm

I was accepted by e-harmony, but it didn't work very well. I think that the AS messed up the matching algorithm. The matches were awful. Usually, both of us ended it immediately. Joined for 4 months and not one date. This was several years ago, however.


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fluffypinkyellow
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11 Dec 2010, 11:06 pm

It's just one site. They're not saying you're unworthy of love and happiness, they're just saying that that particular site is not suitable for you. It's so easy to take these things personally.