What's the point if it doesn't last forever?

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foreveryoung
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30 Jul 2010, 11:28 pm

My band just broke up...and it didn't surprise me. The drummer had an ego problem and was unwilling to compromise...mind you he's a 50 year old man too, acting like a teenager.

It got me thinking about relationships, and how hurt I was when I dated the girl I talk about on here for a month, hung out with her for another few months, then she wanted nothing to do with me, for no good reason at all other than she got bored of me and had problems with minute details about me.

If that's how I react after a month long relationship (that wasn't even an official bf/gf relationship), what's going to happen when I'm with a woman for 2 years and she decides she's had enough?

So I guess I'm wondering what the point of dating is, if people are just going to turn on each other anyway?

Personally, it would take a lot for me to want to break up with a woman...because I wouldn't be dating her in the first place if we were that different.



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31 Jul 2010, 12:20 am

Not everyone breaks up but most people will be in a few break ups before they find someone they are compatible with.

I'd have to agree with Shakespeare that it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all..



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31 Jul 2010, 12:46 am

"What's the point if it doesn't last forever?"

It's fun? I get to meet new people and learn from them. Break ups can hurt like hell, but for me, the relationships I've had were still worth it.



Adam82
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31 Jul 2010, 1:01 am

Ambrose_Rotten wrote:
"What's the point if it doesn't last forever?"

It's fun? I get to meet new people and learn from them. Break ups can hurt like hell, but for me, the relationships I've had were still worth it.


But I don't think it is fun. I haven't had a GF at all yet. But I just don't see any point in it if it doesn't last forever. Why bother? Relationships are far from 'fun' to me. I take them very seriously. Most NTs can just enjoy the dating process (going out for coffee, etc), and take it as it comes, but I can't. I'm always looking at the big picture: 'Is this the right one for me?'

I'd get a g/f, or get married, if I knew for sure I wouldn't get divorced. I don't think I could take the pain.



Adam82
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31 Jul 2010, 1:02 am

Chronos wrote:
Not everyone breaks up but most people will be in a few break ups before they find someone they are compatible with.

I'd have to agree with Shakespeare that it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all..


I'd rather just avoid the dating process altogether, and wait for the right one for me to come along, than go through all that.

I don't agree with Shakespeare. I'd rather live alone my whole life, than have someone and then lose her.



Rhapsody
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31 Jul 2010, 1:54 am

That's like saying: what's the point in living if we're all going to die eventually? The point is that nothing lasts forever, except perhaps plastic. Relationships will never last forever, people will never last forever. You have to enjoy it while you have a chance and not to worry about how long it is going to last for.



JLee50
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31 Jul 2010, 2:23 am

Adam82 wrote:
Ambrose_Rotten wrote:
"What's the point if it doesn't last forever?"

It's fun? I get to meet new people and learn from them. Break ups can hurt like hell, but for me, the relationships I've had were still worth it.


But I don't think it is fun. I haven't had a GF at all yet. But I just don't see any point in it if it doesn't last forever. Why bother? Relationships are far from 'fun' to me. I take them very seriously. Most NTs can just enjoy the dating process (going out for coffee, etc), and take it as it comes, but I can't. I'm always looking at the big picture: 'Is this the right one for me?'

I'd get a g/f, or get married, if I knew for sure I wouldn't get divorced. I don't think I could take the pain.


How are you going to know for sure that you have "the right one" if you never go out with anyone long enough to really know them?



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31 Jul 2010, 5:00 am

Adam82 wrote:
Ambrose_Rotten wrote:
"What's the point if it doesn't last forever?"

It's fun? I get to meet new people and learn from them. Break ups can hurt like hell, but for me, the relationships I've had were still worth it.


But I don't think it is fun. I haven't had a GF at all yet. But I just don't see any point in it if it doesn't last forever. Why bother? Relationships are far from 'fun' to me. I take them very seriously. Most NTs can just enjoy the dating process (going out for coffee, etc), and take it as it comes, but I can't. I'm always looking at the big picture: 'Is this the right one for me?'

I'd get a g/f, or get married, if I knew for sure I wouldn't get divorced. I don't think I could take the pain.


Why would you want it to last forever if relationships are not fun for you?

Nothing lasts forever. You should be doing what makes you happy. If relationships are not it then do something else.

But you would need to actually have a relationship before you would actually know if it was right for you.

How can anyone be right for if you don't like going for coffee or something with them.


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CrinklyCrustacean
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31 Jul 2010, 5:42 am

BigK wrote:
Why would you want it to last forever if relationships are not fun for you?

He doesn't see dating as something casual - if he's dating a girl that means he's considering her as a potential girlfriend, and this is the sole purpose of every date they go on. He's noticed that although other people also date, they are less concerned about a potential relationship and are happy to enjoy the dating for its own sake.



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31 Jul 2010, 6:24 am

From a purely pragmatic point of view it's educational. You learn about relationships and what you want and what you don't want. You learn how to compromise, how to conduct yourself in a relationship and how to cope with ups and downs. If you learn these things before you meet The One, you will have a far better chance of sustaining a lasting relationship with her because you will have learned from hard experience what works and what doesn't.

I didn't marry my first boyfriend. My husband didn't marry his first girlfriend. Both of us learned from the failures of our prior relationships what works and what doesn't.

The failed relationship is school.



foreveryoung
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31 Jul 2010, 8:20 am

The important thing to realize is that there are people involved with dating. We aren't non-living objects. How are we expected to build a connection with someone, develop feelings for them, then turn off those feelings just because the person found out we have a quirk or two they don't like?



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31 Jul 2010, 8:46 am

This is what I've told myself my entire life. I thought couples in high school were the most ridiculous thing. I didn't understand how they couldn't see that what they were doing was probably pointless. If I didn't marry the girl I was dating, I would feel like all the money, time, and emotional energy spent on her would be a complete waste. So I told myself, I'd just wait until I could do it right the first time.

The thing is, I've had a revelation recently, that getting it right the first time is probably extremely unrealistic. I would still like for that to happen, but the concept of dating while you're younger now makes sense to me, at least. I've gone 25 years without having learned a thing about how this works, and now I wish I had at least tried while I was a few years younger.



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31 Jul 2010, 11:12 am

DonDud wrote:
This is what I've told myself my entire life. I thought couples in high school were the most ridiculous thing. I didn't understand how they couldn't see that what they were doing was probably pointless. If I didn't marry the girl I was dating, I would feel like all the money, time, and emotional energy spent on her would be a complete waste. So I told myself, I'd just wait until I could do it right the first time.

The thing is, I've had a revelation recently, that getting it right the first time is probably extremely unrealistic. I would still like for that to happen, but the concept of dating while you're younger now makes sense to me, at least. I've gone 25 years without having learned a thing about how this works, and now I wish I had at least tried while I was a few years younger.

Ditto on all of this. Thankfully, I am a few years younger. There's still time! (As there is for you as well.)


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31 Jul 2010, 12:03 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
My band just broke up...and it didn't surprise me. The drummer had an ego problem and was unwilling to compromise...mind you he's a 50 year old man too, acting like a teenager.

It got me thinking about relationships, and how hurt I was when I dated the girl I talk about on here for a month, hung out with her for another few months, then she wanted nothing to do with me, for no good reason at all other than she got bored of me and had problems with minute details about me.

If that's how I react after a month long relationship (that wasn't even an official bf/gf relationship), what's going to happen when I'm with a woman for 2 years and she decides she's had enough?

So I guess I'm wondering what the point of dating is, if people are just going to turn on each other anyway?

Personally, it would take a lot for me to want to break up with a woman...because I wouldn't be dating her in the first place if we were that different.


It sounds like a loss and some pain.
Pain is only an illusion in my opinion - it does not need to hurt people.
You are the main priority for who you should take care of. :)
You will find a very nice woman I am sure. :)
I wish you well, foreveryoung. :)
*Hug*


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31 Jul 2010, 2:31 pm

Chronos wrote:
I'd have to agree with Shakespeare that it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all..


sod shakespeare. that guy was nuts



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31 Jul 2010, 6:33 pm

Emotional pain is a part of life.
I would rather have fun with someone and treasure the good times.

People who say nothing lasts forever - yes and no. Energy can't be created or destroyed. It just gets changed. Esentually, everything lasts forever, but nothing stays the same.