Three things I need to stop doing. How to fix?

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I realize I have several different problems involving me and women, being roadblocks to even trying to get anywhere.

1. Putting women on a pedastool
2. madonna/whore complex
3. taking interest in girls who are really lonely and/or royally screwed up

Earlier this year, I got feelings for one girl and put her up on this big pedastool. Nervously asked her out, got shot down a couple times, and turns out she's got major problems anyway. Eating disorders, depression, drug issues. Recently I had a woman show interest in me, but she's married and with two kids - so I figure use her to get laid a couple of times and run off. But she got pissed when she wanted the whole nice guy feelings loser in me, so I ran off.

None of this stuff I'm doing is healthy, and wouldn't lead to a good relationship. So, what shall I do it to become less of a pathetic loser and be a good guy for some decent gal. Cause obviously these three things have gotten me nowhere.

try and spend more time with women so you can get used to them as people and relate to their struggles and view them as more like yourself and a mixture of positive and negative qualities.

think of some groups you could go to where there is lots of women so you can hang out and view them as people (good choices are yoga, art groups, psychology classes, pottery).

Sounds a lot like me really.

this small book might be helpful

Nice Guys Do Not Have to Finish Last: How to Find and Keep That Special Someone byJaime Metcalf
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nice-Guys-Have- ... 68&sr=1-23

and these too

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nice-Guys-Guide ... 615&sr=1-2

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nice-Guys-Guide ... 57&sr=1-38

Last edited by lotusblossom on 21 Aug 2010, 12:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Good advice from lotusblossom. Meeting and hanging out with actual real women will soon cure anyone of pedestalising them.

If you're going to put women on pedestals, wear stilts. Otherwise, just treat them like you'd like them to treat you.

well it sure seems to work. I cant think of any guy who hung out with me who didnt get disenchanted pretty quickly!

Sounds like great advice to me!


Bravo Celoneth!

Sometimes people say they put someone on a pedestal and that is really not true. I'm sure you think you do, but you screw around with married women too, so it all doesn't really jive. I agree that you should try to get to know women as people, not with the intention to have sex or date them. That is good advice. I also would recommend not getting involved with anyone with just sex in mind because a lot of times the other person does not see that, and it gets ugly. Maybe follow your instincts better- you knew better than to get involved with that married woman, but you did anyway. If that girl you "put on a pedestal" had come back telling you she would date you, would you have done it even though you knew she had some difficult issues? Don't do that any more. These are common sense issues, not a secret code or a magic trick. You can stop yourself from making these mistakes.

I never hooked up with the married woman.

As for the other girl, I liked her a lot. But was too scared to talk to her. I thought of her as this great thing to pursue, and never got to know her all that well. Only afterwards did I find these things out. I'm not happy with this sort of reaction, where I just fall for a pretty face and eventually work my way to asking out - without knowing much anything first. Would be a setup for massive disappoint.