Definition of a date?

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A young female Aspie I know (19, going on 20) really wants to try going to a nightclub for the first time, so the other day I offered to take her along and to make sure she gets the bus home, nobody harasses her, be there if she has a sensory overload attack, show her a good time, etc. She accepted my offer and her mother approved too. I'm not intending or expecting any romance at all, but I'm looking forward to having some fun and enjoying her company and being her bodyguard.

Anyway, I was talking to a very close friend on the phone last night, a middle-aged female Aspie, and she was horrified when I referred to my upcoming expedition as a "date"! We ended up arguing for half an hour over what actually constituted a date, and neither of us could come to any agreement. Both my friend and I are neurotic, easily stressed people, and it really was one of the more stressful telephone conversations I've had lately, because we both got our wires so crossed and our words mixed up. Aaargh!

In my view, a "date" is simply when a man and a woman agree to meet up for the purpose of some socialising with each other. There doesn't necessarily have to be romance or sex or attraction involved, in my opinion. Yet my friend and her husband think a "date" can only occur when the two parties are romantically interested in each other and at which physical intimacy is expected.

I asked two NT guys who live in my block of flats what their definition of a date was, and their definitions closely matched mine. Hmmm.

So, folks, what do you think a date is? I think it could be one of those "how long is a piece of string" issues.

Cheers,
BT

heh heh, you ought to have added a "poll" to this one lol

I'm "sitting on the fence" imho it's in between the two definitions offered up by bt1978. But it's all semantics really as in which words you choose to use.

"In my view, a "date" is simply when a man and a woman agree to meet up for the purpose of some socialising with each other. There doesn't necessarily have to be romance or sex or attraction involved, in my opinion."

I would call this two friends meeting up, not a date.

"Yet my friend and her husband think a "date" can only occur when the two parties are romantically interested in each other and at which physical intimacy is expected."

This definition is the other extreme! Both parties romantically interested and physical intimacy expected YIKES! Gee that's a lot of pressure to be under!

Anyway I will try to come up with my own definition, here I suppose it's when two people go out and there's a possibility of romantic interest, but also the possibility of friendship.

If further meetings are arranged the two possibilities continue until either party makes a decision to ask the other party which direction the relationship is heading of
at least three or more possibilities depending on what people prefer
eg not seeing the other party at all, more dating, friendship, lovers, and whatever appeals to both parties.

I think the definition of dating is also geographically variable.

My favourite date would happen to be March 19th.

Is it your birthday?

Because it's not too hot, so you only have to wear a light jacket...

bt1978, I think you could have a generational difference here. As in, your friend is middle aged, but your other friend and yourself are in your late teens/early twenties. (I'm guessing that you are a similar age to the friend whom you have the date with?) To people from your older friend's generation, young people would only be going out one-on-one if it was with romantic intentions. Now, relationships are a lot more casual, and you're more likely to have close but plantonic friendships btween people of opposite genders. So to her, the only possible reason a man and woman would go out together ('go on a date') might very well be with romance in mind, whereas to you, it's just two friends going out together (but still 'on a date').

I'd also like to draw people's attention to the term 'lunch date'. It's usually considered to have possible neutral implications.

I hope that was helpful.

Hi Louise,

I'm 28, and the girl I'm taking out clubbing later this week turns 20 next month. So there's an eight-and-a-bit year age difference.

Heh, this reminds me of a time when my middle-aged female Aspie friend of mine (45, married with two young adult sons) met up for some coffee, lunch and shopping for some books in the city centre. My friend was acting a little more neurotic than usual, then she blurted "Oh God, I hope that nobody here thinks that we're out on a DATE~!" I had to chuckle.

And no, I wouldn't have considered that meeting a date under my definition, because one party is happily married.

Your explanation seems to hold water, Louise. Heh, my friend is always saying stuff like "I'm old enough to be your mother" to me. I calculated that she would have been only 16 at the time I was conceived, and I remind her of that whenever she says that.

--BT