How is rejection doing the other person a favor?

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Sometimes when I try asking a woman out or telling her I like her; they reject me & act like they are doing me a favor by turning me down. I tried telling an NT friend I liked her the other day. In the processes of rejecting me she told me that she didn't want to date me because it would not be fair to me because the relationship would be one sided because she didn't like me in "that way". There wer a few other times in the past when women acted like they wer doing me a favor by turning me down. I do not understand how pretending to do me a favor by turning me down will help me be less upset about it. I seriously do NOT understand why people can not be upfront & honest when they reject someone

All I can figure is that by rejecting someone, you prevent leading them into thinking a relationship is possible.

Refusing to give me a ducking chance is NOT helping me

Most people don't like rejecting others, especially those they know and like as people, so they'll try to dress it up as nicely as possible. They don't want to say "I don't want to date you because the thought of your naked body disgusts me", or anything of the sort, because they care about your feelings. This is not being deceitful, on the contrary it is being sensitive. In particular they may want to give you the rejection talk in terms of your feelings rather than theirs - another line I got from someone once was "[you] deserve better than me anyway", blatantly insincere if you ask me but admittedly well-intentioned.

What is probably meant by rejection being a "favour" is that saying yes in their case would involve leading you on, and ultimately hurting you even more. That's not really helping you per se, just hurting you less, but comparatively speaking it sort of makes sense. Another way to look at it is that it might help you move on to someone else.

So you'd want to be in a relationship in which the other party was not interested in you?

I guess that makes sense but I think it would be more helpful if they gave me an actual rezone instead of pretending.





I believe women would like me if they gave me a chance. I'm giving up on relationships now thou cuz all this stuff is very confusing. I'm tired of all the stupid excuses & bull

It might help if you have a close friend or confidant who can tell you if you're doing anything wrong (or not doing something that you must do) that might be putting people off. If they honestly can't tell you anything, perhaps you're not doing anything wrong. So that would mean you're being rejected either for reasons that are trivial to most people, for no particular reason, or for reasons you can't control - then if the women who reject you were honest with you about why you're not who they're looking for, it generally wouldn't be helpful.

I think women are irrational. They tell me that I need to be myself & that I am a great person but they are never interested in me. It doesn't make sense cuz if I really was that great; they would be interested in me. They claim to want guys who are sensitive, romantic, affectionate & lots of other qualities I have but they turn me down & lust over guys who do not have any of the characteristics they claim to want & after they reject me they get upset when I am interested in other women. I can NOT deal with the ducking mind-games anymore because I'm getting a headache trying to understand their logic

Well, if you do the process in reverse, are there any women you know who you wouldn't be interested in? Imagine that they're good company, but you're just not attracted. How would you tell them? I got myself into a situation where I agreed to date someone I was not into, and I told her I wasn't interested in making a relationship out of it. But instead of it being a good thing, she ended up wanting to spend more and more time and it became appearant that she was not going to give up as long as she thought she had a chance. It sounds nice, but it just doesn't didn't work out and it really wasn't nice at all for anyone.

Maybe instead of showing dating interest, you could find a different context to let them know you in, because as soon as they know you're interested in taking things to the next level, people have a tendency to make a snap decision and stick with it.

I must not understand attraction because I am interested in most any women who is good company

This sounds like someone who has a very sweet personality and is trying to let you down easy because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. That may not make you feel any better, but I think that was her intent. Anyway, all this translates to is "No. I'm not interested."

After she said that she started apologizing to me & I said that it's OK cuz I get told that a lot witch is true cuz every single time I tried coming on to a woman friend they never had feelings for me. She started accusing me of trying to make her feel sorry for me witch I was not. We had a big argument & she said we shouldn't be friends anymore. She messaged me earlier today & she said she wanted to continue being my friend & she said that she did not want to argue about the other day. Then she started b!tching about how I really hurt her feelings. I told her I was sorry but I was not sure what I did cuz I honestly do not know what I did wrong. She then accused me of being mad at her & trying to start an argument with her. She's the one who got mad & started an argument & then accused me of it. She said she didn't want to be my friend anymore & then wanted to be my friend. She either has NO clue what she wants or she's playing mind-games

They say that because they know if they did get into a relationship they would end up hurting you a lot worse down the road.

Stop expecting people to give you a chance because they won't. Be the best damn person you can be, then the day will come when they want you to give THEM a chance.

What are you doing to become the best person you can be?

Its the only way to true happiness.

Sir, I mean this respectfully, and I don't mean to sound patronizing.

But you don't want a woman who's just giving you a chance. Trust me. You start off the relationship with the power differential already screwed up. She'll start wanting to take care of you. She won't be able to count on you to take care of her in the same way. She'll think of you like a child. She'll think of you like Peter Pan.

You want a woman who wants you. And no matter who you are, there is ALWAYS a woman who wants you. No buts. There are women who want Charlie Manson. The world's heaviest man recently got married. Terminally ill men regularly get married. People with full-body burn scars get married. Blind and deaf men get married. Nobody's beyond the pale.

Yes, it's hard. But she's doing you a favor by not doing you a favor. And she's doing herself a favor, too.

That's not to say that you can't win over women who you feel aren't in your league—maybe as friends, over a period of minutes or hours or days or weeks or months or years. But step one can't be her giving you a chance out of the goodness of her heart. You have to seduce her a little bit.

I went to dinner last night—not officially a date, but theoretically one-on-one dinner—with a woman who brought a male friend unexpectedly, I think to act as a buffer. (Yeah.) I was a good sport about it. On the way out of the restaurant, I ran into the first woman I ever dated—who never took me seriously as a prospective significant other, but did me a favor by dating me anyway. She's a good person and I'll never feel anything but love for her, but I wish she hadn't done me a favor. She would have been fine as a friend, but I honestly thought I had a chance with her. I didn't. If somebody has to give you a chance, you don't really have one.

Read Gabriel Garcia Marquez's "Love in the Time of Cholera," if you haven't already. Then make sure you don't live it. Don't settle for being tolerated. Seduce. Win over. Let somebody honest-to-God fall in love with you.


Cheers,

TH

I'm trying to grow as a person. Trying to figure things out about myself & understand things better. I'm also trying to figure out what to do with my life. I really want to do something more than staying home; a job would be great.
I'm DONE expecting people to give me a chance.





I wouldn't mind a woman wanting to take care of me & she mite realize that I can take care of her after a while. I'm like a kid in some ways. I have similar music & other interest & I wouldn't mind being with a woman who was the same way as me.



I think if they allowed themselves to give me a a chance they could see how great I am & they would want me.



It's no secret women are attracted to horrible guys. Maybe I don't get a chance cuz I'm a good person.



Maybe I should gain more weight or I could find another stupid way to be famous or in the world records.



I bet those guys are loaded.



I have a lot of acne scars & some scars on my arm but people think I look creepy.



I have some vision problems(very nearsighted & cant drive) but women see that as a limitation/disability & lots of guys with disabilities have problems finding women.



I understand that but women should not lie about pretending that I'm such a great guy when they don't think so.



1ce I'm in the friend zone that is all I will ever be. It totally sux having women coming to me to complain about how they cant find a good guy when they will not give me a chance & when I need to vent about being lonely or something; they are not there for me.



I never heard of that book before. I really appreciate the support I've been getting in this & other threads but I think it's time I give up. Wanting a relationship has caused me lots of grief. The drama has been getting to me & bringing me down for quite a while. I would have less headaches & frustration if I'm not interested in relationships cuz i won't be dealing with all those mind-games & inconsistency. I wouldn't be giving up on relationships if I could go to the planet Vulcan but this isn't StarTrek Maybe I could meet a Schizoid women somehow

Adjust your wardrobe to make yourself presentable. Get some semi-fashionable men's glasses. Focus on being able to survive on your own. Bang an escort to get that desperation off you. PROFIT!