Beginning a relationship with somebody who has a child?

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So I have been really good friends with this girl since we were about 12 years old. She got pregnant at 16 from her boyfriend of 3 years and he left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. Anyways now she has the child and she is about 2-3 months old now I think. Anyways I was wondering if it was appropriate to be in a relationship with her or ask her out etc. She has a boyfriend atm but I doubt it will last very long because they guy just seems pretty shady.

Anyways we are both 17 (Well she will be 17 in September) and was just wondering what your guys's opinion is... I mean I think I could help take care of the kid if we end up going out and it is like a long term thing but idk.

The first girl I officially dated did have a son (with AS even) who was currently under the care of her mother. It was a bit strange, but it didn't seem to phase me much at the time. However, I would not date someone who had a kid under their care. I don't like kids.

If you're in a position to devote much of your time, and you like kids, you might get it to work. If you're still going to school and plan to be a full time college student, you'll want to carefully consider how much time and effort a kid is going to require. I don't know first hand, but I can imagine it's not easy.

Also, I've learned that if you are having any doubts about a relationship, that's a signal that it's probably not what you want and you need to evaluate your situation and figure out whether or not to stay in it. You'll know when you're with the right person because there will be no doubts.

Relationships with people who have children (and especially when you don't) are complicated. If you don't like children as the PP states, it is best for everyone to stay away. The child will always be part of the person's life.

My husband has two children from a previous marriage. He has visitation and his ex-wife is very unstable so we wound up with the kids often. I can't begin to tell you how many fights this caused between us. You also have to bite your tongue and be very careful what you say with regards to their parenting.

Now, if you start the relationship with no illusions and you and the girl have a mutual respect relationship it can be a smashing success, but it will always be a lot more work than a relationship with someone without children.

Any potential relationship with a person who already has children, is a relationship not only with them, but with the children too. You have to be prepared to take on many of the roles of a father, without having the same connection to the children that their biological father would have. Also, you will have to respect the parenting methods of the person you're with, as you will have very little say in how the children should be brought up, as while you may be taking the place of a father in their lives, you are not the father. You will only gain the confidence of your partner in allowing you to take more responsibility, if you can show that you are very capable and caring for the children. You will need to respect the needs of the children from the outset, and be prepared to put your own needs aside, in deference to theirs.

Most importantly - should things go bad, and the relationship fall apart - unlike a breakup between two people without children, you will also be leaving the children, and you will have to consider the effects upon them. They will not have the same emotional maturity as another adult in dealing with what is happening, and you won't be leaving an ex to deal with just a breakup, but also leaving them responsible for getting their children through it too.

Do not do this lightly. You should let her know how you feel, and both of you will need to give it considerable time and consideration, before finally being able to say to yourselves that 'Yes. We can do this'.

If your interested in someone who already has a child your going to need to realize like any parent the child will always come first for that person - and your going to be spending a fair amount of time with the child as well.

If you can't handle the kid(s), don't even start a relationship. Don't even go there. Don't be more than friends. Ever. No matter HOW much you like her, even if you're crazy about her, even if she's super-hot, stay away. There is too much potential for getting hurt, both on your end and hers.

~Kate

I would never date a woman with kids. I don't want to be an automatic daddy, nor do I ever want kids of my own. At most, I'd hit it and quit it.

The only exception: Cougars, because they're older and thus expected to have kids by that point in their lives anyway. Bonus points if they've got money.

Amen to that! Single mothers are just looking for a sucker to pay the bills her stupid ass ran up. I already pay taxes to support kids that aren't mine why should I support another one?

Who cares if she gets hurt? Think about yourself first and foremost. Nobody's there to catch you when you fall.

Two words: Helll no!

WOW. That is so selfish and inconsiderate.

That is the bottom line here, Xenu. If you cannot place that child's well-being and future well ahead of your love life, just stay completely away.

While the "who cares" part may be somewhat inconsiderate, you have to remember that you're the best person to look out for yourself; others won't do a good job at it, if at all. That girl doesn't sound good at all: she sets off more red flags than the Soviet Union. Consider the following:

1. She got pregnant at age 16. At this day and age, there is no excuse for that: in most cities, students get educated about contraception in high school, and in some cases, even in middle school. By age 16, she should know better than to have unprotected sex. (Unless, of course, this was a genuine mishap, like the condom breaking.)
2. She went for the power and glamor of a "hot" guy, and ended up with a jerk who dumped her because she got pregnant. He clearly lacks the integrity to take responsibility for his actions. She, in turn, lacks the ability to distinguish between a good guy and someone who will just give her the Humpty Dumpty treatment (i.e. hump her, then dump her).
3. She found a new boyfriend who's just as shady and the old one. This means that she didn't learn her from being dumped after getting pregnant, and continues to make the same irresponsible decisions. This could easily endanger your physical safety, should the new boyfriend get the impression you're stealing his girl.

Start phasing yourself out of her life. The last thing you want is her sticking you with the responsibility of raising kids that aren't your own, while she continues to go out and have unprotected sex. Or worse, committing paternity fraud, because it doesn't seem out of character for her to do that. (Good thing we have the Maury show to help fight it.) She may have been a good friend to you when you were both 12, but as she got older, she got stupider instead of wiser, and made some bad decisions. I feel more sorry for her family than for her, and you have no obligation to stay with her, because of the person she became.

After reading the posts on here I decided it's best if I don't enter a relationship with her due to fear of if we broke up how it could affect her, our friendship, and her daughter.

I have known her since we 12 years old I know she isn't looking for somebody to pay the bills or something like that and also I CARE if she gets hurt because we are close friends.

She isn't a whore. She was with this guy for 2-3 years and she was on the pill and they used condoms. It was one of those freak mishaps where she got pregnant and her little douche of a boyfriend dumped her as soon as she told him she was pregnant and he went off immediately with some other girl.