Predictability and Change in relationships

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Tim_Tex
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20 Aug 2010, 8:57 am

How do you all deal with change or uncertainty in a relationship? Does anybody consider it reasonable to choose a partner based on the idea of predictability, and knowing what is going to happen every day?


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Ambrose_Rotten
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20 Aug 2010, 9:26 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
How do you all deal with change or uncertainty in a relationship? Does anybody consider it reasonable to choose a partner based on the idea of predictability, and knowing what is going to happen every day?


You can never know for sure what will happen. It's a good thing to make peace with this concept. That said; If someone carries a reputation for being reliably unreliable, it's better not to start a relationship with this individual (this is just my opinion - some people may like this kind of thing). :?

Change in a relationship: My current relationship has had it's phases. I've handled them reasonably well. Sometimes, I've had a few issues with adjusting, but I am past that now.



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20 Aug 2010, 9:26 am

If that were the only reason, I would say no. My wife and I have been together for 20 years (started dating at 15) and we are very predictable people, but we also enjoy each other company. My wife is an undiagnosed NT :D , If it were just me my life would be way more structured, but I would miss her.



Tim_Tex
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20 Aug 2010, 2:46 pm

When I mean changes, I refer to events that affect peoples' personalities, or things like being deployed in the military, or being a new job that requires a lot of travel. Would one stick it out through those things, or leave because everything was different and uncertain and unexpected


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Moog
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20 Aug 2010, 2:48 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
When I mean changes, I refer to events that affect peoples' personalities, or things like being deployed in the military, or being a new job that requires a lot of travel. Would one stick it out through those things, or leave because everything was different and uncertain and unexpected


It depends on so many things. There's no ruling to apply. Are you facing such a situation?


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Kilroy
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20 Aug 2010, 2:54 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
When I mean changes, I refer to events that affect peoples' personalities, or things like being deployed in the military, or being a new job that requires a lot of travel. Would one stick it out through those things, or leave because everything was different and uncertain and unexpected


life itself is unexpected, I enjoy it actually



DW_a_mom
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20 Aug 2010, 3:17 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
When I mean changes, I refer to events that affect peoples' personalities, or things like being deployed in the military, or being a new job that requires a lot of travel. Would one stick it out through those things, or leave because everything was different and uncertain and unexpected


You are supposed to stick it out through those things. That is what people do for those they love.

In a good relationship, to the extent of those changes are optional, your partner should be discussing them with you and obtaining your blessing before doing anything. If you have difficulty coping with change, your partner will hopefully understand that - as in, truly, not lip service - and will resist any chance that isn't really, really important. All relationships involve balancing the different needs of the two individuals involved; people who care about each other, work hard on obtaining a reasonable balance. It will never be your need usurping all.


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Tim_Tex
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21 Aug 2010, 8:54 am

It shouldn't be an issue of whether someone can try to fight change or expect it to never happen, it's an issue of how one handles it when it occurs.


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