Helping a girl to work out

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Let's suppose I have a girlfriend, not necessarily out-of-shape. How many of you asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to work out, preferably with you? This I ask is because it would be nice for me to have a girl who's looks I can stare after. Other than that, I like her for her.

Your question is kind of ambiguous. Either you are asking if its okay to ask your girlfriend to work out with you so that she'll be better looking, or you are asking if its okay to ask for her because you want company.

If its the latter... why not just just ask, it's okay. Maybe she'll take it the wrong way but that's always possible.

Any ass knows that workin' out is a drag but ya gotta do it - tell her that it's a drag and you want company to make it more interesting. When she does, get a little fresh with her - slap her bottom a bit, kiss her everytime she successfully completes a bunch of reps, etc... use your imagination. She'll get in shape for you if you reward her with affection for doing so.

that would be seriously insulting to me if my boyfriend or husband was trying to improve me with exercise. i think that men and women are not works in progress for a person to fix up so that they become hot enough to stare after.

if some guy thinks i am not good enough at the get go, well... he can get himself GONE.

Well, point received then.

This is an irrationally oversensitive attitude, I witness couples trying to improve the shapes of each others constantly, like for example women pushing their overweight husbands to go on diet, but it all depends on how they do it, romantic love isn't unconditional, never it was and never will be. The OP obviously said that he likes her for her, but he would love it if she become more fit, he didn't say he would abandon her just because she's out of shape.

Some couples always seek for ways to spice things up , and encouraging the other party for a diet or working out is (company + hotter body = spicing things up) one of them.

lol irrational and oversensitive? maybe to you, but you're not dating me or married to me. you don't get to determine what my standards are. this is one standard that is non-negotiable in my relationships. i am sure you have your own standards too, which are non-negotiable. like, would you wear heel lifts or become like Arnie or get plastic surgery for someone? i sincerely doubt it, and it is the same slippery slope of just not being good enough the way you are.

also, the OP wasn't talking about being fit - he was talking solely about appearance, as he stated the girl in question wasn't out of shape -just not enough of a head-turner for him.

if i'm not good enough for someone on a physical level, then he can go find someone else. it's easy - there's someone for everyone, and if my fat ass isn't what a guy wants... well, you already read what he can do.

maybe she can use the bulging six-pack you obviously have as inspiration

or you could just find someone who meets your standards to start with. you're sposed to be looking for a partner not a project

My husband and I cheer each other on to exercise and eat healthy. It's not that we don't love and accept each other's bodies. We just want to be together for a long time, and we're both prone to gaining weight and remaining sedentary. He compliments me every time I lose even one pound. I compliment him on eating smaller portions. We don't take offense to one another trying to help. We are doing it out of love.

Arnie and plastic surgery are extreme and ridiculous examples, they have little to do with what we are talking about.

As for the heel lifts, if my hypothetical girlfriend is slightly taller than me and she suggested me to use heel lifts in some cases (like for a dance party), then I might consider it. Of course, I would ask her why at first, the reason might be anything.

And if my hypothetical girlfriend is thinking, for example, that my belly is growing ugly or if she thinks I am too hairy at some places which is turning off, then I would consider to see what I can do about them.

well, i have had the negative experience in the past of dating some people who started out with small criticisms of my appearance, and eventually the real problems came out - that i was just not good enough for them. now i understand that my body Is not putty in someone else's hands to be remade in some way. i may decide to change something, but that's for me and not for someone else.

MollyTroubleTail, getting healthy wasn't the point as the OP's girl in question is already in shape. he wants her to be hotter.

I see a couple of differences, here. The standout one is that your project seems more holistic -- involving at least as many health-related issues as aesthetic concerns. What if it were all about your appearance, though?

The other difference is that it's mutual. It doesn't sound like in-shape husband is dragging reluctant wife to the gym to slim her down. It does sound like you've come to a joint conclusion on certain tendencies you both have, and you're committed to helping each other become or remain the people you both want to be -- even if the whole thing might be "merely physical."

Which raises a question in my mind: how many women here who took offense to the original proposition would be as offended if your boyfriend/husband wanted you to get a college degree (or do something similar) so that you would become more intelligent and interesting to be with?

When I met my girlfriend five years ago, she was a sophomore in college. (No, she wasn't 19! Just a late bloomer. ) I encouraged her to keep going in school, get her degree, and continue on to graduate school. She becomes more interesting every day, and we have discussions now that we couldn't have had before. Not that she was ever less than smart enough; it's just a fact that she wasn't as educated and experienced as she is now. So, what's the difference -- that I'm more interested in her mind than in her ass? More interested in talking to her than in "staring after her"? If so, why is that a difference? Isn't it just a personal value judgment that I've made?

The difference seems so obvious to me ... and yet I really can't give myself an intellectually satisfactory explanation.

I work out a fair bit. It might actually slow me down to work out with someone else. I think the OP would not have garnered such a negative response if he went through the other reasons to work out.

I could see how a chick would get offended if you asked her to work out simply to improve her appearance. There are other reason to exercise, though. Women are moody, after exercise mood generally improves, granted telling her you want her to exercise to lessen her PMS might piss her off even more than telling her if would improve her appearance. And there's another reason, exercise can improve your ahem... flexibility, stamina, and balance. And it's just flat out good for you as long as you don't overdo it.

ok.... well.... i would be offended.

you see, your girlfriend's situation was very similar to mine. i did not graduate from high school (didn't get a diploma until AFTER my university degree in fact). however, my husband was a university graduate. he had a professor who was a friend, and that person would deride my uneducated status.

but i just wasn't ready for it. and not everyone is suited to further education anyways. a high school friend was a genius and he became a contruction worker and was happiest doing physical labour. so i needed to become interested on my own time and on my own terms.

i talked to husband about this, as i wondered about how he felt at the time. he said he wanted me to be happy in whatever way i chose for myself. if i went to him with a problem he would be there for me, trying to help me find a solution. so if i had happened to say at the time, "i hate my dead-end job and want to make more money in an intellectually stimulating environment", he would most likely have pointed out the obvious educational solution.

further, i encouraged him to approach the OP's question from a reversed perspective, and he he said that he would never, ever stay with a person who suggested he do weight training or wax his butt or something to improve his appearance.

i asked him about health stuff, to take the situation further, and we mutually agreed that we really don't get on each other's backs about that too much. in the early days we did a tiny bit, like raising an eyebrow at each other's habits. but in our particular case, it was coming from a bad place. we were looking for a measure of control over each other and wanted each other to fit better into our own expectations.

so once we let go of that control, we eased up a lot and let each other make our own mistakes. seriously... smoking, drugs, lack of exercise, obesity, whatever - it was all about autonomy in a safe environment. and feeling like we could be ourselves as much as possible. we were not perfect about it, but we actually did try.

I'm sure you know that this is much different than what I'm proposing. (This kind of thing may actually be more hurtful -- it would be to me anyway -- than anything someone could say about getting in shape at the gym. Whatever the case, not nice!)


This is, in fact, the way things developed. Although I said earlier that "I encouraged her," I definitely didn't "push her" to finish college -- didn't need to. That was all her. And we kind of navigated the graduate program decisions together. I guess the point of this is that, even though I didn't try to influence her in any of this, I might have. And I definitely now see how that could be offensive -- despite my thinking that it's somehow morally superior to encourage someone to go to school than to the gym. Both are inherently hurtful, I suppose. And I guess it doesn't really matter that one track is more about her ass than the other!