Most Aspie men are in over their heads with dating.

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Myself included.

Dating is complicated even for NTs...but for Aspie men (since women are the selectors) it's nearly impossible. It requires understanding the subtleties and unwritten rules of life and being a quick learner. Aspie men also don't have the type of personality or social intelligence to appeal to the average woman. Add on top of that, neediness and no common interests, and it's a recipe for disaster.

While there is some truth to the whole "player" technique...Roissy's theories...all that stuff...most guys get women because they have a big social circle, meet a woman in their daily activities or through that social circle, and they have the social skills to not f*** up their opportunities.

As socially ret*d men, Aspies literally stand no chance except with women that are Aspies themselves, NT women that like awkward guys or who are awkward themselves or have weird interests or random women that are just obsessed with you for whatever reason (which usually isn't a good thing.)

My advice...channel your dating frustration into something productive. Odds are, even if you met a woman that was interested in you, you'd scare her off by being too interested, or she'd just take advantage of your desperation.

I imagine if I stopped approaching women I liked the look of I would become more depressed than productive.

And you do not want a women with AS? We are more faithful, less shallow, and have far more substance than most NT women.

I won't answer specifically for foreveryoung, but I think the general consensus among men with AS is that women with AS are generally fine, but if we restricted ourselves to women with AS, many of us would never have a girlfriend. This is because (a) we outnumber you, (b) a greater proportion of you are already in relationships than we are, and (c) a greater proportion of single men with AS are attracted to women than single women with AS are attracted to men.

All good points Hector. And the people that claim to be Aspie at my local Asperger Support Group are really people that have more severe problems or are LFA and think they have Aspergers.

Like Hector said you're also less available.

I dispute this. I think in the mind of most men with AS, the concept of woman is so synonymous with "NT woman", and generally the upper tier NT women, that you overlook all of us non-NT women and even some average NT women.

I'm fairly confident this is true, if perhaps by a smaller margin than some men here think, but you can test my hypothesis by posting a poll on the Adult Autism or Women's Issues forum if you like.

I don't think any of us are after models, or even the "hot" girls. In fact, I'd argue that while I could get a date with an NT lower on the physical attractiveness scale than myself, I most likely wouldn't have anything in common with her anyway as most NT women of any attraction level are social people and love to drink/be in crowds/have tons of friends/yada, yada, yada. I went to a lot of bars and clubs, just to see what they were like, when I was on vacation and most women there are of average or below average looks.

This is part of the reason I put a temporary hold on my relationship life as well. I'm simply not compatible with a good 95% of women, regardless of how physically attractive they are. I like to stay home, unless it involves going to a bookstore, going on an interesting vacation, visiting family, or something music related (whether a concert or something involving a music project I'm in) and I wouldn't change that for anyone. Being happy being myself is more important to me than being something I'm not just to have a mockery of a relationship to satisfy my ego and make me look good to society. Most men on here, unfortunately, haven't come to the same conclusion.

foreveryoung, I agree with a lot of what you said... I don't want to stop trying though! I have decided to put a lot less pressure on myself though. I have had one 6 month relationship (which I ended, she was insane) with a girl I met on plentyoffish. There are some girls I could probably date... but I am just not attracted to them. I'm not looking for models either. I have dated overweight girls. I just don't see the point in dating a girl I have no physical attraction to.

I think maybe it is better for Aspies to date each other, because we understand each other better. I'm in a relationship with someone who has Asperger's, and he understands me better than any of the NT guys I dated, not that I told them, of course. They wouldn't have understood. Plus, they weren't boyfriends, just guys I went out with a few times. With them, it was never mutual. Either they liked me more than I liked them, or vice versa. When my boyfriend and I first met, it was a relief to have finally met someone who understands me. He's the first man I've been out with who actually wanted a relationship with me. We've been dating for 2 years. On the other hand, maybe there are NT men who might understand women with Asperger's, I don't know. I've never met any; again, not that I've disclosed anything. Dating is not easy, especially for people like us. But sometimes, you get lucky.

Space - Ironically, if you stop caring as much, you're more lucky to not only meet a good woman, but keep her as well, because it won't mean as much to you. Some people on here confuse that with complete indifference, but that's not what I'm suggesting. I'm suggesting to just lower the intensity level of the desire to want a relationship.

Same thing with me and my V-card. I'm more likely to lose it with someone my type by simply just being around women, and having a lot of opportunities and hoping one of them leads to losing the V-card, instead of going out with the mindset "I'm trying to meet a girl so I can have sex."

Crap, crap, crap crap, crap, crap, crap, crap crap, crap.


This is only as true as you allow yourself to believe that it is.

AS is a learning disorder, it is not stupidity. Social skills are learned. You can learn them.

Stop wallowing in this defeatist BS. The longer you keep brainwashing yourself with this nonsense, the longer you will continue to live it.

We still don't understand each other all that well. I could list probably 20 people on this site that have severely angered me if I really tried. I could probably come up with at least 7 in the next 30 seconds.

Everything about human relationships is stupid though. They fail infinitely more than the should logically. Aspie or not.

I guess what changed me was the fact that I realized that I'm a homebody and that contradicts the very idea of being in a relationship unless you're a retired couple. While there are female homebodies out there, they're at home, not out in public, or they're with their close friends or family members or at work.

You saved me the effort of having to type this myself.