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Azolet
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15 Aug 2010, 12:09 pm

For all of you that have a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse ... where, how, etc. did you meet them? And how soon after you met them did you start dating them?


I have had one "official" boyfriend - we dated for a month and a half when I was a sophomore in high school ... we met at school, and he was more into me than I was into him.

I would love to date someone again, and I've been told that I can meet people in classes and parties and stuff ... but I have trouble starting things up, especially with people I like! I would also like to hear your stories, if you want to share!



RaquiGirl
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15 Aug 2010, 3:55 pm

Azolet wrote:
For all of you that have a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse ... where, how, etc. did you meet them? And how soon after you met them did you start dating them?


My boyfriend is NT, but with some OCD. We met at a barbecue about three years ago and he was dating someone else at the time who was also there. We saw each other every now and then at various parties or events, although not too often... then I went back to school and he was in the same school too and not dating anyone. We kept running into each other at school and he added me on Facebook. We talked on Facebook and he asked me out and we've been dating (in real life - LOL) for about six months. I hope that answers your questions.

If this helps any, I had pretty much given up on ever dating again after the last guy I dated turned out to be a big horrible fraudulent mess (married, out for my money - which is funny because I don't have any, and on the run from something probably really illegal). I've since learned that people (and especially women) on the spectrum have to be careful about that sort of thing because we can't always read the normal signs of liars. I was pretty crushed and basically had given up hope altogether... then this guy came along. We have our problems, but it seems to be working out pretty good now. I'm 37 years old. How old are you?


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thegreatpretender
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15 Aug 2010, 4:20 pm

Perhaps you could give a try to online dating: it would probably solve the "getting started" problem, as all interactions there are explicitely meant for romantic purposes.



RaquiGirl
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15 Aug 2010, 4:24 pm

thegreatpretender wrote:
Perhaps you could give a try to online dating: it would probably solve the "getting started" problem, as all interactions there are explicitely meant for romantic purposes.


I wouldn't recommend that at all... I guess just be really careful doing that. I know for me, I ended up leaving myself open for some really serious predators when my instincts failed to pick up signs of a potential abusive date. I definitely communicate better with my boyfriend online sometimes, but we met in person through friends first, which I think is the best way... ask your friends to help set you up. It's worth a shot.


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16 Aug 2010, 10:23 am

Trying to remember how I met a guy. I had a friend who occasionally mentioned this other person. Then I met them and just didn't know his name, although I had seen him before. He had a girlfriend but had been broken up a few weeks. He started saying hello whenever he saw me. There was a medieval event happening on campus. He told me he was going to be there and that I should check it out. I thought it would be fun since I enjoyed doing fantasy art and I saw him there and sat down next to him in the grass. It all seemed comfortable because I didn't have strong feelings and was just curious about what was going on and asked questions which he happily answered. I enjoyed the combat too which he found interesting about me. He described me one time as sweet with a hard edge. After that, he asked me to go to dinner which I mixed up the day and he wasn't happy and thought I stood him up. I told him I just got the day mixed up and was really sorry. We ended up going out and things just progressed from then on.

I also had some guy I met while playing pool. We started joking around first and then we talked more of what I can't remember. Then he said we should go to his room. I only thought it was strange because he seemed not to ask but just say lets go. I went to his room and we sat on the bed and I let him kiss me. I immediately did not feel right. I can't remember what I said I just graciously excused myself.

I too was really naive and not able to notice that some people say anything to get what they want.

I think so much is eye contact because I hardly do it now. I then get home and realize I had an encounter with someone and think, was he interested? He had such a nice voice.



Azolet
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22 Aug 2010, 10:30 am

Thanks guys, this is really interesting!

Yeah, curlyfry, I have been in a bunch of situations where some guy was being nice or something, and later, I realized (or my mom told me) that he was trying to flirt with me...

RaquiGirl wrote:
I definitely communicate better with my boyfriend online sometimes, but we met in person through friends first, which I think is the best way... ask your friends to help set you up. It's worth a shot.

That sounds like the best plan ... my ex, although we met in person first, said that I was a "totally different person" when I was talking online - I was more talkative and stuff. Online dating does seem great for the "getting started" problem, but I agree that there seem to be a lot of drawbacks ... you don't know the guy in real life, and I would hate to be talking to someone I really liked for months, only to meet him and find out that he lied about his appearance or something, or worse, was married, or even worse, was some sort of predator.

My mom said that the best way to meet guys would be at parties, but I can just see some guy coming up and talking to me, and me being like "What? I can't hear you! What? What?" and acting like a flake because his voice and the noise of the party are competing for my attention ... I guess it's worth a shot though. It's interesting to hear all your stories ... it really sounds like you have to get to know the guy gradually ... I know you can't just jump into a relationship, but it is helpful to hear how you all built up to the relationship. RaquiGirl, that's scary about your last boyfriend ... it almost seems like we need to do a background check or something on potential suitors :? ... I'm glad to hear that you have a nice, current relationship though!!

I just turned 20, btw.



RaquiGirl
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23 Aug 2010, 1:19 am

Azolet wrote:
RaquiGirl, that's scary about your last boyfriend ... it almost seems like we need to do a background check or something on potential suitors :? ... I'm glad to hear that you have a nice, current relationship though!!

I just turned 20, btw.


It's so cool that we have forums like these so that we can share our experiences and hopefully prevent someone else from going through something scary... or avert potential disaster by learning from someone else's experience. I want to hear about any new potentials you meet, Azolet!! I'll be thinking about you.

~Raqui


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Bataar
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23 Aug 2010, 4:05 am

From all of my research into the subject, there seems to be a strange, mysterious, yet wondrous place called "out there". We have to figure out where this place is so we too can get "out there". Every time someone in my family or friend/acquaintance gives me advice, it usually comes down to them telling me I need to get "out there". They always leave out important details though such as where this mysterious "out there" is or any clues on how to find it.



fs
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23 Aug 2010, 6:25 am

I gave up on American women and drove to Mexico where I met my wife. I let everyone know that I was looking for a girlfriend and a guy I met there knew my wife's sister who introduced me to my wife. So we started dating immediately.

For a woman, dating is very easy. Just post on this very forum asking for dates like this person did. Looking for dates at parties or other mainstream social events isn't a good idea because most of the men will just be looking for sex. Unfortunately modern society is hostile to prostitution, so the primary sexual outlet for men is seduction, and this is mostly what you will get at mainstream social events.


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curlyfry
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23 Aug 2010, 7:39 am

Quote:
I let everyone know that I was looking for a girlfriend and a guy I met there knew my wife's sister who introduced me to my wife. So we started dating immediately.


That's what it means by getting "Out There". Making the world know you are available, whether by networking as in the above statement or posting on a date site.



Azolet
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25 Aug 2010, 2:19 pm

RaquiGirl wrote:
It's so cool that we have forums like these so that we can share our experiences and hopefully prevent someone else from going through something scary... or avert potential disaster by learning from someone else's experience. I want to hear about any new potentials you meet, Azolet!! I'll be thinking about you.


Thanks Raqui! :D I totally agree - we can all learn from each other! I will certainly let you know about any potentials. I did have a few dates last year, and a boyfriend in high school, but they were all the outgoing, assertive, kind of aggressive types that went after me - there are some rather amusing stories that went along with all that. I want a relationship where the feelings are mutual, though. Yeah, fs, it's all about the hookup culture nowadays, isn't it? :? I think my problem, is that I am shyer for a girl, and I have heard that it is the girl that usually initiates contact towards the guy, and I have some trouble doing it ... thus, probably the reason that most of my experience has been with "assertive" guys.