roadGames wrote:
After this last mistake, I'm gonna put much more value on personality if I'm looking to have a relationship. There's just no spark with this new girl, she's too weird and this is coming from someone with an ASD. Extremely intelligent, phd student in linguistics just like me, she's slender, and likes a lot of the same music I like. I want to give her a shot, but I don't see it happening. If I do give her a shot, I'm afraid I'll just end up hurting her because I'll leave her as soon as some shiny thing comes along. It's like I've already won the battle and she likes me too much for this to be fun for me. What I really want to do is feel that resistance and also feel like I'd make my ex jealous if she saw me with her, which is really all shallow BS. I've never felt a real connection with a girl before, so I treat them all like objects (part of why my gf broke up with me).
If they can't do abstract/philosophical conversation, I get tired of their minds really quick and most women don't like to do this. I can certainly fake enjoying light-hearted "fun" things, but I really want to talk about more profound things. There's this persona I use to get girls and I'd love to not have to do that anymore because being extroverted takes a lot of energy for me, but in all 22 years of my life before that, being an introverted nerd not concerned with his appearance or how cool he seems NEVER worked. Eventually, they find out I'm really just an extremely nice guy with massive psychological issues and tell me that I'm all image.
You're
afraid you're going to hurt her because you're already planning to dump her when a better looking girl gives you a tumble? No, you're
going to hurt her.
I'm sorry, it's hard to have sympathy for you, OP. If you want sympathy, if you want a chance at developing a real relationship with a woman, then I suggest you roll up your sleeves and start working on becoming a man worthy of such a relationship. Recognize what you're doing wrong here, and start making relationship choices with some measure of integrity. Your "massive psychological issues" can be addressed, with the right kind of help - and the intention to make yourself a better person. So get to it (and don't keep this date - she doesn't deserve what you've got in store for her).
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What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...