What happens when...?

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What happens when you become very close to someone 1 night after you've met after meeting online? If you are very amourous, say wonderful things to each other and have passionate sex, is that always going to be too fast?? What if you are the love of each others lives? Even then, is it too fast? If so, why? What's wrong with getting close to start off with? Is it gauranteed to ruin a relationship? If it is bad, can you take a step back and try again being further apart?

Thanks!

Well, some people may think that's going too fast. I wouldn't go that far after meeting someone for the first time. If the pace you're going is okay with your partner, then who care about what everyone else says? It's none of their business anyway.

This has happened. This person has been told by his friend that it's the reason why his last relationship finished. But not everyone's the same. He found someone not serious who he thought was serious. I am serious. So I'm wondering if it can work because after the night, he's been really scared and he's not been thinking about what he's doing to me.

I think your friend is taking his friend's advice too literally.

My take on the friend's advice is that it's usually better to get to know someone before you become intimate. That way, you'll avoid making assumptions about the character of a person that turn out to be inaccurate. I think that's good advice. However, you've already started your relationship....so IMO, as long as your goal is to get to know each other and see where the relationship goes, why not follow that goal and see where it leads?

If you were saying you were ready to make a lifelong commitment at this point, I'd be begging you to slow down. But since you only want to continue getting to know each other - with no assumptions or pressure for permanence - there's no reason not to continue. Maybe if you explained it to your friend in that way, he'd be less freaked about it.

So, going too fast can't be the reason why it didn't work with his last one. Because he was content with the way it was. It was the other one that had the problem. Whereas I don't mind going fast too. Does that mean, we can go fast? Or do we still have to try and go slowly? He's scared of it happening with me and the last only ended a month or so ago.

I'd say its different for different people. That's be WAY to fast for me.

Well, I don't know why his last relationship didn't work out. I mean, part of making a relationship work long-term is to share common goals and needs. If the relationship was moving too quickly for his last partner, and he wasn't willing to do what he could to adjust the pace, that could have been the reason the relationship didn't work.

That's why I think he's taking his friend's advice too literally. In his last relationship, a fast pace wasn't right for both partners, and the relationship failed. However, that doesn't rule out finding a partner who is comfortable moving at the same pace - and obviously, he found you.

But since his relationship ended only a month ago, he's probably still feeling the sting of that disappointment. It sounds like perhaps he's the one who might want to move a little slower this time - to avoid being hurt again. So....you're going to have to have to try to find a pace that's comfortable for both of you. That means if he really wants to go more slowly, you'll have to adapt if you want the relationship to last. I suspect he might relax and feel better if you tell him you'll let him set the pace. Just a thought.

I think you're right. I just hope letting him choose the pace isn't letting him control me.

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